Living L.A.

Chapter 3

After a long day and a refreshing 'talk' with the guidance counselor, I was finally at home. Slowly approaching the door, a nauseating smell pounded on my nose, literally making the back of my head hurt.

" I LOVE YOU!! I GOT SUNSHINE ON A CLOUDY DAY!!"

My mother was singing at the top of her lungs, I hesitated while opening the door, not until the neighbors started staring at our house.

Slowly opening the door to witness the horror, my mother is in her birthday suit, butt naked, with her boobs smothered with mayonnaise!

" Mom, please, no! Not today!"

Grabbing her hand and yanking her off the table. Dragging her upstairs to her room.

" Unhand me you foul monster! Leave me alone!"

" JUST CALM DOWN WOMAN!!! "

She slowly turned her head to me, completely surprised that I actually blew up in her face, she actually had a sense of reality in her eyes, but as soon as it came, it disappeared just as quickly.

Walking with her to the bathroom, I removed every single hairpin from this sick brunette then drew a hot bath. While stepping in, she turned to me, all tired in the eyes,

" Did you use the mango coconut soap? " She asked in the most sweetest and innocent tone.

" Yes, I used the mango coconut soap."

She suddenly took up the bottle of bubble bath and started to chug it down.

" Mom?!? What the hell are you doing?!?"

Quickly snatching the bottle out of her grasp, she spat out the soap.

" Well the bottle said it was made from the real mango and coconut and that it is the perfect island mix!

"Well that doesn't mean you drink it down like a bottle of Vodka!"

"I like Vodka, it makes me feel good."

I sighed heavily, passing her a loofa to bathe with. Running down stairs, I got to work, washing the stove, sweeping up broken plates and scrapping off crappy looking stuff off the pots.

" Why are you throwing away dinner?"

Whipping my head around, I saw my mother wearing my pajamas.

" Mom, what are you doing?"

" Lexi told me to wear your monkey pajamas."

I am so lost right now, I wouldn't be surprised if a huntsman walked inside the house to help me to my Grandmother's cottage, see what I did there.

" What the hell is a Lexi?"

My mother smiled so sweetly, gently touching my cheek.

" She's my fashion consultant."

Massaging my forehead with my middle and index fingers,

" From all the crap you have said, this must be the worst."

The lock in the door clicked, revealing a very beaten up, lazy ass father.

" What the hell is she wearing?"

I felt sick in my stomach,

" I don't know Dad, maybe you should something about it."

" I rather not."

My mother skipped over to him, gleaming all over.

" C'mon David let's go and have some fun like we used to."