TEACH ME PROFESSOR [Elizabeth Olsen]

Chapter 47 - Should i stay or should i go

LIZZIE'S POV

"What do you mean Emma?" i ask her worried, my hands won't stop scratching the edge of the table with anxiety.
"I see how much my sister trusted you so much but i know that she hid some parts of her life from you, not because she didn't trust enough, but because when y/n gets attached to someone she doesn't want them to suffer because of her and so she prefers to keep it all to herself. I was actually surprised that she told you about her past and that says a lot about how much she cares about you and that's why you deserve to know everything" she takes a sip of her coffee and then starts talking again.
"You see, you may have wondered why my sister has lost so much weight lately. Well let's say that she has a somewhat difficult relationship with food, practically since she was little. The main cause is due to my father, he has always been strict with her, especially with her physique and it's become an obsession with her.
Then it turned into something much worse, a punishment.
When something goes wrong she punishes herself like this, by not eating, as if everything that happens to her is due to her fault.
When my mother had the accident she didn't eat for weeks and ended up in the hospital for a month, she went to a psychologist and a nutritionist but apparently it didn't work that much. Alcohol was also added to this, after what happened to my mother she started drinking a lot, i found myself many times in the middle of the night having to leave my home to go and recover her in some club.
Then she met Aubrey and for a while the problems seemed to go away, she made her happy, at least at first. And then she met you, and you were her greatest cure, i've never seen her in such good healty. So here if now you see her like this in these conditions now you know why, probably what happened between you two, she've thought it was all her fault and she punished herself like this"
what Emma told me left me speechless, every time that y/n told me she wasn't hungry, or that the fridge was empty just because she had to go shopping...fuck what a fool i was, why didn't i figure it out sooner?
Why was i so blind to the evidence?
"Hey Elizabeth, i know you're wondering now why you never noticed, but it's not your fault, i didn't realize it either until i saw an ambulance take my sister away.
Y/n-well she's very good at hiding what she's feeling, but i told you, she only does it so we don't worry" she adds with tenderness
"It's just- since she and i met, i'd promised myself that i would take care of her, from day one i felt this need to be close to her, but it has led to nothing except being here today in this hospital hoping she will wake up again" i explain to her
"I know, i know you feel guilty, but you both have to understand that sometimes not everything goes as we hope, but what really matters is knowing how to get up again. What i'm asking you Elizabeth is if you're not ready for all of this that's fine,
i understand it's not an easy situation but if you want to stay i want you to be really sure because my sister can't afford anyone else to leave her, especially someone as important as you" Emma asks me this question and i understand that she does it for her sister.
I can't stay with her and then at the first problem run away like i always have so i've to be really sure.
I'm sure i love her, i'm sure i want to be with her, but am i really sure i can put up with this?
"There's nothing wrong if you want to leave, you wouldn't be a bad person for that and nobody would judge you" she adds and maybe she's right, but i  don't want to leave y/n, i know she needs me and i have need her.
But love can't be just that, need, love is wanting the other person regardless of everything.
Maybe love is just when you don't need the other person, but right now we both need each other.
It may be an instinctive choice, but i feel that now this is where i have to be, with her.
"I want to be close to her Emma, ​​i don't want to leave her" yes it's what i want
"Fine, i'm happy that she met you and i'm sure that when she wakes up you will find a way to solve your problems" she says with a smile.
How does she stay so positive?
Despite everything she's been through, she keeps smiling.
"There's one more thing i have to tell you" she adds
"Tell me"
"What do you know about our father?" she asks me and i tilt my head confused
"Besides him being a big asshole and ruining y/n's life?" i say sarcastically making her smile
"Yes besides that" she replies
"Well Y/n told me he's a doctor and he works in New York and comes here to see your mother sometimes. When we were in New York and she got the news of what your father wanted to do she freaked out and i admit, i wanted so much to go find him to smash his face but y/n stopped me" i hate that man so much, i don't even know him and i don't even know what his face looks like but if i find him in front of me i know that i wouldn't keep my composure.
All of y/n's problems stem from him, he's been ruining her life since she was a little girl.
"Now i understand why y/n doesn't tell you the truth" Emma says and i'm even more confused
"About what?" i ask her
"My father doesn't work in New York, he works here, in this hospital" at that statement i widen my eyes in disbelief.
"W-what? but then why-"
"I think she did it to protect you, she knew that if you knew he was here you would have gone straight to him and reacted impulsively because you care about her, but you know, my father is a very important doctor, he knows a lot of people and she didn't want to that he put you in a bad name or ruined your career in some way" Emma explains to me and her explanation seems pretty convincing but i don't understand why lie to me to this extent.
"Well maybe you're right, if i met him i could punch him" i say gripping the edge of the table tightly between my fingers.
God i hate that man
"You wouldn't be wrong, i don't know why he's always been so mean to my sister, especially after he found out about her sexual orientation, that day when he kicked her out of the house—it was horrible. After my mother's accident, he's moved here to be close to her and to keep my sister from getting close to her and then there's me standing between them, trying to keep a balance as much as possible.
When he wasn't here i warned y/n so that could come to see our mother and i always wrote to update her on the conditions" she lowers his head and i feel a veil of sadness on her face.
"I'm so sorry Emma, it must not be easy for you.
You're the one who tries to keep the family together and you try to be so strong in the eyes of others that no one thinks you're suffering inside too. I'm here if you want to open up, i'll be happy to listen to you" i smile at her kindly and she does the same
"That's why i decided not to work here, i needed my space and to distract myself as much as possible.
I work for an organization that takes care of refugee children who often arrive here in horrible conditions, but it's so beautiful to be able to make them smile , it warms my heart"