Sweet Dreams

When I was a kid, I wondered if there was ever someone I'd grow old with. Being a child, I became sick of the thought and vowed never to have unnecessary commitments with boys. I wanted to be alone and single forever.

As I grew older, comprehension finally came to me and I was able to understand bits of why people need to be with someone. According to my own findings, that's life. And life needs to continue until time ends. Don't you want a person to be there for you when everyone leaves? A person to care for you, tease you, and love you until the end comes? Don't you want children, grandchildren, and the memories you'll create together?

Then it came to me, I do want to get married someday. And I dream of it everyday; Church bells ringing, dozens of bouquets, red carpet, and the lucky groom. As I walk down the aisle, people looked eagerly at me and I saw someone wipe a tear.

But it was never finished. I dreamt it again on another night, but I always wake up whenever I'd reach the altar. I know that it's a little early for 13-year-olds to be dreaming this kind of thing; don't get me wrong, I was just amazed at the idea of weddings.

You know what else convinced me? Love. Oops! I meant 'liking someone a lot'.

My story is not like the others, I wasn't expecting it. One minute it wasn't there and the next minute I feel it.

It was early in November and our school was going camping. As I was the top of our class, I needed to be there for extra-curricular activities. More and more people came and I thought to myself, "These people will be nothing to us, we will win no matter what happens". You see, I've got this superior problem. I have a VERY competitive spirit and I will always find a way to win. Winning was the most important thing right now, and nothing else.

Competitions began and I know we were at the lead. By nighttime, I noticed this boy on our team. His appearance really caught my attention. But silly boys and outfits doesn't matter right now even in the slightest way. So I just got to work.

We got back to our rooms to prepare food for cooking, and that's when I talked to him. I don't know what is it with "boys" and "household chores" but whatever it is, I don't care. They should be working like the others. I talked to him and as I did, his face seemed familiar.

Then I started blushing. I remember now, he was that guy I got a crush on last september. It was really embarassing. Hrrgh! Let's stop talking about it now, please?

Fast forward, we had short conversations and I really liked his personality. It's like from what I imagined a guy should behave. I didn't like him then, I was thinking of someone else. And that was the day I met him, for who he is.

The following days, there were no classes. Instead, the club's activities replaced the school hours. And since we were on the same club, it wasn't hard for me to talk to him again. Honestly, the last time we talked I kept wishing we'd talk again. He was fun. I like him because he's the opposite of what I am, except for the fun part.

Monday, December 17

School was over and we were getting ready to go home. It was a silent afternoon and unexpected things happened. One of his classmates told me that he actually liked me. It was nice to hear it but I told her that maybe he's just joking. That's when I personally heard it from him. The feeling became too big for me to bear, so I walked away and went to the gym. I told my classmates what happened and they said it was just a sick joke. I didn't believe it, I didn't want to believe. I wanted to believe what he said, it felt so good that I still hear it ringing in my ears.

Thursday, December 20

This was the last day of school and the next day would be Christmas break. I didn't want it to end. If I couldn't stand a weekend of him being gone, what more if it's two whole weeks? So this is when we really got close to each other. The memories still bother me until now. The feeling is still there. If I could replay the whole school year, I'd do it over and over again. Only I'd start a little earlier. I was with him the whole day, because time was slower with him. At the end of the day, he gave me a stupid looking candy that I wouldn't want to eat. So I just kept it in my pack, and I took a long glance at him before embracing two weeks of extreme torture.

Days went by, and I never paid any attention to anything but what I felt inside. I always dream of him. I always think of him. It occured to me that one day, he might be my lucky groom. I look at him as my "soulmate". It frightened me. The feeling was eating my insides. I was afraid that someday I'd lose myself to someone else. I was scared to finally know the feeling of being unloved by the person who you admire the most, that someday he might stop loving me.

I was horrified that I ever thought of such a thing -- considering I was the most positive person in the whole school -- that I wished I never met him. But I didn't mean that wish. If there was some reassurance that he would never stop loving me, please, don't come right now.

I know, I'm weird. But I have all the time in the world. You can take two steps in one time but you can never take three. And these two steps I'm taking right now are my studies and understanding the exact purpose of this love. I'm too young to know anything about this, but I do know that he is like a sculpture built especially for me.