Hope this finds you well, xoxo.

Intro

Hey Diary,

My breakup with Hassan had been awful, heartbreaking and most of all devastating. They all tell you how you are better off without him, but their words makes no sense to my heart or my self-esteem.

Maybe saying yes to the engagement had been my biggest mistake, but I'd truly thought he was the one. I'd put so much hope and feelings into this relationship, I'd thought that we wanted the same things; a home, a family, a future. I'd been taken completely off guard when he had come to me a few days before our own wedding to not only call it off, but also tell me that along the way he fell for my best friend. And surprise! She loved him too, and I should be a little open minded, because they didn't mean to fall in love, it just happened!!!

Five months later, and I'm still in this 'feel nothing' zone. My dad thinks it's unnatural for me that I didn't cry. I think when your heart and dignity both break at the same time, you kind of feel numb. Going to work broke my heart every day a little more, the kids are amazing, and that's the greatest benefit you get for working as a teacher. They are never judgmental. You can act like a fool, cry like a baby or roll with them in the mud and they will still look at you with their fascinated eyes like you are a superhero. But the mums -even with knowing it's out of love - with their infuriating look of pity are the worst.

It really was the worst part for me, the pity I now inspire in the people here. I had always been the crazy, tomboy girl, but never before had people treated me with such understanding judgement. They were at once comforting, saying how horribly Hassan had acted, gossiping about everything, starting at my broken heart and ending at my wedding dress that's still waiting for me at the shop.

 I just want to scream out loud "I'm over it all, I'd moved on, so will you PLEASE leave me alone". But just between you and me diary, I feel like I'm drowning, like I'm suffocating in this crowded place and everyone is just looking and no one is moving out of my way just so I can breathe. I just need to breathe.

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So, for better understanding.

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Bold: for messages.