tick. tick. tick.
I cant help but pay attention to the clock. It's the only interesting thing I'm able to do right now. I don't hate school. I don't love it. But I do really enjoy the library. I don't understand school. They don't teach us anything useful anymore. Just stuff we will never use and stuff to keep us distracted so we can test on it, and have that define our grades on how smart we are.
"Taylor"
I wish I was at home with bubby right now. He's the reason I'm still alive right now. Not only bubby but some of my friends.
"Taylor!" The teacher yells once more.
"Yes?" I say.
"What's a element?"
"Uhm..." I don't know what to say.
"Pay attention" she says giving me the side eye.
I hate this class. I love science but i don't really like the class. I don't really have friends in here. Except rowan.
..........
I'm home.
i don't know if I can call it that sometimes.
Something is missing. And I know exactly what is. I can't help but to mourn over my fathers death every day and night of my life. Hardest point in my 13 years of life. After my fathers death it felt like apart of me died too. Walking in on him pale and stiff was not a sight to see. I wish sometimes it could have been me instead of him. His lifeless eyes still still haunt me. I can't help but to think it was all my fault. I could have saved him. I knew he did drugs. I never once tried to stop him. Maybe once or twice but he never listened to 10 year old me.
I cant think about him anymore. I will start overthinking my life right now.
..
I walk over to my dresser and grab a book. I grabbed thrive. First thing I saw. I open the book and read for a bit but I can concentrate on anything right now.
I put my book and grab my phone. I text bella.
"Hey bestfren"
Bella she's one of the reasons I'm here. She's really bitchy, but honestly super funny. She brings me down so fucking much but then again brings me up in the most ways possible. She's bipolar. I can tell. Bella thinks to much about other people and their opinions about her. She comes to school with makeup on and decent clothing. Wish I had her motivation. She's so worried all the time. She needs to like loosen herself up. Yet again she's to worried about her getting with charlie. From Bella description Charlie said that she wants her and only her but then goes and worries about casey or sophia. I'm so fucking confused.
....
I sigh.
Im so tired but can't go to sleep. I turn on family guy.and then slowly drift to sleep.
.
.
.
"TAYLOR!!"
I wake up from the sound of grace anne. Yep that's my mother. I love her. But she's so fucking manipulative. Haven't actually seen "my" mom since before she did drugs. We're not gonna into that right now because I don't like speaking about it.
I eventually get up to get ready. I put on whatever u saw. Sweat pants and m'y America is great shirt. After that I lazily walk over to my mirror that says Loren hale is my husband in it and put a couple stones of mascara on.
I grab my stuff and walk downstairs.
"Taylor want anything to eat?" Wendy says. She's my moms wife. Don't have any peticular thoughts on her .
"No" I say.
"You need to eat something" she swiftly reply's acting like I'm trying starve myself.
"I'm not hungry."
I walk out to car taking my time. I wish I was sleeping righ now.
I get Into to the car making my mom blast chase Atlantic.
Consume comes on. Ironic.
...
We pull up to school. It's 7:14. Can the doors open yet?
While waiting I think about if I had any homework because I vaguely remember having some.
I see the sight of kids walking in.
"Bye mom." I say in my speaking to grace Anne voice.
"Bye" she quickly repeindre as if she wants to get rid of me.
I walk up the stairs and into school.
I almost everyday walk in as the same time as Bella. I see her wearing the same black leggings and a baggy shirt. Does she have any other clothes? On god.
"Hey taylor" she says excitedly.
"Hey" I say in a tired voice while rubbing my eyes.
We walk over to the breakfast table with meridith, Tessa, Roman, Liam, and river.
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