Ava's letter

Dear Beatrice

By the time you read this letter I will most likely be gone. I asked mother superior to give this to you when the time was right, but please don't blame her she didn't know what I was planning to do.

Oh man where do I start, who knew goodbye letters were so hard to write?! Guess I should've gone to middle school after all... well here goes something!

I've lived most of my life paralyzed in a bed, I didn't know what it was like to dance at a party until my feet hurt, or how to drink, I didn't have any friends or family, I didn't know what it was like to love and be loved...
But then u happened and suddenly I had everything. You taught me how to dance, how to dream... you taught me how to love.
When I first got the halo I was scared so I ran from my responsibilities but eventually I realized that this is where I was supposed to be, because things change when you realize not everything is about you. You taught me that too! And so I stayed. The ocs gave me a home, a purpose and a family and for that I am forever grateful. And I'm not talking about the church, even when we were on the run, I still had all of that, I was still at home because I was with you. Bea YOU are my home.
Remember when you told me that I would never be alone again? That no matter what happened I would still have you? I think that's when I knew. You opened up my heart in so many ways, ways I never thought were possible. When I thought about the future, you were in it in every single scenario, I dreamed about all the places we could visit, all the memories we could make. I found peace in your smile and the thought of a life with you.
Everyday I spent with you showed  me just how lucky I am to have you in my life. I was falling and didn't even realize. I was falling for your laugh, your eyes, your voice, I was falling for you...
But warrior nuns are not supposed to have all that, they're not supposed to live a normal life so as much as I wish I could, it can't be any different for me and I'm sorry but I have to do this. I have to do this for everyone. I have to die so everyone else can live so YOU can live. I wish there was another way but this is the only one.
I want you to know that I'm happy and I'm at peace and I'm not scared to die if that means you get to live. I hope some day you'll understand.

Bea you gave me something to fight for and I'm sorry I didn't tell you before but I love you. I never thought it was possible to love someone so much, all I ever wanted was for you to be happy just like you made ME happy.

In my life, I've lost a lot but I found myself in you and loving you has been my greatest experience.
I want you to know that whatever happens, wherever I am, I will never stop trying to find a way back to you.

I want you to live. I want you to be happy. I want you to have the life you deserve.
I wish I had more time to say more but this will have to do. Give everyone a hug for me okay?!

Goodbye Bea<3