BILLIE-HALES & ZEALOUS

Chapter 14

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

ZEAL:
"What can I get you?"
The barman asked over the thumping music.
As he leans in closer, I tell him, "I'll have a double whiskey."
While he's doing this, I'm turning my head around just to watch the band that's playing.
They seem decent enough, and the crowds jumping. So I'd say that they're doing pretty good since it's their first time on the stage.
While I watched them, I felt a presence watching me, so when I turn my head, I lock eyes with Charlie Forman. She's watching me from across the room.
Fuck. I'm pissed mortal drunk, I can't be doing with her shit right now. If it had been five months ago, I would've jumped at the chance. Only right now, my head is so fucked up, I don't know which way is up.
For weeks I've been trying my best to stay out of her way as Billie asked and I did. I stayed away from her. Unfortunately, it proves hard when we go to the same college. And now I wish I didn't make any eye contact because she's heading my way.
Bollocks!

"Hey, baby, fancy seeing you here. How are you doing? You fancy a little company?"
She's lifting her hand to my hair where she plays with a loose lock, one that's hanging down the side of my face. So obviously, I take hold of her hand and pull it away. I'm not a fan of people touching my hair unless it's Billie Hales. That woman's touch. I can't ever get enough of it, but now, I've no clue what to do. I mean, we've fucked up and now we're royally fucked.

"Yeah, sure, why not."
Why the hell did I say that? Well, I'm out my head on booze and a few lines of coke. Well, I guess I don't really give a shit what she does right now.
She sits by my side a little too close if you ask me, but I don't move I just carry on with my drinking.

"So, where's the old ball and chain she not allowed out tonight?"

"Shut it, Charlie! I don't want to talk about it. All I want to do is get pissed and off my face! Now if you're gonna sit here, don't slag her off. No matter how you feel about her, just remember. I love her. She's mine. So long as you can do that then you can drink with me, but quietly."

"Okay baby, whatever you want. I'm here for you, for whatever you need, baby." She said while running her hand up my thigh. All the while speaking into my ear and reminding me of our night in that shed. And with me filled with booze and drugs, I let her carry on. I make myself look like a total contradiction of my spoken words of love. Only after a few hours of dancing though, I'd decided I needed to see my girl. I had to sort my head out and talk about what we should do.
I can't be a dad. I don't want to be a dad. My lives too fucked up, it just wouldn't be fair to it or us. I mean, I'm only eighteen for fuck's sake. I'll be nineteen soon, but really, I'm not ready for the responsibility. I can barely take care of myself, never mind a kid.

"What, why? Why are you, going now? Zeal, it's still early. Please stay, just a little longer. My friends have kinda left me. So I'm kinda here on my own. I mean, if you want we could head back to my place. I have a few bottles there we could carry the night on if you'd like?"
She's moving her body against mine. I know she's up for it. I know in the past, I'd take her up on her offer, but I made my decision. I need to tell her we can't go ahead with this, we're just too young. As she asked this, she lifts her phone out of her pocket. I'm watching her through blurred eyes, watching as she sighs while shaking her head after seeing who it was.
"Sorry, Zeal, I've got to go now. It's my sister, she got called in for an emergency. So she needs me to watch my nephew, for a few hours, but if you want you could come to my place tomorrow? I'll invite a few of my friends over and you can bring yours too. You know, make it like a party or something."
She shrugs her shoulder like it's no big deal like she doesn't care I'm with Billie. Yet I can see it, she really wants me to go. I've no clue what tomorrow is going to bring, so right now, I'm keeping that option open.