✅ The Last New Start [NaNoWriMo2021]

124. Laying Down the Law

"It's for his own good," Tess mumbled, after a few long seconds of silence. The words had just come out naturally, and she hadn't realised what she was saying until she saw Ffrances's surprise. "Damn. That's what Gabby keeps saying, isn't it? Why she needs to treat me like a little kid, and doesn't want me to do anything without her permission."

"It is," Ffrances agreed. "But there's one big difference here: You actually mean it. You're talking about making decisions for Spike because he's afraid to do what he actually needs to, and you're trying to look at it from every possible angle to make sure it's the best choice for him. You haven't even considered what this would mean for you, have you? That's the big difference, and one that I hope I can get Gabby to understand soon enough."

"I'll ask Spike, when he's out of there. If he's okay with me making some of the decisions for him. I mean, if he's going to be my Daddy sometimes that gives him all the control, and I'll let him do whatever he wants with me. But if he sees me hurting myself by not focusing on my own needs, he's allowed to take charge. Even treat me like a baby without giving me the choice, and if he really thinks it's something I need, I promise not to argue with that. The same for you, I think. If I'm pushing myself too hard and you think it's bad for me, you can force me into that headspace. I'm sure you know ways to do that if you need to, and I do trust you."

"That's a bit out of the–" Ffrances started.

"But!" Tess cut her off, realising that she was digressing a little, and got back to the main point. "I'm going to ask him if it works the other way too. If I can tell him what to do when he's putting himself in danger. If he'll agree to that, then I'll know that if anything like this happens again, I don't have to hesitate or feel bad about giving him orders. Only when it's necessary. So we're still equals, unless it's for some... game? Some scenario we planned in advance, or if one of us isn't coping and actually needs that kind of direction. Does that make sense?"

"More than most people," Ffrances said. "A lot of people end up with a power dynamic in their relationships, having one person in control without even thinking about it. Whether because of wealth, or age difference, or social standing. But you're thinking clearly and maturely about it, trying to craft something that will work for you. And I think that is worthy of a lot of respect."

"I just wish I didn't need to," Tess mumbled. "I want him to have a home where it's safe to be himself, and where he doesn't have to carry the whole family's problems. I want to protect him, but even more I want a world where he doesn't need it."

"I think we're all agreed on that. And I think you can persuade him to let you take charge. So the big question, then, is what you're going to do."

"I said about letting him move in with us," Tess spoke slowly. "But I'm thinking about it, and there's no way Gabby will agree to that. There's so many things to take into account, isn't there? I mean, my parents said before he's welcome to move into the spare room. But he doesn't want to leave his mum in a house with Duke. Or Nik, his half brother. The kid deserves a safe place to grow up, so he has a chance of not turning out like the others. But what can we do? If Duke's hurt him this bad... If it's just about me, I'm happy to break contact. It's not worth getting him hurt over. But if Duke can go this far, he really shouldn't..."

Ffrances put an arm around Tess and hugged her close as she fought not to cry. But she didn't say anything, just listened.

"You've got a plan, haven't you?" Tess said after a few minutes. And as she said the words, she could feel the truth crystallising in her mind. The more she said, the more it made sense with what she already knew about Ffrances, and the way she acted. "You've figured out the best approach, but you're not going to tell me. Because I need to be the one in control. Something this serious, it's making me question all my choices, making me wonder if this is somehow my fault. And you know that the only way I can cope with that pressure is if I'm the one to sort it out. That's the way I'm wired; if I let you fix everything, I'll always remember it as the time I was useless, or something. So you're giving me a chance to be the adult. You know what I need."