Being Closer to God

24 :) Anong nangyari sa akin, Thank You & Comment

First of all hindi to super serious kung babasahin ng iba ang title nitong chapter pero may serious level din po.

These past few months, mga ber months siguro ng 2014 basta end nito 2015, ay parang I felt so down, so parang black and white lang ang lahat, parang lahat ng ginagawa ko paulit-ulit.

Gigising, maliligo, kakain, punta school, makibagay sa classmates slash friends and minsan enjoying with them, uwi sa bahay, nood tv, kakain, basa konti and then tulog and then paulut-ulit lang and sa no school days parang ganun pero more or resting, learning to play the guitar, writing and reading.

Pero sa pagiging reader ko, super hindi ko lang mahanap ang right story for me, iyong you will grip unto the story. Siguro ganoon talaga ako, kapag,ma-bored sa isang bagay, hindi na hahawak. Siguro kasi din ay lahat ng makita kong story titles that interests me, add ko na agad sa library and then when I start to read it offline ay ayaw ko lang yung story and aura pero I can't remove it sa library kasi parang sa akin, it's my obligation to read it kasi I should see the best of the book not the bad side of it, to appreciate it pero it's not my I obligation and I felt tied up and super just low because I don't like the stories I clicked upon.

Siguro ganoon, minsan kapag naging reader tayo consciously, there will come a time na magiging choosy tayo sa stories natin or dapat in-mood tayo magbasa. Kasi for me, ang books ay part of the worldly pleasures pero we shouldn't be so attached to it. Look at everything through the heart, yan ang for people like me na pa-iba-iba, worryful. Yes, I was worryful ako pero ngayon, na lelessen na.

Ang worry kasi galing sa takot. Takot na hindi matanggap ng iba and other fears pero a quote that really, inspires me is "Fear no man but God." At nabasa ko iyan sa t-shirt ng isang lalakeng naglalakad noong nasa Glorietta ako with my family. And napa-smile ako doon dahil maraming seekers din ni God.

Magulo akong tao, pabago-bago ang isip pero gusto ko ay organize naman ako sagamit. Ang gulo no?

Parang in every principle or opinion ko parang tinitimbang ko and specific ako and if I believe in this side, I also believe in the other.

So enough with that muna... tungkol sa writingko naman... I feel obligated sometimes and nasa isip ko ay 'Kaya ko ba matapos ang story na to?' I'm doubting myself so I stopped Wattpad in my life literally for a time, I unistalled Wattpad and para maka-focus sa school.

Feeling ko parang hindi naman maturupad ang dream kong ma-publish ang teen fiction slash romance stories ko namely Crush ko si Sir? at Assistant ni Bamboo. And I don't know, I just think I'll write pero at the end of the dayday, sa isip ko lang iyon. Organize ako and specific kasi. Gusto ko right timing, right place and right mood when I write and ano pa pala, may notebook ako with the story's important details with a pen na madalas sa papel ko nasusulat at nawawala iyon.

Siguro, I need to let go, to let go ofsuper thinking. To laid down for a bitwhile and that's what I did.

There's a time I installed Wattpad again and then didn't like the stories and uninstalled again.

Siguro, I was finding happiness in my library's stories pero stories didn't bring me happiness. I know this pero wala eh maybe because of the fact that I love reading too. Sabi, ang formula lang to be happy is my loving. The by-product of loving is happiness. And unang naisip ko ay loving my friends and family. I tried to start love my friends in the way I know. By understanding there, being there for them pero siguro my friends and I aren't compatible or I push them away sometimes lalo na kapag bad mood ako, magiging silent lang ako. Nasa isip ko kasi ay ayaw ko madamay sila at sabi ng values teacher namin, kapag you will grieve, bring them to the Him kasi He is the best healer and sabi nga, "Come to me and I willgive you rest."

There's a time na nagkaroon ako ng ka-message sa Wattpad. Yung isa ay reader ko o napadpad lang sa account ko while yung isa ay isang writer ng isang story niya na binabasa ko and it's a story that kept me reading. It's light and easy-to-follow and I was looking for something new.

Sandali lang iyon and I can'tbe always online or text my reader friend kasi hindi ako nagpapaload, nasasayangan ako kasi wala naman akong ka textmate and I don't like texting lang talaga.

So ayun... I believe that I can't have friends in social networking kasi una I cannot seefind him or her personally and internet is a wordly thing pero siguro yung mga times na iyon, ngayong 2015 summer lang iyon eh, I felt sad and alone.

Sumali din ako sa bookclubs pero yung isang bookclub lang, na-complete kong basahin ang lahat at umalis din ako kasi hindi ko kaya at kapag magbasa ako dahan-dahan at iyon may deadline with feedbacks and nadamihan ko ang sali ko sa bookclubs and ayun, I can't really like all stories I need to read kasi ganun talaga.

So I uninstalled my Wattpad and made a deal with God in the midst of April 2015 to never use Wattpad in a year pero the day or 2 days after sabi ko ay i-update ko lang ang description ng profile ko para alam ng readers ko kung meron man.

Pero ngayong, May 2015, I installed it and made another account. Plano ko ay gagawa ako ng English stories doon and I will just choose and read all stories I would like.

Naging super bait kasi ako sa pagpili ng stories na lahat tinanggap ko pero dapat,pala ay naging mabait din ako sa sarili ko na basahin ko ang gusto ko at hindi basahin ang ayaw ko. Ganyan talaga eh.

Pero siguro nawalan ako ng passion, dahil sa desire kong maging writer na naka-publish ng librong may maraming reads and na-focus ko ang mata ko doon at hindi sa aking pagsusulat.

Takot akong maging ma-pride kaya kapa ako ay sinasabihan ng magaling, hindi ako naniniwala kahit nagpapasalamat,ako

Well, gusto ko sabihin na naging pessimist ako in those times and...

Then, sa account kong ito, iistop ko muna lahat ng stories at kapag nakarami na ako ng story parts sa isa kong account ay babalikan ko ito pero...

After 10 days.. now... binasa ko iyong Yahoo Mails ko and saw that someone commented in my GodBeliever Wattpad Account's Story- Motivational and Inspirational Quotes in Life- Feeling Down .

Na-touch ako sa comment niya. I screen capture it and shared it sa facebook and that Wattpad user is @HaningPolangi and Haning, I'm 14 years old, my birthday is in January 3. So, mas matanda ka ba o ako? :)

Salamat din.

Binasa ko itong gawa ko last year na kinommentan niya at hindi ako makapaniwala na ako rin ay na-uplift sa aking gawa, na parang inspiration story talaga and naisip ko na si God din ng may gawa nito from me pero dapat glorify Gid not people pa rin.

Nawalan ako ng push, ng hope sa aking,pagsusulat, na pangit ang pagsusulat ko at a part of me is saying na wordly ito pa rin, na baka ito plan ni Satan.

Kasi I want to be an overcomer.

An overcome is someone who overcomes anything that is against or replaces Christ.

Pero some words from brothers and sisters na nagiging liwanag ko ay...

Enjoy the Lord.

Let the Lord change you.

And naalala ko...

In the mind there are no answers, in the heart there are no questions

Please understand me, comment and message me. Thank you in advance.