Shades Of Blue

27. Forgive

Neel

August

Age 17

Benjie sat cross-legged on his bed, his nose in a book when Neel let himself into the room. Paying him no mind, he continued to read as Neel shut the door behind him.

Bothered, Neel fiddled with the doorknob then sighed and turned to Benjie. "How do you still not have a lock on your door?"

Benjie continued to read, ignoring Neel's looming presence. His sad eyes scanned each word with a focused curiosity. Neel wondered what he was reading about, unable to recognize the novel's title. What world was Benjie lost in within those pages? What insights were flowing into his mind?

Forcing a positive facade, Neel hopped onto the bed in his socks. He sat behind Benjie, resting his lover's back between his legs. He encircled Benjie's shoulders and chest with his embrace and planted kiss after kiss on his cheek. "I'll make it up to you," he said, nuzzling his face into Benjie's sand-colored  hair. He hadn't meant to stand Benjie up, he had simply forgotten they made plans.

Benjie shrugged him off and set his book to the side. He didn't budge from his spot on the bed, only putting his head in his hands.

Neel tucked a loose strand of hair behind Benjie's ear. "Babe-"

"Don't call me that."

"Okay." He pulled Benjie back to him, encasing him in a hug. "Do you wanna talk about it?" he wondered, sensually nibbling at Benjie's neck. He kissed his skin, tasting the salt of Benjie's sweat on his tongue as his hand loosened Benjie's sweatpants. He was already hard, Neel was forgiven.

"No. It's stupid." Benjie relaxed into him, closing his eyes as Neel teased his neck. His breath grew deeper, heavy with lust before he turned around to let their tongues meet.

With a wide smile, Neel pulled away and bumped his forehead against Benjie's. As far as he was concerned, all was well. "You should come to the party tomorrow."

"Not a chance," Benjie stated.

Neel pouted. "It's the last summer party before we graduate. It's a milestone."

"I don't care," he shook his head. "I don't do parties. Remember the last one you dragged me to? You got so drunk you accused me of hooking up with Moira, told me you're in love with me and that you hate me in the span of a half hour."

"Well," he shrugged. "Maybe I needed to get that out. Tomorrow will be different. We'll get fucked up together, fool around in the woods..."

"We always fool around in the woods," Benjie reminded him. "You know parties aren't fun for me. I'm just gonna feel weird and leave anyways."

"Please?" Neel begged. "I want you to be there. And the moment you wanna leave, we'll go, okay? I just want you to try."

Benjie thought on it, chewing his bottom lip in contemplation.

Neel took his hand. "Please?"

With a long exhale, Benjie gave his head the slightest of nods.

"Was that a yes?"

Benjie rolled his eyes, a side-smirk emerging on his face.

"Oh my-" Neel gasped in disbelief, grabbing Benjie's face to better inspect it. "Is that a smile? Oh, my God, it is!" His fingers dug under Benjie's shirt to tickle him beneath his arms.

"Stop," Benjie giggled, squirming in Neel's arms. He grabbed his lover's hands, still giggling. "I will destroy you."

"Not if I destroy you first," Neel countered, continuing his tickle attack.

Wriggling around in an attempt to evade Neel's fingers, Benjie straddled his opponent, pushed him onto his back and firmly held his wrists. "I win," he huffed in satisfaction before he kissed Neel again.

"Uh," a voice wondered from the bedroom door. "What'cha guys doin'?"

Benjie hopped off of Neel and stumbled to the floor.

"Wrestling," Neel told Ellie matter-of-factly, trying to give the impression that she was weird to think they were acting weird.

"What the fuck have I asked you?" Benjie shouted at his sister. "Knock!"

"What? It's just you and Neel. It's not as bad as last night."

Neel raised an eyebrow and couldn't contain his curiosity. "What happened last night?"

Ellie smirked, placing a movie she had borrowed from her brother on his desk. "Let's just say, I really got to know Amina better."

"Get out," Benjie grumbled at her.

"Hey, Neel's my friend, too."

"Get the fuck out!" Benjie's voice boomed as he ushered his sister out, then leaned his back against the door as though he expected her to come barging back in at any second. The way he shouted at her; it was the first time Benjie reminded Neel of Mr. Archer.

Neel fixed his gaze on the boy he loved, jealousy flowing thick through his veins. "Amina's back."

Benjie nodded.

"I didn't know you guys were still..."

Benjie shrugged dismissively. "You have Moira. I have Amina."

"Did she bring you any party favors?" he wondered; his tone accusatory.

Benjie chortled. "Stop."

"What?" Neel tried to laugh. "You only do coke when you see her."

Benjie rubbed at his eyes in frustration. "I don't do it in front of you. What do you want from me?"

"I dunno, to not do it at all?" Neel replied with a tint of snark. "It's not good for your disorders and that shit can kill you. It's dangerous."

Benjie rolled his eyes and joined Neel on the bed. "Why do you care?"

"Why do you think?" Neel asked, entangling his fingers in Benjie's hair once again. "I'd fuckin' kill myself if you died."

"Don't say shit like that."

Neel tenderly pressed his lips to Benjie's, holding his face in his palm. "It's true. I don't know if I could just live if something happened to you. I wouldn't want to."

"I hate it when you talk like that. It isn't cute or romantic. It's devastating," Benjie grumbled, resting his head against Neel's chest. "If something ever did happen to me, I'd be pissed if you followed me. If I can't live, then you have to live for the both of us."