Three years later
I woke to the sound of my alarm in my bedroom, but it wasn't mine. Everything looked so clean and there was none of my stuff in there, there were a few old books and magazines in the room that looked warn but, I'd never read them before. I looked around the room for Luke but I couldn't find him, only another woman at the end of the hall looking back at me.
"Excuse me, if you could be so kind to answer where I am."
I questioned her but she didn't answer
"Hello can you please tell me I'm begging you" I cried
Her mouth moved at the same time as mine. I walked forwards to meet the woman but only walked into a mirror.
"No" I screamed with so much force that the mirror fell off the wall.
I picked it up and looked at my reflection with curiosity. My twenty three year old self now looked old and frail and broken like I hadn't eaten in days. I looked around the room and realised it looked more like a prison cell than a bedroom. I didn't know where I was or how I got there but I knew I had to get out."Let me out let me out" I screamed and banged on the door at the front of the room.
"I don't belong here. I have to get back and see my family. Why am I here. I haven't done anything to deserve this."
It was useless I sat against the door of my cell and cried.
"This isn't me. Why am I here. I need to get out of this place." I muttered
There was a loud knock at the door and I took it as my chance to get out.
"Hello Ms Willem are you awake" someone said from the other side of the door.
"Yes. Where am I" I asked.
The door opened and in came the voice. He was wearing a doctors coat and had two bodyguards that moved with him like protective gear.
"Why do you need them? I'm not gonna hurt you" I spoke the truth.
"Maybe not today but yesterday was a different story" he replied with a shiver.
I had no clue what he was talking about because as far as I knew I'd never been here before.
I started to panic with all of the thoughts running through my head. The doctor sat me down and started to explain to me all of what happened, the when onto a list of all the mental issues I now have.
I sat there and took it all in.
"When can I see my husband and family" I questioned intent on finding out the answer.
"Your parents are visiting in an hour so I suggest you get ready." He replied.
"And what of my husband" I asked wanting to know this more than anything.
"Umm I don't know if he can make it today Cindy but perhaps tomorrow." He answered but I knew he was holding something back from me.
"Ok then..."
"Doctor Sam" he finished
"Ahh yes ok then" I said and he walked out followed by his two bodyguards on high alert incase I escaped.I sat and thought through the information he had just told me. One I was in a mental asylum two I have short term memory loss so I'd probably forget all of what they had just said tomorrow three I had no one with me and four I still don't know anything of Luke. Never once while he was explaining what the extent of the damage on me or what the accident was about did he mention Luke. I knew something was fishy. The door opened and in came my mother and father.
"Ma, Pa I want to seem Luke" I said as soon as our greetings were said.
"Well darling that's a bit complicated at the moment" my mother said.
"Tell me I can take it" I needed to know because I don't think I can go through another day without him.
"Luke isn't with us anymore sweetheart" my father answered for mum because by that point mum was choked up with too much guilt to answer.
"No no no this can't be happening. I should have died not him. I was driving. Mum is it true." She nodded.
I sat there unmoving and unspeaking for what seemed like an eternity afraid that if I did I'd break down. Right now all I wanted to do was be with him and the only way to do that was to die too. The rational part of me was screaming and saying that he wouldn't want me to die as well and telling me that he would've wanted me to live. But the most part was telling me to let it go and just leave. I'm not living I'm just simply existing.
I sat there and contemplated my existence trying to decide what was better living or dying because right now dying seemed like the better option. I asked mum and dad to go and get me something to eat in this asylum. I didn't want to die because I didn't know what was after life and frankly I was freaked out, but I didn't want to keep existing in a world that I can't remember. It feels like an empty hole that needed filling but the backfill was full of someone else's experiences of the exact same thing a million times over. I wanted to go, I just couldn't keep on existing in a world that doesn't feel my pain."I need to find him. I can't keep existing when I can be with him and live.
I'm sorry I had to do this to you but I can't live in a world of pain and suffering
where I'm a massive black hole in an empty space. I don't wanna live like this
anymore. I want to feel again, the wind in my hair, the dirt under my feet,
the feeling of flying when I was with him.
I'm stuck on the day my love died and I never want to be stuck again.
I know you may think I'm insane but that's why I'm in an asylum I guess.
Life isn't worth living anymore, I've lived three years more than I was
supposed to, I know it's time to go so let me.
I can't go on without him so please let everyone know I love them.
LET ME GO
I know it will be hard but I know you can do it.I love you all,
Cindy.It ended quick and easy. I closed my eyes, took a breath and walked through the gates into hades. All of my memories of what had happened in the three years and in the accident itself came rushing back to me, I'm free. I found him immediately he was standing there waiting with his arms opened wide ready for me to run into them and curl up like I used to.
"I missed you Cindy, it pained me to have to see you go through all of that suffering without me and knowing that I caused it." and that was all I needed.