Bigger Than The Whole Sky ☆ Jaylor

Chpt. 7 - Sexy whale breakdown

October 7th, 2022. 

I wake up in his arm, as always. It was cold this morning. Trying not to wake him, I twist around to see if my guts would betray me and if I'd have to rush to the toilet, but I feel totally fine. 

Joe murmurs "morning baby" and I twirl my fingers in his hair, gently scratching his scalp. I could never get enough of soft, cuddly morning Joe. I hope our baby is just as cuddly as their dad. 

We stayed in each other's arms for a while, before getting out of bed to start our day. I stumble downstairs for a decaf coffee in my zombie-like morning state and Joe follows me down and makes me avocado toast for breakfast. I felt so cranky and tired this morning, but I knew it was only caused by fear. 

"Joe! I never have pepper! Why did you put pepper on it?! UGH, now you have to make me another one!" I was irritated as hell. 

Joe seemed a bit confused by my sudden outburst, but put another piece of bread in the toaster before walking over to me. I shrugged away from his arms when he tried to hug me. 

"Babe, what's wrong?" He whispered, standing next to the barstool I was sitting on. 

"You." I grumbled. That wasn't fair of me to say, I know, but he was really getting on my nerves this morning and I didn't know why.

"That's not true, love. You wouldn't have coffee or avo toast without me." He teased, clearly not offended by my words. 

"It's not even real coffee." I grouched. 

"Caffeine will hurt the baby. Do you want salt?" He asked as he served my new, pepper-less avocado toast. 

"I want Buggy to suck it up and like real coffee. But yes, salt please." I complained. I missed coffee and it hadn't even been a week.

Joe took his cereal and sat on the stool next to me. He didn't say anything, just ate and watched me eat, trying to analyze my sudden mood shift. 

"Are you okay now? I am very sorry you can't have coffee, but I feel like it wasn't... It's not like you to get mad over something little." He stroked my arm, and I let him. 

"Yeah," I mumbled after a few seconds, "I guess I'm just... I just have a lot on my mind."

"You wanna talk about it?" He asked. 

No. I didn't because verbalizing my fears, letting them slip off my tongue, makes them real. And I'm not ready to face the things I'm scared of yet. 

"Okay." I said, reluctantly. Talking about it will help. Joe will help. 

"I guess I'm just... Having a baby in a life like ours. Having the whole world wanting to see their face and know their name. Having every mistake we make as parents in headlines. I mean, what happens when our baby isn't a baby anymore and we can't protect them from celebrity stuff? 

"You can't exactly tell a seven-year-old, 'sorry Buggy Boo, you can't go to the park like all your friends because you're going to be breaking news all over the world if that happens. And because you've got a higher chance of being abducted than all your friends. And because you'll be yelled at and harassed by big scary men with cameras.' It's just not fair."

"And I have an album coming out in... 14 days. I'm going on tour in March and I'll be 6 months pregnant. That's not going to work, Joe. And I always lose weight on tour and I don't eat properly and I'm going to look like a whale anyways because I'll be six months pregnant. SIX. That's a lot and I don't think I can perform like that. It's just... It's really unfair because I love Buggy more than anything in the world-"

Joe slapped his hand onto his heart as if he'd been stabbed, and we both chuckled a little bit, but I knew he wasn't really offended. I knew he agreed that the love you have for your child is on a whole different level to the love you have for your soulmate.