Kick It Up A Notch - Starkid

Missing You

I'm starting to feel at home here.
In a strange way, full of comfort but I hate it because everyday I'm distracted with them is another day I'm not getting money and saving Will.
Today Joey said he has a surprise for me, I'm not letting myself be exited because if I get excited I might wind up wanting to stay and that... that would not be good.
I get dressed in a dress and cardigan and pull on some leggings underneath to cover up the words on my legs.
I leave the room Joey sacrificed for me, I told him that he should take the bed but he won't take that as an answer, his friends all have their own rooms along the corridor so at least I'm only taking his bed and not his friend's.
'Hi, so what's today?'
'We're exploring London and then tonight, we're going out.' Going out means alcohol. Alcohol mess lowered inhibitions.
I do not want anymore problems on my plate. I cannot deal with unwanted pregnancy on top of a little brother.
'Don't look so startled, it's just some drinks at a local club. I'll be there and so will Meredith.' He tries to reassure me but it's not working. A few drinks can easily be drugged.
'I... That sounds lovely.' Remain calm, I soothe my head, just remain alert.
'Good.' he smiles a beautiful lopsided smile, a goofy grin that makes me warm inside that I made it.

We go to Camden market and he buys us some overpriced fish and chips and we eat standing up, as we talk I notice somebody behind him.
Too close.
I shove him out of the way and grab the girls hand.
'Get off me you psycho!' She wrenches her hand away and bolts, I start to run after her but I'm yanked back by Joey,
'Don't. I've got my wallet, you stopped her getting it and I'm grateful but leave her.'
I'm still angry but the look in his eyes says he won't let go of me until I'm calm again so I breathe and calm myself down but not too quickly, his hand on my arm, I can kind of pretend we're together.
No.
Don't let yourself get close.
We finish our chips and throw the wrappers. We find a vintage clothing stand and I find an old military style coat in my size and he buys it for me. I only tried it on to see how it looked, he must have thought I was begging him to buy it for me.
Why am I so stupid?
Why did I let him buy me this?
I owe him now.
The clothes I could pretend were charity but this... is exactly what I didn't want.
'Now back to the hotel, you have a party to attend,' he carries my bags on the tube and holds the doors open and I'm beginning to feel like this is a date. When we enter the room I look him in the eye and ask, 'what is today? Was it...?'
His face turns bright red and that's all the answer I need.
I nod and walk into the bathroom.
Crud.
This is why I should have just left.
This is why I don't let people get close.
This is why I don't...