do you ever wake up with this pit in your stomach? the feeling that makes your skin shiver to the thought of having to live another day? every day is dull. every day is the same. it seems impossible to escape and that really scares me.
i want to feel fulfilled, happy with what i got, not sad about what i cant have. yet i just cannot help myself from feeling empty.
i look at myself in the mirror and my eyes start changing, the spark is gone. its been replaced by blue purple-ish dark circles. i usually sleep to avoid the pain. i cant sleep anymore. my brain is just on full torture mode, its exhausting.
"but youre so happy and full of life, Klem"
you ever heard of masking, you bitch? thats pretty fucking exhausting too. feeling like shit AND having to hide it from the outside world.
i wish you could just hop into my soul and experience everything ive ever lived. then we can talk about my "happiness". i am unable of understanding my own feelings and behaviours, i doubt you could ever comprehend me. my brain is like jello, im constantly confused and lost. my memories blur all together, my dreams become reality or maybe reality becomes my dreams?
im walking in this desertic land with ignorant people that sound and act like npcs. how could one not totally freak out?
i know its just my head pulling tricks on me, but i cant help myself from thinking that it might just be it. what if theres nothing else? what if im destined to live in pain until the end of times?
