Internal Cage

A clutter of fearful thoughts moaned loudly in my mind. Is this right? Staring out of the fog filled window a strange but beautiful sea of white engulfed my vision. Out of nowhere, a high pitched squeal and rapid vibrations echoed through the plane's confined chamber, snapping me out of my serene wonderland. In the motion a bright crack of light illuminated along the white walls. WHOOSH. Shivers ran across my skin like a wave of needles, as an intense gust of wind swallowed the door. I sat and stared, paralysed in fear with doubt growing inside of me. Anxiously sliding my fingers down the rough grooves of an elongated bar, I felt Austin's soft, warm hands tightly grasp mine. For years his only wish was to take me sky diving. I couldn't ruin this moment; I was doing this for him. Staring into his reassuring eyes I knew I was safe, and could let go because with him by my side I could accomplish anything.

With a constant grip on his hand, the wind gracefully caught my fragile body as I let it drop. Gazing up I saw Austin, a gleaming smile plastered across his face. The thought of his happiness filled my heart with joy. It was just me and him together, for what felt like an eternity. We just floated with perfect synchronicity, oblivious to the chaotic world around us.

Suddenly without warning, a flash of pain hit my chest like a strike of lightning. My mind began to race and the agony of the accident began flashing before my eyes. I could feel the excruciating shockwaves of pain reverberate throughout my whole body and remembered the daunting feeling of the sides of the vehicle enclose around me. Biting my lip, I allowed the pain to consume me. The constant sound of my pounding heartbeat echoed in my mind, it was ready to explode out of my chest. I was helpless as my lifeless body jerked from side to side.

"AHHH... STOP!" I screamed, a wave of tears filling my eyes. Wrapping my arms around my chest, I felt my limbs trembled. "It was my fault," I mumbled with both sadness and anger ringing in my voice. This cage of guilt was suffocating me. I felt the life drain from my body as I tried to push away the ice cold bars of rage. Giving up I let my helpless body fall. Suddenly, an intense flash of heat and the strength of Austin's arms comfortingly wrapped around me; saving me, as we collided in the air.

Pressing my damp face into his shirt, I remembered I wasn't alone. When everyone turned away from me and said I was crazy, Austin was always by my side. He was my light in a world drowning in darkness. Without him I would never be complete. As love flowed through my being, we drifted apart again, hypnotised by the unbelievable beauty of the landscape. Feeling the delicate wind caress against my skin and waver through my hair, I soared like a bird with the promise of freedom. The tall outstretched trees danced in the trade soft winds, as the deep smell of jasmine infused my senses. Like a bird I leapt on the back of the wind and floated downstream through the clouds. The fresh smell of nature filling me as I dipped through the orange sun rays.

Caught in the moment, I abruptly realised I was alone. Searching for Austin's kind eyes, panic arose in the loneliness. I felt my entire body shiver uncontrollably as the constant sound of fearful screams and cracking bones echoed through my ears. Closing my eyes to escape, my mind flickered to the last moments of the accident; like an hourglass had paused; its sands of time stopped for what felt like a millennia. Heavy gasps filled me, as I remembered straining my neck to the side. Shock filled my body. There next to me in the car was Austin, thick blood dripping from his soft, pale skin, through imbedded shards of glass. He was dead.

I couldn't do it anymore. I could no longer pretend that he was still here, the burden was too great. He was the only thing that had kept me sane. The smell of jasmine had strengthened, now that the earth beneath was close. I need him. Unclipping the strap around my waist, I slipped out of the harness. Staring at the luscious, bright green lawn I watched in fear as the blades grew closer. I clutched the precious ring on my finger with hope. Swiftly, the wind caught my last breath. Darkness. Silence. Strangely, I felt at peace. I was no longer trapped in my internal cage; I was now free. Finally, I could be with the one I love for all eternity.

Inspired by the Poem "I know why the caged bird sings" by

Maya Angelou