The Leading of Paper Cranes

Chapter 8: 1000 Little Papercuts

Frozen in time... or is it more of a time loop? Ice melting and refreezing continuously. I still sit there with my hands cushioning the head of Jasline, Jazz still fighting the horrific murderer. Am I really that pathetic? When I search my mind, I see specks of music. Whether it be Beethoven's 5th symphony or all the way to modern music. However it feels like some piece of music is missing. A genre, a singular song? I couldn't really tell myself. It feels like a virus inside of a computer or a human body. Like that missing song is corroded and taken by some sickness or hacker. Whether that song has the meaning to what's happening is a fate I will never get to know.

Jazz struggles some more. Me and Jasline die some more. I'm consumed by anger, consumed by guilt and rage, consumed by anguish and sadness and love and happiness and fear. I can't express how I am.

"Roland!!" Jazz yells once again from the hallway.

I become unglued and melt out of my cryostasis. I rest Jasline's head on my jacket. I head straight for the doorway and immediately after, the perpetrator runs away, leaving no sign of where they went. I widen my eyes and become teary-eyed without crying. I slam the door of Mrs. Furrcles' class. I call the phone and sit below the hanging phone like I only have one piece of my heart left. Dying and being killed slowly.

"Can I go to my friend's house?" It's me and my mom in the car. We left school the same day. "Like, for one it's for a woodworking project," I pause as I lie. "And there are some other matters I have to deal with them."

"Absolutely not!" She flares at me, "You have a session with your therapist today."

I never had a therapist, "Since when? When are we booked?"

"You're booked for 6:30. We booked it a month before today."

I know my parents want the best for me but... "Couldn't you have told me? You had a month to tell me, and you didn't tell me?"

"I'm sorry but sometimes you just can't know some grown up things."

I swear she treats me like a child. "It's literally MY... MY therapy session that you booked. One that I didn't even ask for. You think it's unmerited for me to get to know something in advance. Would it kill you to tell me something as such? Why book something that I don't need?" Truthfully, I do need them. However this is also a reason I want to go to Mauriel's. He's a better therapist than any other. One that only I could ask for.

"Well..." She pauses for a moment, "How was your day?" She smiles in the rear-view mirror.

I sigh, "Then can I stay over at Mauriel's?"

"Like I said absolutely not."

I'm tipped over the edge. The bottle's about to explode and it's starting to overflow. My emotions are rushing from one side of the world to the other. It's like how 1 Step Forward 3 Steps Back plays, then Bohemian Rhapsody, then All of Me. It's like I'm overclocked, short-circuiting. My emotions come and go. Come from happiness to fear to disgust to sadness to guilt to on and on and on. Worst part is, she just sits there and smiles, like she doesn't have her own problems. Like she is the heir in the hierarchy and all perfect. My confusion plus her alacrity just ticks me off. Makes me go delirious, go insane, go mental.

"Here, just so that you can get it into your head, repeat after me. I am going to therapy."

That's it. She really thinks I'm a child. She thinks I'm a machine, an object. At this point I'm starting to become teary-eyed once more. Once again not crying.

"Remember, don't cry my child."

I have truly gone psychotic. A guilty, unhinged and crazed brother I am. I look at my hands as if I have blood on them. The scene of the car turns into a moving crime scene, flashing in and out like I truly have gone off the rails. My emotions feel silenced, neglected and nullified and dull. I laid my head down, staring down at my chest as my heart beats out of it, for the rest of the ride home.

A few hours later, the therapy session happened. Nothing necessarily happened. Not anything new. It feels like my words weren't mine. The words of a doppelgänger purposefully getting me turned in for their crimes. However, I did get to go to Mauriel's afterwards, for a sleepover as well.

"Hey." Mauriel opens the door with someone standing behind him.

"Hey! Who's the person behind you?"

"Hey! The name's Gabriel. Just call me Gavin. Yours?"

I put on a confused look. "My..."

"Your name silly. What's your name?" Mauriel interrupts my sentence.

"Oh, Roland. Roland Jence."

"I'll just call you.." He thinks for a moment. "J-Land." He laughs and chuckles.

Mauriel laughs along. "Sounds like the name of a rapper."

Me and Gavin seem to also have a similar-minded mind. "Truly"

As I head to Mauriel's room, I think to myself— my worst enemy. Isn't Gavin the popular kid at school? Not that I don't want to be with a popular kid, more like they're apart of the "Drama". I'll play along for now. Then I'll live and forget.

We play games before we start homework. We play 2k21— everyone in the room agrees it's the best version of 2k. Anyways, this is the best form of therapy, just to chill and forget about my problems. Realistically, it's probably the worst form of therapy behind therapy shopping, but I can't help it. Me and Gavin get along. Actually more like Gavin get's along with me. Bottom line is we have too much fun to finish any homework that we have.

I go to bed last. I approach my worst enemy and gaze out the window at the stars. What are with these paper cranes, are they the connection between all these murders. If so, can I be the next victim? Can I just hold out a paper crane in the middle of the cafeteria and just wait for my supposed demise? If that's not it then what is it? My connection with my immediate family is disconnecting by millisecond. It's not like I can plug the connection back like I would my phone charger. I put my head to rest, as my soul discusses amongst itself.