Sirosa

Chapter 4

Mac'hla had shadows under their eyes and they were pale... and others had noticed.
In the mess hall, Nyota slid into a chair next to her.
"Are you alright, darling?" she asked softly.
"Yes, I am in perfect health." Mac'hla said, not entirely understanding what she was asking.
Uhura sighed, "I mean mentally."
Mac'hla raised an eyebrow, "If you are asking about my emotions, you must know Vulcans do not feel them."
She gently touched Mac'hla's hand, "You and I both know that isn't true."
"Vulcan's cannot lie, Lieutenant." Mac'hla lied.
"Mac'hla, you look horrible, you're shaking, and your eyes are absent. It doesn't take a psychology degree to know that you are not well."
Mac'hla sighed and poked at their food, and Uhura gave their hand a squeeze. "Maggie, I'm your friend. You can talk to me."
"I am struggling to process my emotions logically." she muttered, dropping her fork and pushing her tray away.
"Is there anything I can do to help you?"
Mac'hla was flattered, and they placed their other hand over Uhura's, "I am afraid not. I just need to take my time."
Uhura reached up and stroked her cheek, "I'm just a door down if you ever need me."
Mac'hla nodded and stood, walking away to their lab silently.
She sat in her chair, spinning around as she read her notes.
Her studies were interrupted as Mr. Spock entered and waited in her doorway with his arms folded behind his back.
They looked over their PADD at him, "Yes, sir?"
"Are you well?" he asked.
"Why, Mr. Spock, if I did not know better I would think that you were concerned." she teased, smirking a little.
"To quote Doctor McCoy, 'you look like hell'." He said, approaching and leaning on her lab bench.
"Thank you, Spock, for your analysis, it is duly noted. I will take what you have said into account and do my best to solve this problem." they said, turning back around.
Raising an eyebrow, he said, "Why is it that you look so disheveled?'
Mac'hla put their papers down and faced him once more, "Perhaps it is my lack of makeup." they offered, "You should know better than to comment on a lady's appearance."
"You have stated that you are not a lady, nor a man. Has this changed?" Spock asked, tilting his head.
"No, Spock... It was supposed to be a joke."
"Ah. I suspect you are spending too much time with humans." he stated, approaching them to look at their papers.
"You say that as if you believe I have a choice."
"That was a joke." he said, smirking ever so slightly.
Mac'hla sighed, "Is there a reason for your visit, sir, or do you simply enjoy my company?"
"I came to inquire about your emotional status."
"That seems to be the topic of many people's inquiries this morning."
He looked at them expectantly and they finally replied, "May I tell you something in complete confidence?"
"You may."
"I had a distressing dream last night that seems to have affected me deeply." she whispered.
"When I was young I struggled with nightmares. Would you share yours with me?" he asked.
"I dreamt of the great sickness. The one that Soltok was speaking of. I have not dreamt of it in a very long time... but his words awoke something in me. Have you heard of this plague?"
"I'm afraid I have not." Spock said.
"That does not surprise me. 374 people died from a great sickness that ravaged my village. The symptoms were... horrible. It devoured the victim, killing them painfully. We did not receive help from the others." they said, referring to the Vulcans outside of the canyon, "When we finally did, they cleared everything up in less than a day. We had suffered for months because 'the others' did not believe we were worth saving. I lost..." their voice broke and they paused to take a deep breath.
Spock noticed how she was beginning to tremble and the tears forming in her eyes. Her eyes that had grown warm since her time on the Enterprise picked up the hollow gaze she used to carry when he first met her.
"I lost my baby sister and my father. I watched my father die... I felt his hand grow limp in mine. I heard my mother scream... I heard..."
They quickly put their hand over their mouth.
"And last night, all I could see, feel, smell... taste... was the corpses. The corpses that piled up in the pits and decomposed under the hot sun. That spilled their rancid blood across the sand... that swelled and burst under the ground filling the air with the stench of death."
Spock stared at her, unsure what to say.
She took another deep breath and regained her composure, "I managed to cope, though I have been seeing glimpses of the great sickness throughout my day so far. On occasion, I have smelled the scent of decomposition. I believe that I am losing control of myself. Some sort of wall has been broken, and I am attempting to build it back... but to no avail."
"Lieutenant, have you spoken to the Captain about this?" Spock asked, trying to speak gently.
"He would have me removed from my duty of guarding the prisoner. To let my own struggles interfere with my duty would be illogical."
Spock didn't know what to say. He hadn't experienced what they experienced. He hadn't seen or felt what they had.
It was so much easier to tell her the things he had heard could help, but he himself wasn't entirely sure.
"You do not have to say anything." They said, picking up on his confusion. "I just needed to tell you. I know you understand me. You are like me."
Spock did something next that was entirely out of character for him.
He reached out and cupped her cheek in his palm and said, "While I cannot begin to understand your suffering, I can understand the distress the lack of control causes you... but I want to understand more."
She leaned into his palm, "Spock... are you suggesting kash-nohv?"
"If you are open to it, Lieutenant."
Mac'hla took a shuddering breath, "It will hurt you."
"Not nearly as much as what it has done to you. It will give me a glimpse; a fraction of your pain."
She nodded slowly and Spock knelt in front of them, gently placing his fingers on their face.
"My mind to your mind... my thoughts to your thoughts..."
Spock caught glances of Mac'hla's village. Death and misery. The suffering that painted Mac'hla's mind as a hellscape, filling the deepest recesses of her memory with pain.
He felt his heart racing in his side and his blood pumping. He felt Mac'hla's terror and agony... and their complete numbness that spread over his entire body, enveloping him in the unpleasant feeling of static.
"My lights... don't you ever dim."
The two separated with a pained gasp.
Mac'hla and Spock stared at each other, shaking.
"Mac'hla..." Spock started.
Mac'hla stood from their chair and strode from the room, not saying a word or even acknowledging what had just happened.