Spencer Reid x Reader | "It was never supposed to end this way.."

"It was never supposed to end this way."

"We are gathered here today to honor Y/N and remembe-" The words faded out like a dead memory to Spencer, soon, all he could feel was the wet rain drops dripping down his face, other than that, he felt utterly numb.

What did he do wrong? Over and over, for the past 2 days, he's been recounting every moment he spent on the case, even with you, trying to figure out what he missed. He was a genius with an IQ of 187 for gods sake, and even that couldn't save you?

It's all my fault, Spencer thought. He hasn't even got one bit of decent sleep and the thought of it scared him because he was afraid if all he could see was your corpse when he closed is eyes. or worse.

"Reid." A voice called out.

"Reid!" Spencer flinched, he looked beside him to see Morgan with a sour face, concerned to see Spencer rather more flushed than usual.

"You need me to do anything, man?" Derek offered.

"No, I'm okay." Spencer mumbled, turning back to the sight of your coffin and the priest reading his transcript.

As soon as the funeral was over, Spencer layed his hand on your coffin, soon following with a tear from his cheek dripping down on the surface of it.

JJ came up and stood right next to Spencer, even herself about to cry seeing Spencer in such a devastating state.

"Come on." She hugged him and took his hand and brought him to the car. For the next 2 & 1/2 hours of the car ride, all Spencer could think about was you.
As soon as JJ parked in front of the derelict flat, JJ opened the door for him.

"Come on." She nodded. Spencer got out, half asleep, sulking his way into the building. All he wanted to do was sleep. But he was scared.
They arrived at his door, "Spence, look at me. If there is anything you need.. We're all here for you." She hugged him and the hug almost brung comfort for Spencer.

"Thank you." he put on a fake smile but even JJ knew it wasn't real.

As soon as he got in he dropped his bag, a photo flying out of it.

It was a photo of Spencer and Y/N. A year before, Spencer and you got engaged and Penelope was there to take the beutiful picture of you two in your elegant attire.
Spencer admired the photo, even himself smiling to see your beautiful, glowing smile. He always said your smile could make anyone's day brighter.

But with a blink of an eye it faded from a smile to tears, Spencer plopped on the bed hugging the photo like a child with a teddy bear.
He was so exhausted. The last two days all he has been doing is crying, and all he wanted to do was sleep. But he couldn't.
Soon, with the tick of the clock nearby him being the only thing he could focus on, he started to slowly drift off, not even realizing he was falling asleep, not even getting the chance to say,

"I'm falling asleep. I'm falling asleep. I'm falling asleep."

Then, he heard you.

"Spencer." He couldn't tell who it was.

"Hey, Spence." He looked behind himself, to see you. You looked stunning, with the sun shining on your beautiful {hair color} hair. So beautiful, it made him smile.

"Y/N?" He smiled, "Is that you?"

"It's me." You smiled back, making you happy to see the sight of Spencer's smile.

Suddenly, his smile went to a frown, "I.."

"What?" You tipped your head in confusion.

"This isn't real." He started to cry a little.

"Hey, look at me." You cupped his cheek, "Don't cry. I know it hurts." You hugged him, and you could feel the wet drop of his tears.

"I love you, Spencer Reid. Don't you ever forget that."

"I'm sorry I couldn't save you."

"Nonsense," You reached out, staring into his brown eyes, "you did the best you could. What happened to me was just an unfortunate tragedy." You assured him.

He nodded. A part of him wanted to reject that, but the other part of him who was so goddamn done with the pain would take anything to relieve the pain, and hearing that made him feel painless.

But only for a second.

Spencer looked at you, eyes filled with water, and kissed you. The kiss was light, but long. His lips against yours felt like magic. You could feel the tears running down his cheek on yours, only to wipe them away.

"Goodbye, Spencer." You started to fade away, and it made Spencer scared, even more so sad, because he didn't want to let go of you.

"Wait.. Y/N!" He yelled, just to wake up to himself back in his bed, tears covering his face, still hugging the photo.
Looking at the photo no longer made him happy, but devestated, knowing he'd never see you again.

Hold you again.

Kiss you again.

The only thing that could put Spencer to sleep was the exhaustion of excessively crying. The pain of losing you was just too much.

Only if he had did better, only if he wasn't distracted that day, he could've saved you. You two were supposed to get married, supposed to have kids, supposed to grow old together and share many more memories.

But it was never supposed to end this way.