Do you ever see someone living your dream and hate them with every fiber of your being? Well, that's me right now and all I want to do is scream and cry but instead I must put on a smile and help however I can because that's my job. Let me set the scene for you
I have my own baking business in the small town of Shimmerdale, also the smallest town in the country. I moved here after my parents died because all I got from people in my hometown was pity looks and apologies, I was sick of it, so I sold my house, quit my job, and moved halfway across the country to get away from it all.
I'm now sat down with my client who's getting married to the love of his life, they're such a perfect couple, so in love it makes everyone around them nauseous. I have the amazing honor of making their wedding cake, it's a huge opportunity to get my name out there and get more clients for the business but also to be a part of something so beautiful. Then there's that part of me that wants what they have but knowing that I'll probably never get it.
I'm never anyone's first choice. I'm the friend who walks behind the group because there's not enough space, I'm the one who never gets invited to group activities and if I do then it's very last minute, I'm the one who makes sure no one is left out but gets left out. I'm the one who's always last for everything but wanting and praying to be the person someone can't live without. But I'm not and I won't ever be, and I just have to accept that.
I wave goodbye to the happy couple and wish them a wonderful day before going into my kitchen and planning my week. I order what I need, finish off my orders for clients then waiting for them to be picked up. I count down the hours until I can go home, crawl into my bed and cry, and pray that tomorrow will be different than today but also knowing that it won't be, and I'll do what I do best and be what people need.
After my last order of the day is picked up, I grab my things, lock up and leave. I stop by the noodle shop on my way home and order my favourite comfort food, chicken teriyaki noodles. I walk into my single bedroom unit and place everything on the counter. I look around, I heave a heavy sigh as I make my way to my bed, even the smell of my food isn't helping. I get undressed and pull one of my dads old t-shirts over my head, hoping that maybe it'll still smell like him, but it doesn't.
The tears come rushing out and I don't even try to stop them, I think about everything my parents will miss and about the times where I really needed them because they were home for me. We could've been anywhere in the world but as long as I had my parents, I was home. After a while the tears are all dried up and I'm staring blankly at the wall, hoping that this is just a bad dream and my mum will walk in with a bowl of her homemade vegetable soup with a few slices of my dad's best bread recipe but the longer I wait, the more that heavy sadness settles in me. They're not here and they're never coming back, I am alone.
I'm not sure what time I force myself out of bed to eat but it's dark. As I sit and eat my cold dinner, I can hear a group of friends laughing together as they walk by, they sound like they're having fun. At this point I'm almost forcing myself to eat because I know I need to eat but it all just tastes dull, and I get to the point where I can't do it anymore.
I decide that I'll go for a walk and hope it does something for me. I head towards the park so I can go see the ducks swimming around in the lake. When I get there, I see them all floating around, some are having a sleep and others are making their way to the shore first. I see raindrops hitting the water and stand there mesmerized. The more the rain falls the more I just stand and stare at it because it's something so simple yet so beautiful, and no one seems to appreciate it so I will.
I continue my walk, not caring that I'm now soaked to the bone. I find the basketball court and I find myself needing a small rest, so I go lay down on the court and just allow myself to get lost in the feeling of the rain hitting me and the sound of it hitting the ground. I feel like the rain is washing all my worries, my anger, my sadness, my hate away and I'm left feeling like I'm floating.
Eventually the rain stops and so I get up, feeling refreshed and calm, as I make my way home. I strip off as soon as I get inside and head for the bathroom to have a warm shower before bed. As I climb into bed, I thank the universe for allowing me to experience the rain washing everything away from me and giving me a clean slate to begin tomorrow with.
~*~
Waking up the following morning I see everything with a new perspective, and I feel so refreshed. I start my day by making a vanilla iced coffee and having some toasted parmesan bagels with butter. I check my phone and see a few reminders that I have a few orders being picked up before noon today, so I grab my things and head over to the bakery.
Once I have all the lights turned on and the computer up and running, I turn my sign to open and head into the kitchen to finish of the orders, I have most of them finished but there's just a couple cakes that need some finishing touches and one dozen cupcakes that need to be iced. I make up a buttercream frosting and pipe it on to the cupcakes, as I finish those up, I hear the buzzer from front desk go off, so I pop them into the chiller before heading out,
"Hi, welcome to Piece of Cake, how can I help?" I see the most gorgeous woman standing in front of me, my brain goes blank, and my words dry up. She has a pixie cut hairstyle, I see some tattoos on one of her hands, and she's wearing a tailored navy suit,
"Hey, I was wanting to get a cake made for my mum. It's her sixtieth birthday in a couple weeks and want to surprise her" a few seconds go by, and my brain boots up again, I feel my cheeks flush in embarrassment,
"Sorry about that, let me check the calendar before we continue, what date were you wanting it for?" she bites her lip to keep from smiling and I swear my legs almost buckle and have to use the desk the hold myself up while trying to make it look like I'm unaffected. I search through my calendar and see I have space for one more booking, I thank the universe for this gift! "You're in luck! I have one space left for a booking. What kind of cake were you wanting?" I bring my cake planner and sample folder with me as I lead us to the table and chairs in the store front. I get a whiff of her perfume and find myself swooning over her all over again.
After a good half hour of discussing the cake and delivery she writes down her contact details on the new client form and I wish her a good day hating the fact that she's leaving but feeling stupid for feeling this way about someone I've just met. Reminds me of Elsa, "You can't marry a man you just met" and I have to supress my laugh and instead just stand there with the stupidest look on my face, you know the one where someone tries to stop themselves from laughing because it's an inappropriate time or it's dead quiet. That's exactly what I'm doing in front of this Goddess of a woman, I want to slap myself. She leaves chuckling to herself, and I want to crawl inside of the ten-foot hole and die!
I head back to the kitchen to recover from my embarrassment and load her cake order into the system. I see a sticky note on her details page and skim my eyes over it, she said she needed it cause she made a mistake on the form, but she just wrote for me to...to TEXT HER! I jump up and down on the spot and freak out for a little while. I want to scream at the top of my lungs! I'm so happy!
After my excitement dies down a little bit, I then stand there overthinking what the hell I was gonna message her. Do I send her a joke or a pickup line? Do I just say 'hi'? What do I do! I then, in a moment of idiocy, send her the stupidest joke ever and as soon as I hit send, I regret my decision immediately.
I just sent the worst joke ever! To the most gorgeous woman ever! Why am I like this?! I stare at the message, and it engraves itself in my brain forever. THIS IS WHY I CAN'T HAVE NICE !
I try to push it aside and continue with orders, but I find myself checking to see if she's messaged back even though my watch will buzz cause it's connected to my phone. I pry myself away from my phone and manage to finish my last order just as a customer comes in.
