I don't think that I'll update anytime soon as exams are near and passing UNI is my first priority.
Decided to update for the 8 people who voted.
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The sun was shining bright in the sky, making the atmosphere almost happy. Almost.
Without answering the questions of mum, I opened the door of my room and locked it. I went straight to the bathroom and took a long shower before changing into sweatpants.
I logged into my Facebook account and opened the chat box. Nicole was online, I still haven't replied to her messages because I don't want to send something which will make me look like a fool.
My fingers were typing the reply to to Nicole's messages but then I deleted the entire message. It went on for a few moments before I decided to man up.
Hey! I'm good and you?
Waiting for a reply feels like waiting for your result. I don't know why I waa being anxious over a message. The three dots started moving indicating that she's typing.
I'm good, thanks for asking.
I waited for another message but none came. I wanted to talk to her but I don't want to come out as clingy. How on earth people carry out endless conversations, I can't even start a conversation.
No problem. So..... the weather?
I click send and realised how stupid that sounded. Asking about weather, seriously Harry. She'll think that I'm a weird person, which I am but it was supposed to be a secret. I don't know what I'm saying. A ding sound indicated that I got a message.
Weather, seriously Harry? No need to be shy or awkward with me, it's just me.
Should I be happy that she don't mind my awkwardness or should I cry because I am an idiot who make situations awkward?
Um.... Okay
I did not just send that. I'm awkward and an idiot. She told me to not be awkward and look what I did. I bet that if any girl saw this, she'll face palm all the way to Narnia.
You're cute.
What the hell. She called me cute. Is this her way of saying fuck off, you're an awkward idiot or she really find my awkwardness cute?
"Who are you talking to, Harry?" An overly excited Gemma asked.
"What the hell, Gem? You scared me! And how do you get in? I locked the door." I said, looking at the now unlocked door.
"It wasn't locked actually. I was about to knock on the door but it was open so I came in," she said. "And who are you talking to?" She asked, wiggling her eyebrows.
"No one." I said and slammed my lapot shut.
"Oh really? I saw the name and it said Nicole not no one." She rose her eyebrow.
"Leave me alone, Gemma." I said, getting frustrated by her.
"Is she your girlfriend?" She asked, trying to hold in a smile.
"No." She answered.
"So you have a crush on her?" She was trying her best to contain her smile.
"No, I don't. Now leave." I ordered.
"I will but first -" Her words were unfinished as her hands snatched the laptop from my hands.
"Gemma!" I shouted as I ran after her. She ran out of my room, she was about to shut the door but I stuck my foot in between the door. I ran after her and tried to snatch my laptop back from her hands. She was using her strength but I got the laptop in my hands eventually. Her laughter was cut off by my yelling.
"What the hell was that Gemma? You're not a child so stop acting like one! You are my elder sister, not my mum so you have no right to pry in my business. Mind your own business and stop interfering in my life." My voice boomed and the look on Gemma's face made me realise that I went too far. She was looking at the ground, her lip was between her bottom lip. I turned on my heels and left the room.
The day went by quickly and we were all seated on the dinner table. No one was talking, it was dead silence. It was weird because mum always tried to make small talks but today she was silent too. The only noise the could be heard was the noise of spoons against the plates. I finished my food and left the table. Mum's voice took me by surprise when I was putting my plate in the sink.
"I'm not really strict when it comes to you, Harry but what you did today was out of line. I will not tolerate your behavior. The way you yelled at your older sister today is unacceptable. She was just trying to lighten up your mood but you made her cry," She said in a strict tone. "You made her upset, Harry. So you will apologise to her, am I clear?" I nodded and left the kitchen.
I grabbed my pen and started writing in the journal.
Dear Journal,
I went to the café today. There weren't many people like yesterday. I sat at the very back again and ordered my coffee. I was looking outside the café window when I saw her. She was wearing a floral printed dress today. She was looking really beautiful. She entered in the café and sat at the seat she was sitting in yesterday. She looked around the café with a smile on her face. She was looking really happy. Her smile could light up London after dark. She ordered a pastry along with her usual. She wasn't scrolling through her phone today, instead her eyes were scanning each and every inch of the café today. She looked in my direction and I looked at my lap quickly. I don't want her to think that I was some creep. When I gathered the courage to look at her, she was no longer looking in my direction. She was talking to the waitress instead. She was smiling at her politely and was nodding her head once in a while. She finished her pastry and lifted the cherry. My gaze fell on her cherry red lips. Her lips were full and they looked so soft. I wanted to take her lips between mine at that very moment. My fantasy came to an end when she left the café. I left the café ten minutes later and came back home.
I messaged Nicole back and let me tell you, I fucked up. I was being awkward and I am sure that I scared her away with my awkwardness. She called me cute, I was about to answer her back but then Gemma sneakingly came in my room and read my messages. She even stole my laptop. I was angry so I yelled at her. I realised that I crossed the line when I saw hee trembling lip between her teeth. I felt guilty and left the room. Everyone was silent during dinner and mum told me to apologise to Gemma. I'll apologise to her tomorrow.
Goodnight
H .x
I closed the journal and took my sleeping pills before heading to the bed.
