My Secret Valentine

Chapter 1 - My Secret Valentine

It never ceased to amaze me how quickly time could fly by so effortlessly. With only two months left of winter, we'll finally be able to hang up our coats and jump out into something comfortable. Asides from seasonal changes, there was also the anticipation of graduation approaching. There were so much mixed emotions that ranges from excitement to intense nervousness. I dreamt of my senior year and now I was officially at the finish line —I was petrified.

Felt like yesterday when I was first introduced to my kindergarten classroom. I clutched onto my parents as I begged them not to leave me, and now I would be receiving my high school diploma. That would be a day full of tears and joy. It was an exemplary feeling of the pleasure of graduating with two of my best friends. I wouldn't have wanted it any other way.

The pros of being a senior came with its perks, such as half-day, pick-your-schedule, more field trips, spirit week themes, and after-school parties, not even to mention what everyone was waiting for — prom. Unfortunately, for me, I dreaded having to attend my prom. While the boys would be dressed down in their tuxedos and the girls turned into princesses, I would be at home doing GOD knows what. I was already aware that my mom and my friends would all badger me about it, but I had made up my mind. The reasoning for it was super embarrassing.

Truthfully, I didn't have a date. I had never even been a girlfriend. Never experienced my first kiss or anyone who remotely had a crush on me either. My self-esteem was outrageously low so it certainly didn't boost any assurance I was seeking. I also did not want to attend friends to a final school event, I wished for a date instead.

However, I wasn't desirable to anyone in my class. I wasn't the prettiest, sexiest, or most popular girl in my school. I was just me, Faye Evans, and nothing was appealing about me. I wasn't exactly what anyone would want. I wasn't the main character that stood out in any story or movie that people would slobber over. I was the exact opposite of that.

I wasn't too much of a girly girl so that canceled out any kind of attention in my direction. I didn't keep up with the latest styles or participated in the latest trends. I wouldn't refer to myself as much of a follower, however, I wasn't much of a leader either. I'd secretly envied my friends' level of confidence as they were more outgoing than I was. They could connect with others and stay true to their authentic selves while I felt a little bit of a leech to their side.

No matter how much I would try to avoid doing so, I was socially inept. I was too awkward, dorky, and a loser to fit in remotely with anyone, which puzzled me about how I had any friends at all. I was more into tomboyish clothes or anything baggy to cover my body in. I hadn't peaked yet so there wasn't much to hide from the public eye. Except for the areas that could turn you into a registered sex offender if exposed.

The frames of my glasses were thick to the point it was hard to stay on my face. The lens was clear enough for the world to see its past, present, and future. I was also a braceface so I appeared younger than I looked. Acne was the devil's mother and you couldn't convince me otherwise. Especially when it was cruel enough to cover a good portion of your face. You couldn't convince me there wasn't anyone praying on my downfall, and whoever it was, was succeeding.

I was also pretty short which made it easier to overlook me (in many ways), and it didn't help with my already bad posture. I hardly ever kept up with the maintenance of my locks, instead, I allowed them to spiral until I was coerced into getting it done. I would often tell people how I liked letting my hair sprout while they believed it was a sign of depression, I couldn't understand why it bothered people so much. I hoped at some point in my life I would get hit with some kind of confidence boost so that I felt better about myself. Until then, I guess I should practice patience.