KEPT

20. CHANGE OF PLANS

KHANYISA

Days pass and although bab'Mdlalose is out of danger, he's still being monitored at the hospital. At this point we are all just grateful that he's alive. Besides the internal bleeding, he has a fractured arm and a back injury.

All three siblings went back to work so I've been spending my days and evenings with Ma. We've been going to the hospital each morning while the others make time during their days to go and see him. Nkosi has been the busiest, having to take in his father's duties while minding his own work keeps him away longer than the others and he tries to see him in the evenings when he can.

Beyond his busy schedule, I can't help but feel like there's more to his unavailability...

We hardly talk and when we do, he keeps it short. He also never wants to find himself with just me around and when it is just the two of us at bedtime he keeps his distance and faces the other way. Nkosi is putting up this invincible wall where I can't access him emotionally as well and each day he builds it even higher than the previous day.

Now don't get me wrong, I knew what I was getting into but he was never this cold or emotionally unavailable. He spent a lot of time getting me to be comfortable in our home and he was always focused on us, on me. Nkosi was clear from the beginning about his stance on love but what he did not realise is that although he never said the three words out loud, his actions have been a pure symbol of love. I've felt safe, wanted, prioritised and special and that for me, is a clear indication of love, so much that I ended up falling for him and even though I've never said the words too, if he could see what's in my heart, he would see just how gone I am. He would see that it's not only my mind that's in it, but my heart, soul and body as  well, every single part of me, had fallen deep for him to a point of no return.

I'm inlove with my husband... And right now, with his change of character, I can't be too sure whether that's a good thing or if I'm headed straight for a disaster.

Nkosi has completely shut down and I could easily blame it on the recent happenings if I really wanted to act like it had nothing to do with our marriage but I'm not dumb, nor am I that ignorant... I know it has everything to do with us.

I'm at his parents house on Wednesday evening and I've just finished cooking. Today was the same as other days. I slept here last night so in the morning after cleaning, Ma and I had breakfast together then we went to the hospital. Bab'Mdlalose seems to be doing good and when we saw him he was hopeful that soon the doctor would give him the green light so he can return home.

While I've been here, I've been working on my book again and today I finally sent it in for editing. Ntsako, my editor wasn't very pleased with the delay as I was supposed to have handed it it last week Thursday already but she understood when I explained that I got caught up and now we are getting ready to meet the deadline again, that's the one exciting thing in my life right now.

When Nkosi arrives, he checks on his mom as usual, he tells her how his evening visit at the hospital went then he says he's going to make a phonecall in the bedroom that we use when we are here. I know it might have to do with the P. I, he's been very frustrated with him because the guy hasn't found anything concrete. I decide this is my chance to ask him what's going on.

When I walk in he's just hanging up on the phone and loosening up his tie. "Nothing still?" I ask him after closing the door.

"Nothing, this isn't like Fana. He always delivers but right now... I really don't know, " he slumps on the bed and sighs after completely undoing his tie and unbuttoning the first three buttons of his shirt then sitting back on the bed with his back against the headboard while making sure his shoes don't touch the bed covers.