pink nights / sally face

flowers will grow

AUTHOR'S NOTE
this chapter picks up from where the last chapter left off! i'd recommend going back and reading the previous cabin chapters. (sorry)

also ... sorry again but a part of this chapter is HEAVILY nsfw! like, just giant SMUT warning!

please don't be mean to me, it was super hard for me to bring myself to write smut but i felt like the story needed the conclusion. but yeah i can't handle mean criticism so please be nice to me. <3

"fuck, it's cold." sal swings the front door open and finally, my body stands a chance at maintaining a habitable temperature. "if we were insane and wanted to sleep outside in the snow, we'd die for sure."

still shivering i grab my coat from the couch and shove my arms in with urgency. "i don't know what made you say that but i guess you're right."

"i'm just saying!" he crosses his arms tightly over his body and lightly shivers. "hey, uh, so tonight was nice."

my heart skips a beat as i watch his eyes reveal a smile. "yeah, it was." his eyes flit over my face and i panic, "uh, i-i'm gonna go take a shower." without missing a beat i dash up the stairs leaving sal shivering.

i shut the door behind me and rip off my swimsuit. "fuck!" i run my hands through my hair, cold and confused. why did i do that?! i just got shy and left sal?! in the middle of an intimate moment, are you stupid?! do you want him to think you hate him? to think that he did something wrong? holy fuck?! what the fuck is wrong with you?! i feel tears sting my eyes and recklessly turn the knob of the shower. steam begins to rise as i force my body under the burning stream and wince. out of anger i leave the knob on the hottest setting. much too soon the pain subsides and no longer feels like a sufficient punishment.

as i force myself to shower, i begin to cry while shampooing my hair. i'm sobbing actually. i am so unbelievably mad at myself, i don't know what to do to relieve this frustration. apologizing to sal doesn't feel right. i don't want to explain myself and i certainly don't want him to see how upset i am. i want just want an undo button.  i mean, to ruin a moment like *that* and then crawl back crying to him about how i'm upset at myself for what i did? i'd just ruin things even more. it'd be much less intimate than awkward. god- i wish i was just unconscious or something. i finish showering as quickly as possible so i can hide in bed and pretend i don't exist.

i towel dry my hair, slip on a hoodie, and grab my phone before burying myself under the covers. i wish i could be sedated. i shut my eyes as tight as possible and curl up into a ball with my phone clutched to my chest. my closed eyes only bring darkness but not a ounce of peace. my mind is the furthest thing from relaxed. i can't stop thinking about sal. about how close we were in the hot tub. how desperately his lustful eyes searched mine for a similar gaze. i wanted him so badly. he brings me more comfort than i've ever known in my whole life and i ran away from him when all i wanted was right in front of me. i left him, in the midst of his peaking need, i left him only to question himself. like, fuck-- god knows if i were him, i'd be writing a suicide note. imagine showing vulnerability to someone you trust and have them switch up on you without obvious cause? yeah, i can surely forget about crawling back to him now with a half-assed apology. to think i really had the audacity to believe the problem with that idea was the damage my ego would endure! no, sal probably wouldn't even want to talk to me right now. he's probably in bed just as frustrated as i am. only difference being that his feelings are justified and he has someone else besides himself to blame. which is a much less pathetic version of my own suffering. god, i don't doubt he'll avoid me tomorrow. and i wouldn't blame him for pretending like i don't exist the whole car ride home. how pathetic will it be when ash and larry act oblivious of the tension for my sake. they'll just ask sal about what happened once i'm gone. and then he'll tell him all about how i'm not what he thought i was. how i'm unpredictable, selfish, and avoidant. it's not that he'd be lying. and it's not like he wouldn't have figured it out sooner or later. i am the same flight risk as i've always been.  i'd deserve if sal decided to never talk to me ag- DING. my phone vibrates against my chest and i flinch— throwing the covers off my head, sending my phone flying to the floor.