I See London | a Duncan X Reader Total Drama Oneshot

<>

Duncan's POV

London.

London was my city, where I had the courage to run away. Where I had the courage to come back to life, to finally leave behind all my responsibilities, and stop asking myself questions.

Now I came back, after what was a lifetime, to that dingy club behind your house, maybe because it was one of the clubs where I had the best experiences of my life, probably because it reminded me of you.

That's right, Geoff had to celebrate his bachelor party in a big way, and I well and truly decided to take him to a seedy little club in Camden Town after partying in hotel. Our love lasted a blink of an eye, a red light, and yet once I breathed in that air so familiar but at the same time distant you came back to me as the first time I saw you, and I couldn't help but take the people I cared about the most to the place that I still consider my outlet to this day. You were supposed to be an excuse, a reason to finally forget about that toxic relationship that was destroying me but, in my almost 25 years of life, I have never seen two bodies that fit together as well as ours. Two 18-year-olds staggering out of the bar, glasses and cigarettes still in our hands, wondering which house to go to before answering "none." By now to that youthful love I had become only a spectator, to my youthful love that no one will ever take me back. I never told anyone but my best friend Geoff that I had a history between Courtney and Gwen. Maybe I wanted to keep you to myself, maybe I liked lying to people, maybe our spark had been so spontaneous and unexpected that I didn't even realize how pure my feelings were. Instead I was probably trying to forget those cheekbones and moles because deep down I knew I didn't deserve it.

I'm just a damn traitor, as my reputation constantly dares to tell me, but with you I was allowing myself to be who I was when no one could see me. All stories are good until you get to know each other, but with you everything was different.

Courtney was looking for someone to mold, a series made up of reruns with perfectly written dialogue until our old age, but I knew all the lines by now and already how it was going to end. With you it was unexpected art, the art that you make on the street and not on a stage, like when we fell in love with two glances from afar. From that platform I was too busy playing to realize that angel who watched me all night, but not that excessive groupie attachment, those fleeting glances when your friends started talking about topics that were all too boring. That electricity we managed to have when you simply told me you didn't like clubs full of people, not that chemistry I had with Gwen, more comparable to the chemistry I have with my friends. Gwen is a very good friend of course, but in the end unfortunately I treated her as a reason to forget you, a cue for conversation when I didn't know what to talk about once I got back on that damn plane. She doesn't know about you either, even though we've made up now and are back to the friends we once were, I'm still not ready to take her to you.

Glass after glass, in that evening I could only remember how I could watch you for hours as you crossed your legs, or even more trivially when you made tuna pasta while we were having munchies. Maybe that's why back in my hotel room I thought it would be so much cozier with you on the couch, probably in a tank top and underwear listening to the sound of our young adult thoughts still too much under the influence of hormones. Watching you in the morning as soon as you woke up, with you only with your pants on emptying your bag on the table to look for your phone, or maybe to steal a part of me from our tiny bubble.

I'd be good at handling these problems if they weren't mine, but now on that dance floor I thought I even caught a glimpse of you. Together we would have rocked, now that we both probably had the ability to communicate our feelings better. I have to admit, if Courtney and Gwen had not brought me back to the phony reality that was Total Drama, I would have stayed looking into your eyes forever, so in sync that I no longer knew where I ended and you began. Had we known the time we had left would have used it better, while now the alcohol makes me imagine you standing here in front of me, motionless among all those people who were trying to forget their thoughts.

But you were not there, in fact, in front of me I found myself a rather confused DJ. I realized only once I recovered that that reaction was due to the fact that I was motionless in the middle of a dance floor, waiting for a vision that is not there. Maybe all those people reminded me of you, because when it was the two of us we seemed more. In reality by now we had become just an ordinary memory among faded faces.

On those streets of Camden town I realized that this was the ending I deserved, I certainly did not deserve a happy ending. As soon as we passed your street I couldn't help but look at your window. Maybe that bright light was just another useless hope, or my subconscious was projecting my thoughts: I could have run to you, prayed to you as I had never done to anyone hoping only that you would remember me, but instead I am here as a spectator, contemplating this bittersweet ending, and never truly realize that those visions of you weren't a figment of my imagination or a side effect of the Jägermeister.