His little monster|| Spike

1

Clara's pov

I wake in my empty house again. Reminding me painfully of what I lost. I close my eyes and push back my emotions from it. I shower and dress

I get to school and feel their stares and hear their thoughts. I wonder how she's doing. Willow

Is she going to go psycho again? Xander.

We know her weakness if she falls off the edge again...buffy.

I scoff at their thoughts and continue my day. We all meet at the library with Giles. I read a random book not bothering with their conversation. "Clara" willows voice rings. I look up at her "willow" I respond. "How are you since everything?" She asks worry in her eyes and voice. "You know since my family sacrificed their lives and died for buffy leaving me with nothing but empty boxes to bury? I'm great" I reply. Continuing my book. "I mean since after that too" she replies. "I'm fine" I tell her. I broke. My magic taking over and I used the book of the damned to try and bring my family back and killed many as sacrifices to do so.

I saw my mother and she came to me and I turned back just as buffy stabbed me with a special kind of metal that weakened me. And now to them I'm a monster that needs watching over. I watched them die and I couldn't do anything about it despite all my power. They died and I gained their power too. Now a lot of the time it's too much to handle.

"If you need anything....anything at all, we're here for you" she tells me squeezing my arm. The only thing I need is my family back with me. But I'll never have that again. They're gone. And so is that part of me. That human part of me. Now I just go through the motions. I look at her "the only thing I'll ever need is the one thing I can never get back. I'm fine" buffy says "spike is back. He came to see me last night"

Spike. We have a....friendship you can say I guess. I nod "good for him" flipping a page. Spike is who I called when I lost them before I snapped. He never answered. It's what made me truly see how alone I am. I stand once the bell rings and Buffy says "hey there's a monster we need help with" but I keep walking.

Buffy's pov
I turn to the group "she's broken" Giles says "it's only been a month since everything happened Buffy she just lost everything" I say "not everything she still has us" looking at the others and they nod and Xander says "what if she's too far gone even if she's not on a rampage like before?" "Xander!" Willow hisses. "No really. What if asking her for help and having her use the power whatever it is because there's no actual record of it besides her and her family we don't know what it is! Is too much and she regresses to that person again" Anya speaks up "maybe he's right" I shake my head "she needs us. She's one of us! Besides if she does resort back to it we have the blade"

"Who needs you?" Spike. "Uh...." I pause not knowing how he'll take what happened with her. They're close. She's the only one he's....human like with. "Buffy?" He asks. "Have you seen Clara yet?" I ask. "No. I came here hoping I would" he says confused and adds "why? Is she okay?" He truly doesn't know. I share a look with the others "what is it why are you looking at eachother that way?" He asks again. "She's alive....but she's not okay" I say. "What happened?"

He asks and I sigh and give him the run down as to what happened. "And your bright plan was to kill her?!" He snaps his vampire face showing. "Hey we didn't have a choice!" Xander excuses. I say "she was sacrificing people spike." He freezes and then pinches the bridge of his nose "shit" "what?" I ask. He huffs "she called me a few times one day and I was in the middle of a fight so I just let it ring and I called her back and she never answered any of my phone calls again." And he had to stay away to clean up the mess and other vampires and demons....

Spike was her cry for help and he missed it and then she lost it. I say "now she's emotionless, before she was feeling a lot and causing pain and suffering everywhere she went and now nothing. Spike you have to do something" "let her deal how she wishes. She's not hurting anyone" he says crossing his arms. "Except maybe herself spike. She's not mourning she's just ignoring it" I say. He just leaves.

Spikes pov
I find her eventually. I walk beside her "hello love" she doesn't look at me "spike" monotone. "Come with me" I tell her gently. "For what?" I'm not used to her asking questions....she usually just comes with me, and is excited to see me. "I want to talk" I reply. "We are talking spike" she says stopping at her locker. "Alone" I look around. "We are" she points out. "Love, please" I sigh. "Why now? Because buffy told you and asked you too? Spike I'm fine. Tell them that too" she snaps closing the locker harshly and it breaks. I raise an eyebrow. She takes a deep breath "don't look at me like that" walking passed me.

"Like what?" I question. "Like I'm some broken thing that needs fixing! I don't need to be fixed!" Her hands are glowing. Shit. I grab her hands "I'm not trying to fix you." And wince at the heat her power emits. It's stronger. She runs her fingers in her hair "don't look at me like that either spike" "like what?" I ask again confused. "Like I'm a monster that you're two seconds from wanting to put down" she huffs and with that she leaves me.

I find her again at home later in the day "you're not a monster" I tell her and she scoffs "say that to the 65 people I killed" packing. Not her things her fathers. "Or say that to buffy. Or Xander or their new friend Anya. They often think about me being one and killing me with that blade" she huffs a chuckle. I ask "do they not know the blade won't kill you?" Like how Giles is for buffy I'm her protector. Every one of her kind has one. If she dies I'll die soon after her. I should've been here. Our bond is more complicated and stronger than Giles and Buffy.

"No and I don't care enough to tell them that" she replies with a shrug. "Where were you?" She asks. Before I can answer she continues "I...I lost everything and everyone I've ever loved....and I called just as you told me to....and you never answered. You weren't here. I needed you and you weren't here spike" I tell her "I went to deal with a reckless group of demons and vampires. When you called I was in the middle of fighting. I was taken hostage and got out. When I did I called back but your phone was disconnected. I wish I was here. I should've been here. I'm sorry I wasn't"

She tells me "since when do you care enough to deal with things like that?" "Since they've made threats against you" I say. She points out "everyone does" "and slowly I'll deal with them all but they had real plans to hurt you and I couldn't let that stand" pulling her to me into a hug. She relaxes into me and I mutter to her "I'm sorry about your losses love" mother, father, brother and sister and their protectors....gone. Their gift wasn't as strong as hers which is why they were able to be killed the way they were. She mutters "I don't want to feel anything anymore" I don't know what's scarier....her feeling everything and breaking, her feeling nothing or this in between she's in right now. I kiss her temple "we will get through it together love" and we will. I'll see to it myself that she does.