| ☆looking for a star☆ | XXXTENTACION

~☆chapter 6 - lies☆~

"I can't seem to get out my head" - xxx

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Jahseh's POV

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I got out of my car and walked up to the door, knocking. A brief moment later I was met with the face of Geneva.

I smiled, I really did love her, arguably more than I ever loved anyone. She just understood me, we were both in pain and we managed to fulfill eachother.

She invited me inside and I happily walked in. Tonight's gonna be a movie night, Geneva's on her period and she was upset so she asked me to come over, which I gladly accepted of course. I'd do anything for her.

We walked upstairs and layed in bed, cuddling whilst watching "The exorcism of Emily Rose". A horror movie which isn't that scary, but it's certainly very interesting.

I dozed off, but could feel Geneva walk out of bed which woke me up.

She walked into the bathroom. I sighed, staring at the ceiling.

Then I noticed her phone on the bed. Odd, as she usually takes her phone wherever she goes.

Then, a notification popped up. An instagram DM.

I know I shouldn't have, but I was curious so I checked the notification.

lilpump: yeah lmfao, x be bout toxic as shit
lilpump: ight boo don't forget bout tmrw, imma go 2 bed gn beautiful 💓

Reading those, my heart dropped. What? What the fuck was she doing?

Alright Jah, calm down. Maybe he messaged her out of the blue and they barely talked prior to that.

I fully opened the messages, seeing that she'd been sending him nudes and all sorts of outrageous texts throughout the past few months.

I was so fucking shocked. I couldn't believe it. I also saw they talked a bunch of shit about me.

Tears started streaming down my cheeks. How could she do this?

I couldn't look at her.

While she was still in the bathroom, I quickly made my way downstairs, put on my shoes, hopped in my car and drove off.

I then sent her a text.

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To: Geneva

Me: we're over

***

I was driving way too fast, but to be honest I didn't care. I didn't care if I made it home alive. I didn't give a fuck.

She cheated on me. With pump?

I felt sick to my stomach.

When I got home, thankfully everyone was asleep. I rushed upstairs, and without thinking I proceeded to go to the bathroom and grab a blade.

It's been a while, hasn't it? I was almost a whole year clean.

But I didn't give a fuck. I needed it.

I sat on the floor, leaning against my bed as I pulled up my sleeve and slowly pressed the blade into my flesh.

I winced, it hurt. Then came the tears. I really fucking loved her.

How was I gonna survive?

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Emma's POV

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Another night, yet I can't seem to be able to fall asleep no matter how hard I try.

I sighed in defeat, and grabbed my phone as I realised I wasn't getting any sleep any time soon anyway.

I found myself scrolling through instagram, when I heard rough footsteps walking down the hall. Weird, I knew it couldn't of been any of the guys since I didn't hear them go downstairs and I know they're all in their rooms.

Unless Jahseh came back home. But why would he?

Oh well, I was bored and there was no harm in checking. If it was him, there must've been a reason as to why he came home instead of sleeping at Geneva's like always.

I wanted to check on him, so I did.

I walked to the door of his room, and I was gonna knock but I stopped myself when I heard light sniffing.

He was in there, and he was crying.

I knocked. No response.

Then, I let myself in. I wasn't gonna let him cry alone.

What I saw made my heart drop.

He was sitting on the floor, his face covered by his hands. He was crying  badly.

I ran up to him and crouched down.

"Jahseh? Jahseh what's wrong?" I asked, and he removed his hands from his face, looking at me.

The concerned look on my face seemed to take him by surprise, but he quickly masked that.

"I fucking loved her, Emma. She meant everything to me"

"What happened? Did she break up with you?" I asked softly.

"She fucking cheated" he managed to get out through all the tears falling.

Then, he wrapped his arms around me and without thinking I hugged him back.

She cheated on him?

Fuck. I knew how much he loved her, I felt so fucking bad for him.

I could feel my shoulder getting soaked with his tears as he cried in my embrace.

"Jahseh, I think you should try to get some rest. Come on" I said, as I felt sleeping could help surpress the pain.

We stood up, and what I saw made my heart shatter.

A bloody blade fell out of his pocket. I looked down at it, then back at him. Tears started to form in my eyes.

I quickly took both of his hands in mine and rolled up his sleeves, seeing a large amount of fresh cuts.

"Oh Jahseh" I said lowly, looking into his eyes before pulling him into a hug which he returned.

We were now both crying, but I collected myself and sighed.

"We need to clean those up, come here" I said, pulling him into the bathroom.

He took off his hoodie and sat on the closed toilet seat while I cleaned up his cuts with alcohol.

Then, I wrapped them up in bandages and he thanked me.

"Now go get some rest Jahseh" I said softly, as we walked back into the room and sat on his bed.

"I can try" he sighed.

I smiled a sad smile, and as I was about to get up and leave to give him some space and time alone, he grabbed my arm making me look back at him.

"Could you maybe stay here tonight? I don't wanna be alone right now.. if you're comfortable that is" he asked, and I smiled.

"Of course Jahseh" I said.

He layed down and moved a little, making room for me. I layed next to him and turned my back towards him, as I didn't wanna make him uncomfortable by facing him or something.

He however, faced me and wrapped an arm around my waist, and I could feel butterflies...

What?

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been a while... I have more in the vault :)