Twin "A Letter to You"- A short story

A Letter to You.

     Through the many universes set around us, our souls have intertwined. Our paths have crossed. If I was sane I'd be appreciative of that simple fact. Through the astral plane and 5D realities we've met many times before. Our inner selves became so blindly comfortable with one-another that our 3D selves soon began mimicking and mirroring the other; becoming spiritually identical and aligned. What you desired soon became my desire, but doubled in the sense of alacrity. What you liked became my favorite thing. What you changed, I found myself changing within myself as well- but not on purpose. Your alter ego became the blueprint for my will of existence. You became a part of my identity. When I looked into the mirror I no longer longed just for the reflection of my own face but yours as well. You appeared everywhere I traveled, whether it be physically or spiritually.

     I saw so much of myself in you, and unlike you, I initially wanted to heal my wounded areas. Since you were myself in my own eyes, my wounds were yours as well. You reflected your hurt upon me. Yet, I found comfort in the pain that you caused, because I felt it on another level of comprehension. I understood precisely where your anger, regret, fear or sadness stemmed from. I knew where to touch to make you feel better and where to make you hurt. As did you. You knew how to make me feel sane in an insane world. With that you also knew how to make me feel bluntly callus and emotionally unstable. We knew each other's spots and points in which we'd break. Instead of using that to grow out of our karmic connection we used it against each other. What was once to our benefit soon became our greatest enemy; our selves. What drew us together was now what drove us apart. Our souls had worked together far more and harder than our 3D selves did over time; and as all good things do, it ended. Our worldly figures got physically and emotionally tired of each other in response to self detestation. We disliked ourselves which made us decry and hate each other. What was once an obsession quickly turned into disgust.

     Although what we had was deep rooted and utter hatred for each other, we were still one another, internally. You spiritually inherited all of the qualities I loved of myself, and I had all the qualities you adored in yourself. You were my twin whether I wanted it or not. I noticed this when I sought myself coherently fighting my own mind and soul whenever we would separate. Because, when we aren't in communication or physically in-touch with one another, my entire identity is shattered. It feels as if some entity is slowly pulling half of my body away from the other as I stand-watch and suffocate in the presence of our demons. The farther my other side is being dragged, the more intense the burning sensation on my essence grows.

     No matter how far away you are in this world, you are still here with me in the astral realm. Bits of your soul will always reside in the missing half of mine and vice versa. In fifty to sixty years from now when we're old, moved on, and accurately in love, or in another lifetime, even the smallest piece of us will remain within the other. Our souls have an unrealistic eternity contract; they're elated still, swimming around in what we were rather than what we are. They're still connecting through the spiritual plane when we sleep and are mentally practicing outside of this domain of thinking. When our souls have time to focus on one another, they take it, selfishly. Occasionally those moments will slip into our reality in a form of deja vu, permanent dreams, or nightmares.

     Because our physical forms no longer confide in one another, we are not connected in this life- at this moment. Instead of communicating with you, I lay awake in the depth of the night feeling you suffer. I've tried pushing the feeling away, and so have you but we've learned there is no escaping it. I know when you are troubled, you know when I am panicking. I know when you are worried, you know when I am in pain. There is no end to this clairvoyant feeling; how are we meant to grow and be our higher selves in a place where we're being hurt and constantly reminded of our unearthly connection? This is life as we know it now, including every lifetime after this one. In some form you will be there in my presence, and as will I be there for yours. Every road and journey I attend will lead to you.

     I dream of you constantly like my life mentally depends on it. We channel each other's energy within us, communicating with subliminal messages. Once I caught myself vividly picturing your face as if you were lying beside me, did you feel that? It was more than a depiction of your essence, instead your physical face formed independently in front of mine. With no force of imagination, I could see everything that I remembered of you. Your eyes were still wide and droopy, your lips were still defined in the shape of a loose heart, your nose still held the piercing in which was tilted to the side as it always was, your hands were on your lap and you sat staring at me. You said nothing but you didn't have to, I knew what you were implying. We sat and mirrored each other once more. It was a sense of comfort and clarification that passed through my 3D self, like we had caught up with each other after a long period of no contact and spiritual isolation. And when you disappeared out of my sight, I laid staring at nothing. I was once again alone with just the bare memory of my Twin.

     The lingering ghost, who is just the rawest sentimental perception of you, that was left behind of your existence physically haunts me. I see it in the corner of my room when I can't sleep, staring at itself in the mirror. I feel your soul constantly in my aura. As I breathe, I know you can feel it. Carrying parts of you internally when you are no longer available externally is utterly insufferable. Because what I feel of you is never permanent. It just hurts over and over again, the stinging spreads and carves deeper and deeper into my soul, leaving more of you to mourn.

     I know you sit and wonder where I've been and what I've been doing since our physical selves parted, hopefully in not a grieving, desolating way but in an optimistic, promising way. I sit and wallow in the thought of you, wondering if you fulfilled your wishes and desires. It's neither negative nor positive, I just sit and merely exist in the pure entity of you. I lie and fantasize what magical and ironic case will draw us back together, or even if our physical paths will ever cross again.

     Intentionally, I second guessed myself when I labeled you as my twin flame, but I knew that you weren't my soulmate, soulmates meet after you've met your twin flame and I never felt my soul feel bound to yours. Yet, I never met any human being that gave me any sort of soul-touching energy like you did and obtained the abilities you had to reach me in alternate ways. Instinctively, I knew you were different from the majority. I never felt that I had a living breathing soulmate. Maybe my soulmate lives in another universe or time of sustenance. Maybe they left earth and their existence is at stake. Either way, in this world my soul is not bound to another, I have that freedom. I've always had that advantage in my past relationships, but with you I had no self control and the freedom I once inherited had passed. I was undeniably and internally yours for eternity. You had me in ways nobody ever did and ever will.

     You are my other half, and as I am yours. I will forever search for you in everything that surrounds me, without a doubt or inconsideration, attempting to find some sort of structure. I will love you until I love myself, and forever beyond that. You are my mirrored image, you have shown me what to fix in my life and how to feel emotionally. Your thoughts and intensity, past trauma and 5D figure are guarded with safety within the depths of my soul. No one will ever know or understand your mind the way I do; the way my soul does.

     And so this story comes to an end, as do all great things in this lifetime. We deserved better than what we gave ourselves, but we will never admit that. This cycle became terribly toxic and tiring. My mind wanted to sleep, but it couldn't. I drained you and you drained me. So if this is to be our goodbye for now, meet me in your dreams my love. I'll be waiting for you to appear. I hope to feel you grow as a person and exit any toxic cycles you've placed yourself into. I hope to sense you heal your inner child and all that was broken inside of you. I hope to perceive some sort of comfort within your mental state. As you go along in this universe, know that you will never be alone again. Even when you don't feel or sense it, my inner self is lying down along with yours watching us reflect in the real world.

     Somewhere in another timeline we're happy as we were before, doing what we planned. Underneath the stars and moon, gazing back at them, healing what we destroyed in this life. And until then, I'll dream of you for eternity.

Love, Your Twin.