Isn't it amazing how the sky has a tendency to mirror your emotions? The world outside my bedroom window had gone grey, thunderous clouds rolling in, threatening to drop unrelenting rain just like the clouds in my eyes. The thunder rumbled, shaking the earth and signaling the beginning of a storm, something like the one that was brewing inside of me at this very moment. And the winds that whipped the trees back and forth reminded me of the words that I had just read, and how they shook me to my core.
Normally, I wouldn't be one to pay any mind to the nonsense people put on social media; I had always taken the role of being the person that told others not to worry about it. As it turns out, however, I had a hard time taking my own advice, and I could feel my heart shattering in my chest with every word I read.
Part of me knew this would happen eventually. Ever since Devin had gone to the University of Kentucky, he had gained the attention if practically every female in the state. Girls followed him shamelessly, proclaiming their love for him whenever they could: on Twitter, on Instagram, in person, through licking his car. I know they were upset when he told them about me and our relationship. I just didn't think it would turn into this.
Tweet after tweet, comment after comment, message after message. It was relentless. It seemed as though their only way to find joy on a daily basis was to make me feel miserable. It was always the same thing: I'm too ugly, I'm too stupid, I'm not worthy of Devin, our relationship probably isn't gonna last because we live 500 miles away from each other, he's probably cheating on me right now with some girl who's 1000 times better that me. It was terrible, and as much as I tried to tell myself that they didn't know me and to let it go, it still cut deep.
As the rain poured down outside, tears streaked my face as I contemplated what to do. Ignore it? Just for more to come my way tomorrow? No. Tell Devin? No, I couldn't do that. He was in the middle of a season; I couldn't call him and stress him out even more than he already was. Maybe tell them to stop myself? No, that would probably generate more hate, and I definitely didn't want that. So what to do? The more I sat and thought about it, a single thought crossed my mind over and over. I didn't want to do it because I loved Devin, but my sensitive heart was taking shots everyday and I couldn't take it anymore. That was it, then. That's what I had to do.
I wiped my eyes and reached for my cell phone off my bedside table. I quickly scrolled though my contacts and finally found Devin: BooBoo . The tears resurfaced at the sight of his contact name. I found myself debating again. Was I sure I wanted to do this? I loved Devin with all my heart; he was my best friend and the best thing that had ever happened to me. But the amount of pain being in this relationship had caused me was unbearable. As much as I knew that I was gonna regret this, I had to do what I had to do.
I pressed the call button and pressed the phone to my ear. While it rang, part of me hoped he wouldn't pick up. I wasn't 100% sure I wanted to do this, but once the phone stopped ringing and his voice came through, I knew I couldn't turn back.
"Hey," I replied to his greeting. "Are you busy?" I bit my lip.
"No, why? What's up?" He sounded so relaxed. He had no idea what was about to happen. "Can-can we talk?" I asked softly, tears finding their way down my cheeks.
Devin must have sensed that something was wrong with me. I heard a change is his voice as he spoke. "Yeah. Of course. What's the matter?" His tone was soft and full of worry. It was then that I realized that I hadn't prepared anything to say. I shut my eyes tight, praying to God that I was able to get through this.
I took a deep breath to get myself back under control. "Devin, look, I-" I took another breath, "Devin...you know I love you, right?"
"Yeah. I love you, too." He was hesitant when he spoke. I could tell he knew something was wrong. "What's wrong?"
"I-I think we need to b-break up," I looked down at the bed underneath me and watched as tears fell from my face like raindrops. There; I had said it.
There was a pause on Devin's end. "W-what? Why? W-what happened?" He was so confused, so lost for words. I had caught him completely off guard, and now guilt was flowing through me.
"Devin, I just-I can't. I feel like everyone in the world is just attacking me right now, and I can't do it anymore," I cried to him, shaking my head.
"Why won't you listen to me when I tell you to ignore them, when I tell you that you are the most beautiful person I've ever met in my life?" He pleaded with me. I could hear the tears in his voice and it hurt me. I had never intended to hurt Devin, but I had to get out. I couldn't survive the constant bullying anymore.
"'Cause you're the only one who says it, Devin."
"Shouldn't I be the only one who matters?" I knew he was right, but I couldn't respond. I was gone before I picked up the phone. And he knew that. "So, that's it. You're just gonna give up on me. On us? Four years, and you're just gonna leave it?"
I didn't know what to say to him, so I whispered, "I'm sorry." He let out a deep sigh before the phone was quiet. Neither of us knew what to say, both of us in the most pain we'd probably ever feel. There wasn't anything left to say. Four years, gone. Done. And it was all my fault.
"Devin." I called out to him. "Devin, I'm sorry. I love you and I always will, but I just couldn't. I'm so so sorry." Instead of whispering about him forgiving me because I knew he wouldn't, and suggesting that we'd always be friends because I knew we never could, I just hung up and tossed my phone aside.
I laid down on my bed curled up into a ball, thinking through what I just did. It would probably come to be the worst mistake I had ever made, but it was done now and their was no turning back.
I scanned the items on my bedside table and stopped once my eyes reached the photo of Devin and I that sat next to my bed. It was a picture of Devin smiling down at me while I covered my mouth with my hand, a weak attempt to hide the huge blush and Kool-Aid smile that covered my face. I remembered the night perfectly; it was the day that Devin had committed to Kentucky. His parents held a small celebration party for him, and he had been flirting with me the entire day. I smiled at the memory, then I remembered that that would probably never happen again. Next thing I knew I was sobbing loudly on my bed, my heart shattering again for an entirely different reason this time. And I was right. It was the single greatest regret I ever had, and it took all of 90 seconds to hit me.
The sky outside had grown darker, the sky taking on a dim grey color. This was the first time in a long time it looked this bad. Yeah, this was definitely the darkest day.
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So, this is my first published work on Wattpad. Yay! I'm really excited, but I'm nervous at the same time, so tell me what you think. Was it good, was it bad, where I could improve. Any feedback is appreciated.
Thank you for reading, and I hope you really like it! God bless.
