Toxic Love - the beginning of the end Part | LH FF (Part 2/English version)

T W E N T Y F I V E

In the last seventy-two hours, about every conversation with my father has ended in a quarrel. And that's exactly why I decided not to talk to him anymore before he calmed down again. I was just tired of talking about this topic every fucking time. I didn't want to be reminded again and again that I will die. Unfortunately, he doesn't understand that. He doesn't understand the risk I take when I do the operation. The only risk he knows is to lose when the weekend goes badly...

A more or less dull blow made me startle from my thoughts. I looked next to me and saw my pen lie on the floor. Everything was quiet, everyone was immersed in the math exam, but I just couldn't concentrate... I picked up the pen and started calculating the tasks. At least I tried that, but I just didn't manage to concentrate on one thing for more than a minute or two.

Again and again, either my father appeared in my thoughts with the operation or Lewis, with whom I I quarrelled Saturday evening. I was still sorry for him and meanwhile I am sure that I will tell him the truth that the doctor has only given me four months left, of which more than a half are already over. And from the operation, and that I won't do it. He deserves to know...

After two hours, the time was over. I hadn't quite finished, but my result still relatively satisfied me... I handed over the double-sided sheet in the front and then went.
The fresh autumn air awaited me outside. I smelled the moisture on the leaves and grasses, I saw the rain in the gray clouds, and I had this general feeling of autumn turbidity. Not only in my thoughts, but also in reality.

It didn't take two minutes, so the cold already creaked under my sweater and I started to freeze. In order to warm up as quickly as possible, I started to walk. And even though I didn't really feel like meeting my dad at work now, I was looking forward to Lewis, who wrote to me that he is also at Mercedes.

So I put my AirPods in my ears and listened to the music while I walked across the fields. After not too long, I felt the first raindrop on my skin, at that moment I knew that I would certainly arrive wet at the office. There are still at least twenty minutes left, which does not give much hope to stay dry. But why am I even surprised? After all, the clouds already looked like it was about to rain and most of my luck has already left me two years ago...

„What a shit!" I reached the Mercedes building drenched with rain. I ignored the funny looks of the people, even if it wasn't easy when you got glances from all sides as if something is wrong... „Hey honey- Oh" Lewis looked down on me, I looked him right in the eye. „Shut up!" I Warned him to make a stupid comment. He opened his mouth as if he wanted to say something, but closed it again when he saw my bitter look. „Uhm okay, y-you look beautiful..." He kissed me briefly and then explained that he still has a sweater in his bag.

„It's not quite fresh anymore, but at least something." He pulled something red out of his bag. It took me a short time to recognise the sweater again. It was the one Lewis wore when we were on this meadow. He wore it, when he apologised, and I really didn't think that this sweater would trigger feelings in me. Well, I was wrong. Suddenly I felt the pain I had felt there. I felt the loneliness, but only briefly until Lewis began to talk. „Liv? Do you need some help or...?" My counterpart smiled, whereupon I received the hoodie. „I know exactly how much you would like to do that-" I pulled the wet fabric over my head and then threw it on the floor, I only now realised how heavy it became through all the water. „But I can do it alone..." I put on an innocent grin, and before I knew it, he had grabbed me and thrown me on the couch.

„If you take it seriously, I'd rather help undressing you than the other way around..." I rolled my eyes, that was just typical Lewis. „As if that were a secret, Lewis..." We both had to laugh. „I never said either." He leaned down and then kissed me. Intimate, familiar. It felt so incredibly good, far too good, for the fact that it was actually just a simple kiss...

His hand wandered from my hip to my waist, from where goosebumps spread all over my body. I shook in myself, the moment he let his ice-cold fingers slide over my collarbone. A sigh slipped away from him when I bit slightly into his lower lip. I just loved it when he was so devoted to me...

For a moment we enjoyed our togetherness until Lewis' phone hummed in his pocket for the third time and he interrupted the kiss to see who bothered us.

Moaning, he put it back in his pocket. „I think I should go back. Bono is waiting for me..." He explained before he kissed me again and then disappeared. Then I lay there, alone, staring at the ceiling.
The situation gave me flashbacks from the day in Silverstone, where my whole life, which was pretty perfect to date, suddenly turned into the bad. When Lewis left the room at the time, a part of me also left. I felt something, smelled a suspicion of it lying in the air. But even though I thought about it all the time, I never expected my worst fear to really come true.

The love for Lewis blinded me, but I wanted to leave that behind me. I finally wanted to look ahead and not have to think back on what happened. Because that didn't matter, now only today counts. Tomorrow and yesterday didn't matter, life is far too short to concentrate on tomorrow and yesterday...