Someone.
Please.
Please just end me already.
The last thing that I want is someone to grab a knife and stab me with it.
Someone. Please just do it.
Please end my life for me.
I don't wanna do it myself, so you should do it!
All of you people who hurt me, do it right now!
If you hate my presence in your everyday life at school so much, then just push me off of the stairs!
Send me death threats!
Beat me to death!
Make my life a living hell!
It's not like anyone would care anyway!
Even if my mom still loves me, that still doesn't change the fact that I NEED to die.
I NEED my life to end this instant.
And if anyone doesn't kill me today, then I'll be disappointed.
I DON'T WANNA LIVE ANOTHER DAY FOR FUCK'S SAKE!
I'm tired of suffering every single goddamn day.
I'm tired of seeing all of their faces too.
They seem so happy without me, I'm not happy about that.
I wish their happiness gets crushed in an instant.
I wish all of them suffer.
...
I wish I could become stronger.
I wish I could change myself.
Change myself so that I can become the person everyone will love the most.
One day, people will love me.
One day, people will admire me for my looks.
One day, I'll have many friends.
But that day is so out of reach, to be honest.
I could go on and on about this.
I'd rather waste someone's time than waste my own time, anyway.
People just don't care sometimes.
They think that I don't exist.
When really, I'm right here, in the front row seat at school.
The teacher could see me.
Anyone who just came into the classroom could see me.
And yet, nobody decided to talk to me.
Am I fucking invisible to them?!
For fuck's sake, I'm real!
So notice me already!
Notice me!
Give me attention!
Argh! Just love me!
.
Uh, yeah.
I....don't know what else to say, even though I have a lot of emotions in me.
Oh, wait, I know one thing.
Someone apparently doesn't like me.
I mean, I know that boys are shitheads and all, but they really, REALLY get on my nerves that easily.
Whenever I feel like I just wanna let all of my tears out, they mock me.
Such a great move for an ugly pig like him.
Heh, ugly pig.
Perfect nickname for him.
Y'know, I suggest giving awful nicknames to the people you hate so much.
Like....my dad for example.
I don't even wanna call him dad anymore.
I mean, duh, he and my mom divorced years ago, but that doesn't mean he can escape his responsibilities as a father to me and my idiotic older brother.
So now, I'm calling him 'fag'.
.
WAIT NO!
I'm calling him 'annoying old hag'!
Perfect!
I'm calling my brother 'idiotic rat'!
And I'm calling myself the useless kid!
Perfect!
...
Oh, I hate myself?
Why yes, with a burning passion.
I'm determined to punish myself whenever I make a mistake.
Making mistakes is no good after all.
The shittalk about 'nobody is perfect, no one is perfect, only god is perfect' blah blah blah yadayadayada you know it is boring!
I can agree with the 'only god is perfect' mindset, but god, I wish I could be perfect.
You know all of those perfect families out there?
Yeah, they'll never be perfect.
There's no perfect human being.
...
Until I step in.
I'll be a perfect human being, and I'll punish myself whenever I make a mistake.
Because making mistakes makes me sick.
I hate making mistakes.
Especially on purpose.
I don't wanna do it on purpose!
...
I'm sorry.
I really am.
I'm sorry for everything.
I'm sorry for wasting your time.
I'm sorry for even being alive.
Letting me be alive is god's most biggest mistake, to be honest.
...
Yeah, yeah, I know my problems aren't valid, and you can mock me for that.
I apologize.
I only needed something to vent.
I might delete this after awhile, but overall, this'll still be here.
I'm sorry for exposing you to this horrible side of me.
Goodbye for now.
