her ocean eyes // B.E.

berlin.

She finally came to Germany. It was the year 2017 when she finally made her way to Berlin. I've been waiting my whole life to see her. Currently I'm at the same age as she is - 16. My life hasn't been really good lately, I was suffering from deep depression. But her music was better than therapy. My parents never noticed I wasn't okay, so luckily they didn't send me to some stupid psycho-hospital. You only get worse there, and if you weren't crazy before, you will definitely be afterwards.

But now I'm here, sitting in the train with my ticket to her concert firmly in my hands. I can't believe this is actually going to happen, it has always been my biggest dream. A smile occured on my face as my eyes scanned the nature outside. I was clearly daydreaming about her.

The things I would let her do to me...I mean! In my mind I slapped myself. How dare I.

I quietly hummed along the melody that was playing through my airpods since I'm alone in this booth. I have social anxiety which is why I would never hum along if people were here. I would basically shit myself if someone ever heard me sing.

Except the concert...I'm gonna scream my soul out, that's for sure. Nobody is gonna care how whacked I sing. All I want is to see her. Her - the most gorgeous woman on earth.

I'm lucky enough to have a ticket for the front rows, I prayed to lord that those weren't sold out yet. And there I go. My inner child is so happy right now.

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5 hours until show starts. I am nervous I'm not gonna lie. The way my heart beats so fast right now was never like that before. Not even when I was in love for the first time. I guess I must really love HER then.

I already got my spot in the very front row sitting there and waiting. For my luck I got snacks and drinks in my bag so I don't have to go and buy something, people would definitely steal my spot. Damn, for once I was thinking right.

A few hours later the Badehaus - the place she performed at - was full. Obviously no one wanted to miss her, that wasn't even a question.

Only a few more minutes until show starts. I made sure my phone was charged fully and had my camera ready because I definitely wanted to record the whole thing. Poor phone.

Now it was time. My knees were basically fucking pudding and my heart seemed to jump out of my damn chest any moment. I was nervous as hell. I finally got to see the person I love the most at the moment.

3...2...1...and there she was. Billie Eilish Pirate Baird O'Connell. My eyes were filled with love right now and my body seemed to die. She was so fucking beautiful. Her silver hair was hanging loose over her shoulders. She was wearing a green oversized outfit. She was effortlessly gorgeous as always. I just simply died.

As the show started, "Copycat" was first. We all sang - nah, basically screamed - along. I could swear she looked at me. She directly stared into my soul with those stunning ocean eyes and smiled. I think I passed away again. Might not be the last time tonight.

No fair
You really know how to make me cry
when you gimme those ocean eyes
I'm scared
I've never fallen from quite this high
falling into your ocean eyes
those ocean eyes

I almost cried when she sang this. Her voice literally sounded so angelic I cannot handle this. It felt like I was in a dream, like all this wasn't real.

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This night was just amazing. Billie's last song just ended and I'm starting to feel my sight get blurry. I don't want this to be over.

After her song "party favor" finished I was a mess. I was sobbing so hard not wanting to let Billie go. She made me smile again though because now she got off stage and greeted all her fans. Her family, as she likes to say.