Over The Bridge

🧷 XIV

His mom must have been in the most disbelief. He said he would talk to her if he wanted to kill himself, but he didn't. She felt bad because if she was at home, he would still be alive. After Arin died, she was completely lost, but Yeonjun was there to comfort her even though he was hurting. But now with Yeonjun gone too, nobody could even begin to imagine the pain she's in unless you are a parent and have lost both your kids to suicide. She wanted to believe he was still alive so badly. She wanted to believe that on the news it wasn't Yeonjun but somebody else. She wanted to believe he changed his mind and turned around and was going back home, but he never came back.

She couldn't bring herself to even go into Yeonjun's room, it was hard enough for her to walk by Arin's room but now with Yeonjun gone, she didn't want to go near his room, let alone go in. So, she closed the door and tried to stay away from his room. She wished she had made more of an effort to talk to Yeonjun. She wished she made more of an effort to show she really cared. She wished she made more of an effort to get him help. She wished she had seen the signs with him and Arin earlier. She felt like a horrible parent, she couldn't even keep both her kids alive. They both died in the same way, same age, and at the same time. 5:53 PM. She knew Yeonjun chose that time on purpose because of Arin.

Beomgyu, he felt so bad because Yeonjun said he tried to get him help, tried to convince him to, but gave up after so long, and just tried to keep him happy. Soobin, he felt so bad because he felt like Yeonjun was blaming him for this, even though Yeonjun specified many times that he did nothing wrong. Taehyun, he really loved Yeonjun, knowing that Yeonjun basically used him and broke their promise and he hurt so much. Taehyun was trying to not go down the same path Yeonjun did after Arin did, it's harder than you would think. He watched Yeonjun fight so hard to not end up like Arin, but giving up in the end. He had heard Yeonjun cry to him over the phone, meanwhile bringing the blade to his arm.

The pressure you get from that. It's not nice. It hurts to see somebody you care about in that state, it hurts to know they're depending on you to live on. That alone adds so much stress to one person, nobody would know unless you've been there yourself.

Back to Taehyun, he was really trying to not let himself go down the path Yeonjun tried not to go down. He seemed the most depressed out of almost everybody. Taehyun remembered a teacher talking about suicide one day and didn't care that Yeonjun had reacted differently than what he normally would have. He seemed happy. Taehyun was the only one to realize it, too late. Well he always seemed happy when he wasn't alone. He was good at hiding it. But Taehyun was now thinking it was forced, well it was.

..flashback..

They all wondered why he was in such a good mood today. He's even more cheerful than usual.

"You're in a good mood today," Taehyun said, as Yeonjun walked up to him.

"I had monster mixed with vodka this morning and my water bottle is full of it, plus my leg is cut to shreds but it feels great," Yeonjun said, sounding happier about it than he should have.

"God Junnie, what am I gonna do with you?" Taehyun asked, putting his arm around the older man's shoulders.

"Nothing, as long as I have a monster, vodka, and a blade I'll be fine," He smiled, and it seemed genuine.

"What if I just took your blade?"

"Noooo~Tae~ I like the way it feels don't take ittt~"

"But you could seriously hurt yourself,"

"Isn't that the point?"

Taehyun sighed and didn't know what else to say.

"But why would you take away something that makes me feel like everything is alright again?"

"You could really hurt yourself and end up with unwanted scars."

"I'm not gonna hurt myself THAT badly, besides I can control how much it hurts so I'm fine."

"That's what scares me, you control how much you hurt yourself."

"I've only cut so deep to the point it didn't stop bleeding for 2 minutes,"

"And knowing you, you proceeded to make the cut deeper didn't you?"

"Maybe"

Taehyun sighed again.

"You worry me,"

"Then don't worry about me,"

"It's not that simple Junnie,"

"I wish it was,"

"Of course you do,"

"Anyway," he smiled, "What have you been up to?"

...end of flashback...