Can't You See ME?

Why won't you listen?

Taehyun POV

Tuesday, November 13th, 2018

I have this friend named Beomgyu. He is absolutely obsessed with broadcasting his life to the world. I'm really concerned about him because ever since he started gaining popularity, he keeps changing himself and his personality to keep his status and to keep up with the trends. What worries me is that I don't recognize my best friend. I don't even know if he remembers me or his other friends at this point. Why won't he listen to us when we tell him that he's not the Beomgyu we used to know?

Over the next few months, he kept changing his diet for the internet. I don't know what it is but there's something about it that sets me off. His body shape changed drastically. He's at an unhealthy weight for a 21 year old. Can he not see that?

It's now February 6th 2019. We fought today. I took Beomgyu's phone from him before he posted another picture about his life. "Why can't you fucking see what this has done to you? You barely even come to hang out with me and the other three. Do you even remember who the hell we are?" I pointed out.

"Well if you were a true friend you would support me, but instead you're fighting with me about every choice I make." Beomgyu retorted.

"True friends look out for each other too. And that's what I've been trying to do ever since November. LAST FUCKING YEAR." I continue to snap back. "Can you just stop and look at yourself from my perspective? From Yeonjun's perspective? From Kai and Soobin's perspective? Beomgyu you aren't the same friend we once had. We don't know you anymore."

"No I-" I stopped him. "I'm not done."

"We stand around watching you make these choices that have changed your appearance and personality. You always say that you're too busy to hang out with us now, before you would leave your phone here and we'd head out for hours. Why did that have to change? Look at yourself from MY perspective. You're malnourished, you're dangerously underweight for 21, we're scared you'll end up in a hospital, Beomgyu, please just look at it the way we do. Please Beomgyu. We're begging you to go back to who you were before." My tone kept getting softer and softer as I went on.

I was trying my hardest not to cry. I just wanted the real Beomgyu back. All he did was storm out of the apartment. I didn't regret what I said, but his words were sinking in deeper by the second. I sat on the couch and cried for hours, by the time Beomgyu got back I was asleep. I'm not a deep sleeper so I heard the sink in the bathroom turn on, he left it on for a few minutes. I figured that he was washing his face.

Once the sink turned off I heard him come to the couch, followed by his voice. "I wish I knew what you meant by 'look at yourself from my perspective.' "

I felt him stroke my hair once and he went to his room for the rest of the night. In the morning, I was awake early. I had asked Yeonjun, Kai, and Soobin to come over for breakfast so I had to get up early to clean the apartment. I heard a knock on the door just as I finished putting the dishes away. "It's unlocked."

But the door didn't open. I began to get nervous. I put on a mask and opened the door. A group of girls I didn't recognize were standing on the other side. "May I help you?" I ask.

"Is this where Choi Beomgyu lives?" one of them interrogates. "No, you must have the wrong place." I lie. What did you post now Beomgyu?

"Sorry for bothering you"

The girls leave and I close the door. I figured that Beomgyu had posted the address of our apartment building. This set me off because I feel like it's a violation of space when people show up unannounced. Especially when you live with at least one other person. I sigh and slide down against the door. I feel really uncomfortable knowing that our address is posted online. I'm scared to bring it up to Beomgyu because what if we fight again?

I can't help thinking that something terrible could happen to both of us now. I shouldn't let my head get ahead of me now. Maybe I should have considered the worse. The month went by in a blur. Out of nowhere Beomgyu was in the hospital, he was found passed out in a cafe for over 2 hours. I went to visit him every day, I was the first person he saw when he woke up. I would spend my days there any time I could.

"I see why you would worry all the time." He trailed off. This was the first time he was honest with me or anyone in general in almost a year.

"I didn't fight with you because I didn't trust you, I was worried and wanted you to see what it had done to you." I told him. "And I understand that I didn't do it properly but I had to get it across to you somehow sooner than later."

Yeonjun, Kai, and Soobin came after they finished at work. We had a blast, catching up, reminding each other of older memories. Beomgyu's real smile came through and this was the smile I love and missed.