little miss goth

part 1

TW: abuse, foul language

( Reni POV )

About four years ago I was pretty depressed. I had a hard time eating because with every bite I took it felt like I was adding on ten pounds for people to look at and judge. Some days I would get so hungry and sad that I would eat more food than I should. Don't get me wrong, I still had some happy days when I was with my friend luke at school, its when I got home that everything fell apart. Not only did the words of the kids around me echo in my head, but I also had to deal with my dad.

As the days went by it got harder and harder to get out of bed. That's when I really got into reading. It brought me to another world, one where I could forget the words that brought me down. It was when I had no way of getting good books that I found a reading app. The books I found there always brought me joy and lifted me up and out of reality. One day I had ran into a story that had introduced me to so etching called "age regression". After looking it up and doing some research on it, I learned that it is a type of therapy for stress, depression, and childhood trauma.

The way age regression works is once you are used to it, there are things that can cause your mind to go into the mindstate of a child. For different people, it varies on the age they regress to. When in this state of mind, the person is also called a "little" most often the little refers to there caregiver as mommy or daddy, that's why most would mistake this as a kink. A caregiver is someone helps to take care of the little when they are small. When a little regresses, their mind is truly that of a child. The way you would picture a child to act that's how they will act.

For the past three years now I have been a part of this community. I normally regress to around toddler years, so the ages 3 to 5 are around where my mind will go. Things that can cause my mind to regress are child names like "little one" and "princess", toys and stuffed animals can cause my regression as well. For me, my mind regresses when I am stressed or feeling depressed.

I thought it was weird at first but once I tried and I ended up regressing, which is called being in little space, I felt happier and more at paece.

Today is my first day of senior year of high school. Just one more year of this place. I open my eyes and I'm met with the blinding light coming through my window, I sigh. I really don't want to get up. I pull myself to sit up. At the end of my bed is my little chiwawa, hazel. Seeing her brings a smile to my face, she looks so peaceful sleeping.

I get out of bed and head to the bathroom to shower and get cleaned up. Stepping out of the shower, I grab my towel and start to dry of. Standing in front of the mirror I see a big bruise on my side, It must of been from last night. I decided on wearing something light so it went hurt too bad. I walk over to my closet and pull out a black T-shirt. With a white skull on it and a pair of black jeans. I got stressed and grabbed my bag for school.

"bye bye hazel, I love you" I kiss hazel on the head and put food in her bowl before walking out and shutting the door. Standing at the top of the stairs can hear dad telling at mom "I work day in and day out for this family and I can't even wake up to a warm meal!" I hear the smack and I know it's one of the days dad felt like being an ass. Once he laid his eyes on me i knew what was coming. " You! Its your fault this family is trash, you were never supposed to be born!" He stepped closer to me and I felt the pain as he backhanded me. "get out of here, I can't stand to look at you, your worthless" he spits in my face. I take I quick look at mom and I see look at me with the same discust in her eyes. Turn and rush out the door. I ran to the bus stop and waited.

The bus pulls up and I get on hoping he didn't leave a mark on my face. I take a seat next to my friend luke " hey luke". "Reni... You got a little blood on your lip" he told me, my eyes widened and I start wiping at it. Luke reaches into his bag "hang on" he pulls out a wipe, he holds my chin with one hand and cleans up the little bit of blood with the other. "There you go, nice and clean" I laugh nervously "thanks" I fidget with the end of my shirt, please please please don't ask why I have blood on my face. Luke looks at me "so... You gonna tell me what happened?" he asked, dang it. Think, what would he believe? "Oh" I give a small laugh "you know how clumsy I am, I ran into my front door on my way out the house" I hope he believes me. " oh my lord, you really are clumsy" he smiles and I smile with him.