Honestly, the cover is nice: it depicts the main characters, everything is simple to understand and not heavy on the eyes, but it is too simple considering the depth the story goes into. Since a cover is the reader's first insight to the book, it should show but not tell too much. In this case, it's a case of showing too little.
Something to link the characters into the storyline could be added to the cover, and the font colour of white on the portions which are white makes it difficult to read at a single glance.
⇘ Title [5/5]
It completed most of the aspects of a needed title. It was well fitting to the story. And quite easy to understand, and also captures the attention of the reader. Thus, good word with that.
⇘ Blurb [3/5]
The blurb is well-linked to the story, but there are some spelling, grammatical and punctuational errors.
Eg: and know one knew why Edit: and no one knew why
Eg: but being in that movie is risky, Edit: but being in that movie is risky.
The phrasing is slightly choppy, which lead to what I perceive as grammatical errors.
Eg: children were disappearing day by day, no one knew who was doing that. Suggested edit: children were disappearing day after day, and no one knew who, how or why.
✗ 𝐈𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐩𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 [8/10]
Right off the bat, I was drawn into the story. The first chapter details the actions of a mad scientist, the foundation he works for, his delusional mind seeking for a goal that had to result in the deaths of so many children. There are issues within this chapter, but I will cover those in the respective sections.
✗ 𝐏𝐥𝐨𝐭 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐈𝐝𝐞𝐚 [8/20]
I was very lost while reading this story. After reading the disclaimer and realising this story was based on a k-drama, I'm hoping the plot makes sense to someone who had watched aforementioned drama. The idea is good, though it is based on an already known plot.
No names are mentioned in the story. Although this does add to the unknown aspect of the idea, it causes the reader to be slightly confused at times.
✗ 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐄𝐦𝐨𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 [7/15]
There are three main characters in this story: the mad scientist, the mind hacker and the child.
The emotions of all three characters are not that elaborated on, though their actions do say a lot about their feelings.
In my opinion, I feel the mad scientist is crazy, driven by a goal he feels is within his reach, that he will make any necessary sacrifices for it. Probably motivated, hopeful, hungry for success.
The mind hacker is also power hungry, but in a sadistic manner. By controlling people, he causes them to hurt themselves, which in turn gives him pleasure.
The child, who is an experiment subject, displays indifference, but houses a seething rage inside. This is the one emotion that was explicitly stated: furiousity.
✗ 𝐖𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐒𝐭𝐲𝐥𝐞 [6/15]
There are three point of views within the story: one from the mad scientist, one from the mind hacker and I believe the third from the child.
Breaking it down, the first and third chapter are written in the mad scientist's pov, the second is in the hacker's perspective and the fourth and fifth are from the child. The sixth chapter contains both the povs of the scientist and the child.
The writing is simplistic and easy to understand, which helps, but the plot line has too many stray paths that it makes it difficult to comprehend what is actually happening.
✗ 𝐆𝐫𝐚𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫 [6/20]
Similar to the blurb, the grammar in the story itself is also choppy at times.
I will use the first chapter as an example to point out areas for editing.
Laying unconscious, the kids that were escorted from the Foundation, - "Lying" not "Laying" - "the kids were" not "the kids that were" - End with a full stop not a comma
The Foundation everyone knew about and never suspected since everyone was in reality the part of everything that was happening... - Run-on sentence - Add commas to pace the reading
Edited: The Foundation everyone knew about and never suspected since in reality, everyone was part of everything that was happening.
The Experiments that were happening to the children, "experiments" not "Experiments" - End with full stop not comma
Slowly by the time the children were disappearing one by one, the result of the experiments failing. - Add a comma after slowly - Remove "by the time" Suggestion: as a result of the failing experiments instead of the result of experiments failing.
While He looked over the children calmly laying, he prepared his injection with the perfect amount of Formula for injecting them, - "lying" not "laying" - Suggestion: "calmly lying children" instead of "children calmly lying" - End with a full stop not comma
It was the only thing that He had, that made him stronger but after all the experiments were failing, he frowned at how the test tube in which He kept the formula was empty, - edited: It was the only thing that He had that made him stronger, but after all the failed experiments, he was left frowning at the empty Formula test tube.
![❝ ─── 𝐏𝐑𝐄𝐃𝐀𝐓𝐎𝐑 • 𝐑𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐞𝐰 𝐃𝐞𝐧 ⸝⸝ [CLOSED]](https://img.wattpad.com/cover/308223430-64-k709716.jpg)