yes, I pushed you away
and I kept doing it
cause I wanted to be the one that leaves
not the other way round
you made promises you couldn't keep
I knew you wouldn't be patient but I had hope
a girl can't do nothing but hope right?
but life has a way of slamming the painful truth across one's face
cause you left just like the others
it started little by little
step by step
first ignored, then blamed
and for what?
for loving too much way too soon
it's not my fault my heart couldn't keep from loving you right?
yet we were both punished for leaping too soon
Both my heart and my soul
you said you didn't want to break me
funny cause that's exactly what you did
you shattered my heart causing the pieces to pierce me
reminding me that I didn't use my brain
the heart will always be a fool
not choosing carefully
I knew it was going to happen
I knew you would leave
and I knew it was going to hurt too much
I knew I was going to cry and scream
still I let you in
why? people may ask
cause I thought you were different
novels made me feel love was all about the butterflies in our tummy
the shivers running through our spine
and the electricity filling our every being
I should have known better
I believed the lies of my body wanting to find just one thing. Love..
and I did for a moment
I was lost in the fantasy of you and I
I would smile anytime you said you love me
what a fool I was
then reality woke me up sending chills down the same spine shivers ran through and the electricity shocked me awake and the butterflies flew away then the heart began to ache
but stupid heart still kept beating for you
even when tears ran down my cheek
even when I couldn't breathe even when smiling became too painful and laughing brought back tears
no, the tears weren't happy ones
the heart never knew how to stop or give up on you
even when I pretended that I was fine and that I was over you
I wanted to run back into your arms
wanted to see your smile again
wanted you to tease me like you used to
wanted to hold you
wanted to kiss you
caress you
I wanted to be yours again
and I would have if you had said you wanted me
but you never did
you only said sorry
sorry?
what was I supposed to do with just one word
I wanted three fucking words from your mouth
but you never said it
and I accepted it
I forgave you but I never forget
the memories still made me laugh and smile but then it made me cry
I couldn't even finish a novel without thinking of you
I got used to it though and with time it hurt less but never healed
I wonder if I'll run back into your arms if you come back
I wonder if I would crave your touch if I see you again
but I know I can't and that will be yet another torture
so I hope again that life would make me numb so I could look at you and walk away
but we all know life wouldn't go the way we planned
yet it all falls back to hope.
