Over The Bridge

🧷 VII

Beomgyu didn't know what to say or do. Never in his life had he thought his best friend of 15 years would say that he likes him. He noticed the way Yeonjun reacted to his silence and he felt awful. Beomgyu knew Yeonjun too well. When he was like this, Beomgyu knew how much Yeonjun regretted saying something and he noticed how he grabbed onto his left sleeve with his right hand. 'Fuck.' Beomgyu thought as he saw Yeonjun do that. He didn't want to be part of the reason Yeonjun cut, he then wondered how many times Yeonjun has hurt himself for liking him.

"Junnie, I'm so sorry. I hate hurting you. I hate being the reason you hurt yourself. I would tell you I have no interest in relationships but you already know that. Junnie, please don't let this change anything because I know how you are and you worry me. I deeply care about you and this hurts me to tell you we just can't be together." Beomgyu said as he was finally able to form a response.

Beomgyu got no reply from Yeonjun and knew that was bad. He saw Yeonjun slow down and eventually stop and he sat down on his board again on the sidewalk.

"I'm just a fucking idiot for loving you." Yeonjun's voice cracked ever so slightly and that hurt Beomgyu even more, knowing how much he hurt Yeonjun and knowing Yeonjun wouldn't accept his comfort because it would make him even more hurt and confused.

Beomgyu really had no clue what to say and he knew he couldn't leave Yeonjun alone, especially by the Han River. "This was just a bad idea, why don't we go back," Beomgyu suggested just so he would be able to leave Yeonjun alone back at the house.

"Alright. Let's go." Yeonjun said without a single hint of emotion in his voice, which surprised Beomgyu. When he stood up again, Beomgyu saw him wipe his smeared makeup off since it ran from him crying and acted like nothing happened.

Yeonjun just started walking back looking at the ground the entire time and grabbing at his sleeve. Beomgyu walked behind him, and he kept telling himself 'just in case..'

They didn't speak for the entire way back and Yeonjun didn't even look at Beomgyu. When they came in the house, Beomgyu's mom could instantly tell something was off. Yeonjun went into 'his' room while Beomgyu decided to explain what happened minus some details.

Beomgyu's mom was honestly not very surprised. She could tell that Yeonjun liked Beomgyu and she knew something like this would happen eventually.

...

Yeonjun had locked the door and he decided to change since he had no point in wearing what he was anymore. He put on sweatpants and a hoodie and he was looking in the floorboards for where he had a blade hidden. He knew Beomgyu would search the room when he left so he had to get smart and hide them.

Once he popped the floorboard up, it was in the small bag like he had left it along with toilet paper to soak up the blood if it was necessary. It was also a simple blade, just from a razor he had taken apart. He sat on the floor right by the hole in the floor and pulled his sleeve down.

All the pain he felt, it was all being taken out on his arm, he was thinking about going to his legs if he couldn't cut on his arm anymore. He only cut on the underside of his arm and which side would face him the most. He eventually moved to his leg so he only pulled one side down so he could cut his legs.

He wasn't sure how long he was sitting on the ground cutting but no matter how much he did it and felt relief it was only for a second before he felt regret and cut more. He wasn't even crying. He wasn't able too, he just did it, feeling so depressed.

He thought about Beomgyu's words and how he hated being part of the reason Yeonjun would cut. Yeonjun felt so bad and he decided to try and stop but he told himself he would just switch what he's doing. He just put the blade away and covered the hole in the floor back up before he stood up and made sure he looked fine.

When he stood he felt blood run down his leg. He had forgotten to take his makeup off earlier so he did that before he pulled the hood up on his hoodie and was going to leave to get a drink. He unlocked his door and was greeted with Beomgyu standing in front of the door.

"Junnie, can I see your arms?" Beomgyu asked softly.

Yeonjun looked down and stretched his arms out. Beomgyu pulled one sleeve up and inspected his arm before pulling it back down. He pulled up the other one and his expression immediately changed when he saw all the new cuts. He pulled his sleeve back down.

"I'm sorry I hurt you..."

"I don't think a sorry will make all my scars and new cuts just go away," Yeonjun said as he walked past Beomgyu and into the kitchen. He grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and he turned around when he heard Beomgyu's mom.

"Are you hungry?" She asked.

"No," Yeonjun said as he closed the fridge and was about to go back to his room.

"Alright, I did make Bibimbap if you want any, it's in the fridge." She said and smiled.

Yeonjun forced a smile as he walked back to his room. Beomgyu was organizing his things since he noticed how unorganized everything was. "You're not gonna eat are you?" Beomgyu asked as he turned around to look at Yeonjun.

"I'll eat later, just not now,"

"Your laters always turn into not doing it at all,"

"I'll eat when I need to eat,"

Beomgyu sighed and he sat down on Yeonjun's bed. "Are you done having an episode? Because I'd like to spend time with you, without getting reminded of... things,"

"I guess,"

"Wanna play Minecraft?"

"Why not," Yeonjun sat down next to Beomgyu and picked up his phone.

They both got on minecraft and started a survival world. As a joke, they spawned on a cliff and Yeonjun jumped off it. Beomgyu lightly smacked Yeonjun on the shoulder.

"At least I'm not actually doing it," Yeonjun rolled his eyes as he respawned.