The Heart of Katie Grey

Friday August 22

Friday August 22nd

I woke up startled to the sound of my alarm going off. Today was the funeral, I pried my eyes open, crusty just like they had been the last few nights since I had been falling asleep crying. I sat up and immediately started coughing, I hadn't done any of my breathing treatments the last couple days, and it was really catching up to me. I gave in, set up my nebulizer and vest and took a handful of my meds. It takes half an hour to shake up all the mucus out of my lungs and inhale all the medicine. I used to do it while looking at my phone or watching something on Netflix, but this morning I just stared at the sun creeping through the window. I had already deleted Instagram, TikTok and VSCO and everything else off my phone anyway, it all made me feel sick seeing that my life had ended, and everyone else's was still moving forward.

I glanced at the dress Erin picked out for me hanging on the desk, thankfully she actually did an excellent job, and it was something I would have probably picked out for myself. It was knee length and kind of slim fitting which was good because anything big usually swallowed me. There was a pair of flats below, and two pieces of small jewelry that were my mothers that Erin also suggested I wear. I wasn't sure if I'd be able to put them on without crying though.

Once I was done with treatments and coughing up enough mucus to fill the entire cup I did feel a little better, a reminder that skipping my treatments despite how hard it was to do them sometimes really just kind of made everything worse. I hopped in the shower and then put on a little bit of makeup to resemble a human and less of the sad skeleton that I did. I tamed my wavey hair with an old straighter from Ashley. I looked in the mirror once I was done, I still looked pretty tired but maybe slightly improved.

I left the bathroom and Ashley and Erin were waiting for me in the kitchen

"You look really beautiful," Erin said, looking at me with her warm eyes.

The entire funeral was a bit of a blur, which I was actually thankful for. Everyone told me how sorry they were for me, that I did a great job speaking, and to let them know if I needed anything, but it didn't matter because I would soon be leaving for Montana.

Watching my parents' caskets get lowered into the ground I had to close my eyes. We were just at a cemetery down the street from my home, a cemetery I would often run by and think that my parents would one day be buring me there, it being unlikely I would outlive them. That's what we were all prepared for, for my death at the hands of Cystic Fibrosis. Unlike any of my friends and their parents, o never thought I'd be alive to attend my parents funeral.

Eventually the last of my parents' friends left the cemetery and I climbed into the backseat of Ashley's car. I gazed out the window knowing this would be one of my last drives through my beach town. I didn't want to go to Montana, and yet as much as I loved it here everything felt dull and sad and reminded me of my parents and the life I just lost.

When we got back to Ashley's I got changed before zipping up the last of my 4 suitcases filled to the brim with stuff that would be coming w​​ith me. The rest of my belongings were boxed up and were to be left covered sitting dormant at my parents house to collect dust for the next year. I opened my phone looking at my checklist one last time to make sure there was nothing I could have forgotten, but I already knew I didn't.

"Ready to go?" Erin asked

"Yeah I said" grabbing a suitcase

We loaded everything into the car, the suitcases barely fitting, I said goodbye to Ashley and she gave me a hug, and I waved at Jay as Erin pulled out of the driveway.

"Alright Katie" Erin said, "We have a layover in Minnesota so we won't be landing until tonight, the boys will pick us up from the airport and then it's about an hour drive through the mountains to the property."