Prologue:
Joel doesn't know what he's doing. It feels so wrong.
He knows it's what's good for Sonny. He can't stand seeing him hurt himself over and over, to be so broken and want to harm himself whenever he looks at his own reflection or is left to his own thoughts. Still, this is his Best Friend. It shouldn't have to come down to this. He feels like he should have been able to help more than he has lately.
Joel holds the steering wheel tight in his fists. He's trying to look normal, and he truly hopes it's working. Kat opens the back door for Sonny, who's dark hair is still a little matted from sleeping. Sonny smiles and laughs at Joel, making a joke about his tense body. 'Didn't you smoke enough this morning?' Joel feels so sick to his stomach when he sees that Sonny's wearing the Mickey Mouse pajama pants that he had gifted to him last christmas. Kat gets into the passenger seat, her facial tattoos barely visible in the early morning half-dark.
Kat and Joel exchange a look. She tries to smile at him, but her lips just quiver and press together in a thin line. Joel sees tears forming in her eyes, and she blinks quickly to hide them. He starts the car, and they pull out slowly into the street.
Joel coughs to hide a dry sob. Sonny thinks we're going to pick up Jenna from the airport. Oh my god, how could I do this to him? I'm a liar! I'm a horrible friend! He'll never forgive me. -- These thoughts, and many others, run rings around Joel's mind. His eyes flick to his friend, playing with his phone happily. Sonny smiles at the screeen, his eyes running over many colors. It looks like he's playing Fruit Ninja.
This makes Joel more emotionally dead inside. Seeing Sonny so happy, knowing that in less than an hour, it's all going to crash down on him.
Kat notices this and takes Joel's hand in hers, squeezing it tight between her fingers. He squeezes back, holding back tears. Sonny doesn't even notice when they take the road leading away from LAX. He doesn't notice they've driven for almost an hour. He doesn't notice that buildings are getting scarce, or that the sky is blocked out by tall trees. He just innocently plays his game, humming something.
Joel feels his throat become dry; he sees the last turn he has to make. A silvery-white gate is blocking his way. He pulls up to it, and he honks twice. Sonny drops his phone and looks around, his next words scarring Joel more than any nightmare he has ever had.
"J-Joel? What's going on? Where are we?"
Joel can't reply. He knows if he does, Sonny will catch him crying. Instead, he doesn't make a sound. The gate opens inward and Joel pulls up through. Kat covers her mouth, she's also silently crying.
Joel feels his chest tighten and his mind go blank when he sees the sign. Kat digs her nails into her seat, obviously trying not to jump out of her skin. Joel's just waiting for Sonny to notice it, too..
"PATTON STATE HOSPITAL"
Joel hears Sonny gasp. There's a scratchy sound, and Joel sees in the rearview mirror that Sonny is now laying across the seat, his face hidden in his hands.
"Joel, please! No! I don't want this! Don't leave me here! I don't want to go!" He cries into his fingers, a small amount of wetness forming between them.
Joel feels his heart tear in half. Kat crawls into the backseat with Sonny. She props him up against her shoulder, and Sonny takes a fistful of her shirt in one of his hands. He lets out a long, agonized wail; like that of a small child who had fallen off a bike.
"Nooooo.." He cries into Kat's shirt.
To Joel, Sonny looks so small and helpless at this moment that he wants to turn around. To go back home. To sit with Sonny by the pool and talk about silly things and let Sonny be free and happy. But he knows that he can't. Even if every part of him is screaming for him to, it's not safe for Sonny.
Joel gets out of the car and walks up to the large, tan building. He stands infront of it for the longest time, just staring blankly into the window as guilty tears pour rapidly out of his green eyes. He dares not look back at the car, at Kat holding Sonny like a mother would her child, protecting him from what he sees until she can't possibly do it anymore. In one last fit of bravery, he presses the intercom button. "Sonny Moore is h-here." Joel can barely speak through his tears.
"On our way out, sir." A voice replies.
Joel falls the the ground, backing against a wall. He tucks his knees to his chest and cries into the denim of his jeans. "I'm sorry! Sorry! I'm so, so sorry, Sonny!" He just keeps repeating it over and over. "Forgive me! I just want to he-help you!"
In the back of his mind, Joel knows that this is keeping Sonny safe. That this really is helping his friend. But Joel doesn't fully recognize it. He keeps thinking that he's putting sweet, shy, innocent Sonny into a place where he would never in a thousand years want to go.
Joel looks up to see three male workers, dressed in bright, happy colors exit the building towards the car. Kat opens the door, and half-helps-half-drags a hysterically crying Sonny from it. Sonny's brown eyes are wide with fear and shame. His face is wet and red from crying.
"Please! No!" Sonny won't let go of Kat's shirt. Kat tries to smile at him, but can't. Joel hears her say: "It'll be okay, Sonny. It's only until you get better."
"I AM be-better!" Sonny sobs, sniffling and pleading with his eyes. Joel can't take it anymore. He gets up and sprints towards the smaller man, taking him tight in his arms.
"Sonny, I love you. We love you. Jenna loves you, Porter loves you, EVERYONE loves you. We only want to see you happy and safe. I promise. PROMISE that we will come get you as soon as you're okay." Joel's tears soak into Sonny's hair.
Sonny looks up, his brown eyes looking directly into Joel's. "I AM ok. And I love you guys too.." He whispers.
The workers tap on Joel's shoulder. They say it's time for Sonny to go in now.
Joel slowly releases his grip on his friend. Sonny cries silently, pressing his phone and Wallet into Joel's palm. Sonny blinks slowly and turns towards the door, which he is led towards by the workers; obviously the slowest Sonny has ever walked. Joel and Kat get in the car, tears still rolling down their faces. Joel thinks that it's going to be ok.
But as soon as he can't see Sonny anymore, he loses it again.
*~*~*
