Hidden Love (Tronnor fanfiction)

~35~ The river

Connor's pov

It was if my heart stopped working for a minute. My hands got sweaty. I kept sweeping them off of my pants, it didn't help at all though. My throat was extremely dry. When Troye asked me if I was okay, I couldn't answer. Not only because I wasn't okay but also because my voice seemed to be gone. I opened my mouth, but nothing came out of it. I just stood there, paralyzed. I felt everyone's eyes on me, they were staring. They probably think I'm weird. Of course they think I'm weird.

"C-an we t-ake the longer path?" I said with cracking voice and trembling hands.

"But that's more than a 10 km walk and it's already getting late." Troye said tentatively. Couldn't he just accept it? He knows how hard this is for me.

"Troye....Please." I begged with tears forming in my eyes.

"But..." Troye began saying, he was soon interrupted by Zoe though.
"Troye if Connor really wants to, then we'll take the longer path." She defended me. She doesn't even know why I don't want to take the shorter path and still she defends me. I want to thank her so much for that. To me that's what a real friend is, someone who doesn't ask questions and just defends you no matter what.

"No, my feet hurt so bad. I don't want to walk 10 km when the other path is only 1km." I just stood there in shock at what Troye had just said. Was he being serious?! Zoe looked at me with a worried expression.

"Troye..." She started.
"No, it's okay. Let's take the shorter path." I breathed out, not sure what I had just done. I would do everything for Troye, that's clear. I'm not so sure that I will do everything when I see the water though.

He stared at me with disbelief written all over his features. What is he waiting for? This is what he wants. Is he going to change his mind, when a second ago he was still complaining. I really don't know what's going on in that boy's mind. He's confusing me, a lot.

"Let's go." I said, more to make Troye move and make him stop staring then actually going to walk towards the water. He did what I hoped for, he started walking. I just followed his lead with Tyler and Zoe walking next to me.

"Is everything alright, Connor?" Zoe asked concerned.
"Yeah." I lied.
"I know you're not." She stated. Why does she need to know me so well? In the past I could always lie about my feelings to everyone, no one ever noticed it. Except for my siblings. Since I met all these other youtubers, it seems like I can hide nothing. Sometimes it even feels like they get me, that they know what I'm going through. It's so confusing because they know nothing about my past, about my sister.
They don't know how she died, except for Troye. But even he doesn't know all the things we used to do together. How close we actually were.

On her birthday, we always used to go hiking. Just like we are doing today. We loved to just walk around and discover places. Of course we got lost a few times, but we were never scared about not finding our way back. We always got back. When we found a nice spot, something like a big tree or a field full of flowers, we took our picnic stuff and ate there. That's how we spent every birthday of hers.

The year that she died, I was planning out the best hike ever. I searched the whole internet for this magical place. It was an abandoned train tunnel that was overgrown with plants. No one ever came there, it was so peaceful. Her birthday was only a few months after she died. I forgot about those plans completely if it wasn't for Brandon who brought them back up that day. He said he wanted to go there with me. So that's what we did. It was even more breathtaking than I expected it to be. Not that I was really in the mood for looking at the nature. I just sat there and cried my eyes out, blaming myself. Brandon tried to comfort me, but nothing helped. That evening was the day I went back to the sea where she died and Brandon saved me.