Patrick was bringing out facets in him that were entirely his own, not borrowed or imitated but indefinably unique and with each passing day, he was struck anew by the power this sweet, dithering, affable man had over him. In this very moment, he had a mere vestigial notion of a time before he loved Patrick, it's as if it never existed. Such was his inability to distance himself from the feelings that had fused with every fiber of his being that he had ceased to remember when he last felt anything, for anything and it wasn't laced with love for Patrick. Could it even be conceivable that he'd loved him long before he even knew of his existence? It sure felt like it. After all, the very first time he laid eyes on Patrick, he was holding court and it's as if he was a vortex into which, against his will, Kevin was drawn and instantly sucked right in. Emblazoned in his memory was the... Nope!
Focus. Things to be done. Nose, hump the bollocks out of that bloody grindstone!
He'd only been in the apartment for a couple of hours but already the chaos was beginning to irk him. He liked things to be in neat, straight lines and this was anything but. Kevin decided to start the unpacking process with the kitchen stuff. Easy decision, this bit could be done without Patrick's input. After all it was their home and he wanted to make it so with Patrick. He was excited beyond comprehension about unravelling their belongings and giving them places to live. It was so much more than unpacking, it was a reimagining of all that once was and all that could be.
Over the years, he had managed to build up quite a sizeable collection of kitchen paraphernalia and he knew that Patrick only came with a few chipped, novelty mugs and an odd assortment of shot glasses. He'd lived with him for a month and could dangle the meagre contents of his kitchen cabinets on his pinky. Unlike Patrick, Kevin liked to cook; the careful preparation and execution of meals proved to be quite therapeutic for his orderly mind. It also added to his deliciously irresistible charms. In the very first box he prized open, he found his Tsukasa 270mm White Steel Enryu Kurouchi Damascus Wa-Gyuto knife, one of the many generous gifts that Jon had given him and it was as expensive as the name was long. Bollocks! Jon had taken him to a Sushi making class in Seattle and even though he liked his battered, deep fried and doused in generous amounts of vinegar with a side of greasy, salty chips, he found that he rather liked preparing raw fish. In the artistry of the craft was where the pleasure lay for him but he had also taken pleasure in watching Jon enjoy the exploits of his labour. Jon had helped him develop a new paradigm with food. He didn't care much for all the fancy, hipster, new age nonsense that Jon was preoccupied with but begrudgingly he had come to appreciate the effects a healthier diet had on his body. Oh Jon, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to... Jon, who on paper was the perfect boyfriend. Why wasn't I ever allowed a day off? It's my body, I want to stuff it with stodge sometimes. Why did I need permission? Permission to be the best of me, permission to be the worst of me? Why couldn't you be a little bit more chilled out? Guilt started to seep back in and the pristine white linen of ecstatic joy he felt just moments ago started to develop a blot, ripe with festering anger he felt towards himself. He had to stem the flow, stop the blot from spreading and obliterating this, the most perfect of days!
On the verge of panicking, he forced his thoughts down a different terrain. Patrick! His name alone made his cock twinge with anticipation. He needed to see Patrick, to touch him, to taste him. He could smell Patrick's heady aroma... Shut this down or you'll achieve sweet diddly-squat! It's only been a few hours and it's at least an hour before he gets here! He was moments away from a hard on and had he given into it, he could've had a wank and that would've helped dissipate his anxiety over Jon and all else he was feeling right now but he didn't want that. He wanted the first time he experienced sexual pleasure in the apartment to be with Patrick. Preferably with his face buried deep in Patrick's groin and with him pulsating with the ecstasy that Kevin enticed in him. Bucking his hips in Kevin's direction to give more of himself to him all the while softly screaming his name and profaning emphatically. He couldn't wait to lavish his man with sexual adoration and in so doing, finding his own sweet release... Fuck this for a game of soldiers, I need a drink!
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Fiksi PenggemarKevin seemed so in love with Patrick. So what made him screw it up so royally on the very day that they moved in together? This is my attempt at making sense of why the conversation happened in the first place.