The state that I'm in. (BEING EDITED)

odd

Hello! Small chapter but important one. I'll come and edit but this will do for now.

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"So now what? We go back to being strangers until we meet again by chance or you follow me and end up in bed together?...because that won't happen again" I said defeated, the way he so easily confessed that he would rather see me in someone else's arms rather than fight for me burnt my heart to no limit.

"No, no, we can't do that" he closed his eyes and shook his head.

"Which one?" I asked in an ironic tone my annoyance obvious.

"I can't not be part of your life. We just won't be a couple' he said as if this was the simplest thing in the world, as if our feelings for each other would be locked somewhere inside and the key thrown in the ocean for the whales to devour.

"My sister and my family miss you, too. So much...they love you actually"

"So what do you suggest?" I turned my head to face him, our shoulders touching and he did the same.

"We can be friends Valerie...we just won't be together. We will meet like you meet Leo or your other friends so we won't miss each other so much and we won't go crazy" he explained.

"What about if someone wants to move on?" I asked...the thought of moving on from Harry inconceivable.

"Then...then...they move on. We will still be friends" he stated.

"...and there is no chance of us being together again then..." I asked my eyes pleading.

"I ...I...no. You need to move on Valerie but I am selfish enough to be part of your life. I won't cause trouble anymore and know that I will always be here for you, whatever you need. I can be your friend, your confidant, your rock...I just can't stay away" he said and by now he was staring in my eyes hovering over me once again before he finally leaned and kissed my lips like he was saying goodbye. He pecked my lips one more time looking in my eyes and then my lips.

"If this is what you want...I guess I don't get to have a say in it"

"OK then. I'll go now... to Pete's. I need to see Antony in the afternoon. Are you working tonight?"

I nodded. He got up and moved to the closet. He grabbed a duffel bag that he kept there and started shoving his things in. I hadn't returned anything to him in the three weeks that we weren't together. Maybe I felt that he would be back one day but seeing him picking his stuff...it was like somebody punched me in the chest...I couldn't watch that. I jumped out of bed and got my sweatpants and a t-shirt and rushed to the bathroom locking the door behind me, the hot tears rolling uncontrollably down my cheeks. I sat on the floor and let go of the sobs that were struggling to stay hidden. My hands covered my face and I tried to swallow as much pain as possible...I didn't want him to pity me. I don't know how long I stayed there...

There was a soft knock on the bathroom door. I clumsily dried my eyes and grabbed some tissue to clean my nose as silently as possible.

"Valerie...baby...are you OK?" he asked softly his voice trying to tip toe on my soul.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine" I answered hiding my whimpers or at least attempting to.

"I'm sorry...I'm so sorry"

"Please go Harry"

"I'll text you later, yeah?"

"Yeah" I answered dryly.

****

So he wanted to be friends and he wanted to be part of my life. He wanted to be close to me but not be together. So basically he wanted to torture me like last night never happened. I mean for God's sake he didn't even talk to me last night. He threw himself at me without even thinking of the consequences and now he was talking of being friends? God how were we supposed to do that?