Over The Bridge

🧷 IX

Beomgyu did end up falling back asleep and when he woke again, Yeonjun wasn't next to him anymore. Beomgyu sat up and figured Yeonjun must have either gone to the kitchen or to the bathroom because the door was open. He sees Yeonjun's phone laying on his desk so he doesn't worry too much. Beomgyu picked up his phone again to check the time. It was only 9:27. He decided to get up and he went down into the kitchen where Yeonjun was, talking to his mom.

"Morning Gyu," Yeonjun said as his attention turned to Beomgyu when he came in the kitchen.

"Good morning," his mom said as she turned to him with a smile.

"Morning," Beomgyu said in response as he was still half asleep.

Beomgyu wasn't going to say anything about his nightmare since he had a pretty good idea of how Yeonjun would react. He knew Yeonjun would hate himself more because it was all he wanted to do but he knew it would break Beomgyu. Yeonjun hated seeing Beomgyu upset even at the smallest things. Beomgyu decided it was for the best as well since of how much Yeonjun wanted to do it and the countless times Beomgyu has talked him out of it.

"Are you hungry?"

"Not really, I'll eat later."

Yeonjun looked at him with a look that said 'you sound like me' and Beomgyu couldn't help but give him a look back that said 'I know'.

Beomgyu turned to the fridge and he got himself a bottle of water. "I have a video to record so if you need me for something at least make it important," he turned back around and looked directly at Yeonjun. "I'm talking to you Junnie,"

Yeonjun just rolled his eyes at Beomgyu before he left and he continued talking to Beomgyu's mom. Plus Beomgyu didn't care what they were talking about since it wasn't any of his business.

Once Beomgyu's mom heard her son's door close she continued talking to Yeonjun. "If you really hate being at your house you can come over whenever you need too, even if something happens between you and Beomgyu you can still come over since this is your safe place,"

"Thank you. You know how things are at 'home' and why I hate being there. I've always thought of here being a second home to me. I'm actually able to be genuinely happy here. The only thing here that can really not make me happy here is my own mind,"

"Oh by the way your mom texted me and asked me how long you're staying, I haven't answered her yet because I wanted to ask you,"

"Probably until I feel like my dad has forgotten my outburst or until mom starts to feel lost without me around,"

"Has your mom told you she's trying to get your father arrested?"

"Yeah, she asked me if I still have that video of me dancing then he just comes in my room and beats me for being 'too loud'."

"Is that why you don't do live streams?"

"Yeah, I want too but I'm worried if I do they'll see something they're not supposed to and it will just cause drama,"

"I mean you always could do them here,"

"Then there would be another issue, I would probably be expected to do a live stream on a schedule, and I can barely keep up with my videos,"

"If you're being stressed I would say maybe not,"

"It's probably better I just stick to 2 videos a week,"

"Sorry to change the subject again, but could I see your arms?"

Yeonjun was hesitant at first but he showed her the arm that wasn't cut first and then he showed her his other arm. "I'm sorry. I really try not to," Yeonjun looked down in embarrassment.

"You don't need to apologize, I know how hard it is to stop once you start," Beomgyu's mom said simpathetically. "Why don't I clean that so it won't get infected?"

Yeonjun just nodded and noticed how it hasnt scabbed over yet and it was just dried blood over it and some of it dried on his skin around or in drips.

Beomgyu's mom got the first aid kit from under the sink in the kitchen and sat next to Yeonjun. She took hydrogen peroxide just to clean around it and Yeonjun couldnt help but whince as a bit of it went in his cuts. She then carefully cleaned up the blood from his cuts which dried over it and she then wrapped his arm in a bandage just to keep stuff from getting in his cuts. She noticed the ones from 2 days ago and those have scabbed over already and she noticed how those ones were in perfectly straight lines and not just slashes everywhere like the newer ones. She didn't comment on it though.

"Do I need to take you to therapy or something?"

"No, it's alright. I mean all that really matters is I'm still alive... no matter how many times I've tried..." Yeonjun said that last part was a lot quieter, more to himself than anybody else.

"Yeah, as long as you're still here," She said as she got up to put the first aid kit away and Yeonjun pulled his sleeve back down. She did hear what Yeonjun said but decided not to acknowledge it.

...

The day went on as usual and Yeonjun was able to find that video and he sent it to his mom. Yeonjun was mainly in his room, trying to do everything he could do to keep himself busy so he wouldn't cut.

Beomgyu recorded and edited a video just for it to be released tomorrow. Afterwards, he went into Yeonjun's room to see what he was doing and found him napping. This was a normal sight, Yeonjun depression napping. He saw Yeonjun was hugging one of the pillows on his bed as he was sleeping. Beomgyu knew how he was and decided to lay down with him.

Beomgyu had became a master at this and when he finally got comfortable he felt Yeonjun pull himself into his arms and get comfortable once again.

Beomgyu started to think of the nightmare that had woke him up last night. He was absolutely terrified that he would wake up from another nightmare and actually realize Yeonjun isn't there anymore. Beomgyu had noticed a faint red handprint across his neck but decided not to question it.

...

"Junnie! Put the gun down! Please!" Beomgyu pleaded as he didn't dare to step closer to Yeonjun in case he did do it when he got closer.

"Why!?" Yeonjun asked as he looked Beomgyu right in the eyes through his tear-clouded eyes.

Beomgyu knew it wasn't right to say it but he did. "Imagine if your mom was here right now?! You know how you asked me how I would be without you? How would Taehyun feel? And how would Arin feel.?"

"Don't bring her up!" Yeonjun shouted as he continued to look at Beomgyu and he could tell Beomgyu was crying too, the sound of his voice and he had tear streaks on his face.

"Junnie, please, just give me the gun, please," Beomgyu pleaded as he continued to cry.

Beomgyu's mom was out shopping, and Yeonjun had taken her handgun and now they were in the garage.

Yeonjun ignored his pleading.

Beomgyu's ears were ringing and he covered his face. It all happened so fast... He didn't want to look but he did. Blood was everywhere and it was even on him.

...

Beomgyu didn't know where these visions were coming from but he had a feeling one of them was going to actually happen. He's seen these before, it seemed to happen every time he was around Yeonjun, considering he knew how much pain Yeonjun has been in. He really wanted to tell Yeonjun about this but he didn't know if it would trigger something.

As Beomgyu lay there next to Yeonjun, he let his mind wander really about how he must have hurt Yeonjun yesterday. I mean Yeonjun didn't look at him or talk to him at all afterwards. When they got back he didn't even acknowledge his mom and went straight to 'his' room. Then he found all the cuts on his arms and knew there was more somewhere else.

Yeonjun was still sound asleep and Beomgyu wasn't sure what to do now. He wasn't tired or anything, but he also wanted to do something that wouldn't wake Yeonjun up.

Beomgyu picked up his phone and turned the volume down before getting onto Minecraft and building something for Yeonjun in their survival world. It kept him busy.