The Journey To Becoming Dar!

Chapter 1

"I feel like I abused you.."
Thats what was said to me that's got me to thinking....Damn....abused? Thats crazy. 27 years later and I'm still dealing with people abusing me. Even without even noticing, that's mad wild (lol).

I mean, well I didn't see it as abuse but maybe thats something it could've been because I don't know what it was...but that's a story for later..

This statement made me wonder how much I've really been abused in my lifetime. So let's go back, as far as we can. This will be a self healing journey. We will talk about about these incidents, we will feel them and we will let them go.

Let's go back to our younger days. Id say maybe 6? I'm not for sure on the age but it was around there. We lived on this street name Elliot. My mom had a boyfriend, we'll call him Mister. Mister had 3 other kids, 1 daughter and 2 sons. One son was the same age as me while the other was a few years older than me.

Mister ended up moving in with us, him and his oldest son. We'll call him Mitch. So it's me, my brother, my mother ,Mister, and Mitch all living together.

Now I was young so I'm not sure exactly what my mom and Mister would be doing when they would leave us alone at home but I'm gonna assume my mom would be at work because she did work.

We were left alone a lot of times. He was always in charge because he was the oldest. He made us do things that we most definitely shouldn't have been doing many times. Theres two big times I remember the most but only one is my story so that's the one we'll talk about.

I can't even remember where everyone was at, I don't even know where my brother was. It was just him and I had he had made be perform oral sex on him as he did the same to me . It was weird and I didn't like nor understand what I was doing I jut knew it was bad and I wasn't supposed to tell my mom but I was scared of him so I did what he said do.

So the next day we were alone again and this time he wanted to know what it taste like. "Tell me what it taste like!" He said.

"I don't know" I said. I mean I was a child what the hell was I was supposed to say? I don't even know what the hell I just did. "I'm gonna lick you from your top to your bottom and if you don't tell me what it taste like by the time I get down here I'm gone bite you and you're gonna bleed to death!" What? "Oh my God I don't know what to say and I don't wanna bleed to death." Is what I thought.

Remember I'm 6 years old so of course I really think i'm gonna bleed to death if he bites me. Im terrified. He's half way down there and I say the first thing that comes to my mind.

"Peaches! It taste like peaches"

Nobody knew about that and I never told my mom about it until I was 16yrs old. That was the first time I was abused.

Well...I think I've healed from that. It's not as hard to get out. How I did it I really do not know.
That incident made me the over protective mother I am today. Though the happened in the home my mom put way too much trust in a child simply because he was a child. We must always remember children can be the one doing the hurting as well....Especially when they themself have been abused too.

Let's move on.

Chapter 2
Were gonna talk about Mister and all the damage he caused. (lol)

Where do I start about Mister......He was different. He was an amazing actor in my opinion. Nice mouth piece. Smooth criminal type shit lol.
I like to think that's how he got my mom because he may had looked like he was something but in reailty he was a stone cold BUM.

Thats just the truth from my eyes.

Im not sure when he showed his true self to my mom but I know it was way before the ring.
See, when you're a child you see things differently. You don't know the ins and outs of a relationship. All you really know is you don't like someone or something they're not doing. All I knew was my mom was with this horrible man that I HATED and for very good reason I may add.