¡9!

Happy... (very late...) Fantasma Anniversary!!!!!

Omg Wattpad!!! Literally have only used this twice this year and 0 views on my last chapter 💀

Finally... It's dead... Just the way I wanted it...

No I'm low-key really happy to be here!! It's so nostalgic the ugly orange brings back so many memories-

Anyways, we're here for the Fantasma anniversary!!! Woo!!! I really want to make a wattpad chapter once every year to update my life to absolutely no one so why not do it and celebrate Fantasma as well, eh?

...Jeez Louis I just checked and there's no chapter for the 4th Fantasma anniversary??? This is outrageous

Well... That brings me a lot of announcements to make then...

Bsbsbsb okay so I really didn't show any Fantasmod stuff???

Huh...

...

...well okay then.

And that's all I can add wattpad can't handle gifs bigger than 3mb

So... Yeah. This is a thing now. Smiley and I have been making this a reality, with me making the sprites and her making the backgrounds, and together we sometimes make music except it's hard. Except they're fire too, genuinely, go check me out on soundcloud @/Mypetblackie they're pretty cute

So outside of that? Actual Fantasma content?

Well- um- you see-

This year's been pretty whack to me. In fact, ever since I moved I was never quite the same. It's like a part of me died the moment I stepped onto the bus for the very first time at my new school. My perception of the world was shattered. Literally everyone was douches. Insecurities started creeping back. They leeched onto my brain and once again I found myself hating myself as much as I did in middle school, and I had nowhere to go. I was steadily losing friends fast, and all I felt like I had was one true friend and 4 others that were dangling by threads, and I was constantly debating whether to cut them or not. It was... Scary. But, things got better

I don't know what it started with exactly, but I guess I felt pushed to my limit and I couldn't take it any longer, I had to get on hrt. So in February, I got a doctor, talked things out in March, then got started on pills in April. Happy birthday to me!!!

Things obviously didn't change overnight, but we're starting to change for sure. In June I started seeing literal lumps on my chest, and by September- nothing much really I still look pretty much exactly the same

BUTTT I had a mental epiphany. Idk if it was from Omori or hrt (probably both), but I suddenly changed my perspective on everything. I had just realized that I was losing all my friends and having them turn against me not because they were rude, but I was telling myself that they didn't like me. I took every action they took as evidence that they didn't want to be my friend anymore, and so I said they were pretty horrible things because I was so cripplingly insecure of having no friends and what they would think of me. I was so scared of failing as a friend that I failed myself

Idk where I'm going with this, but I realized that sucked, so suddenly I love my friends, especially for getting an idea of what they put up with for all this time. And for sticking with me through it all... That is some dedication and true friendship right there. I'm like forever grateful and I'll never even think about cutting those 4 strings in a heartbeat anymore

And with being able to love my friends, I was able to truly love myself again, and even moreso with how much of a cute girl I'm becoming!! I can't wait until the day I start passing, I'm close!!! I know it. Im on my 7th month already!!!

It's just so crazy to look back on the last 2 years and cringe horribly suddenly realizing just how insecure I was coming off to others

And now ive actually started making new friends, and they've even joined the Fantasma server!! I still feel undeserving of all this, like one day it's just gonna disappear... I've definitely relapsed into my negative thinking and suddenly hate my friends for no reason, but they never leave a lasting impact now because I know they'll wipe off eventually. It feels... Great being myself. It's so liberating ❤

Yeah yeah, fantasma, I promise that rant's relevant-

With this new knowledge and how I literally climbed my mountain I've been struggling on since I remember, I finally know what kind of story i want to tell Fantasma in... And it's amazing. I can't tell you too much cause shhhhhh spoilers, but I really want to make it a game now!! With 3 major routes with many varying elements that make each playthrough unique

But um... I can show you some worldbuilding stuff

SAM HAS A FAMILY!!!!! (Still orphan tho)

Okay I'm literally falling asleep as I write this. Publishing now before i forget, and editing later to show this year's inktasma