Ahead and After

Chapter 1: It's Me

"And it's not you, it's me."

I sat silently as Teo continued to end our eight-year relationship. Listening to him talk, but not really hearing him at all. My mind was racing with all the things we had done and been through; all the time that would now go to waste. And my God, couldn't he have done it without the classic 'it's not you, it's me' line?

From the time I was nine and he was ten, we had been together. It wasn't easy and we had definitely changed throughout the years. Still, there was never a thought in my mind that we wouldn't be together. People don't stay together that long and do that much growing up just to grow apart. Do they? Surely they didn't.

My parents were together when they were kids too, only taking a break for a few years in college. They were together most of their lives and I thought Teo and I would be the same way. When things got hard or we had one of our many breakups, I thought it didn't matter. In the long run, he'd come back to me or I'd go back to him and it was that way for a long time. Though, this felt different. This felt... final. I don't know if it was the tone of his voice, the lack of eye contact, the way his breathing had changed, or the cold sweat dripping down his dark forehead.

Teo had been going on for about ten minutes. I was careful not to interrupt him. One of our previous breakups was due to me never listening. Ever since then, I made sure to have a listening ear, as my mother would say —she's a hairstylist—. Besides, I didn't have anything to say.

I had thoughts, but for some reason, none of them came together to form a proper sentence. Maybe it was the shock.

Maybe it was college.

Teo received a full-ride athletic scholarship to the local university. It was about two hours away. I wasn't going to college. I was never quite smart enough to get a scholarship and I didn't do any extracurricular activities. I simply went to class and went home. I maintained a C average except for math and science in which I averaged a D or an F. To say I was barely graduating from high school would be an understatement. College just wasn't in the cards for me. My mom was disappointed and even offered to pay for my tuition. I declined. Why should she waste ten grand a semester for something I didn't want and wasn't going to be good at?

I talked to Teo about it like a good girlfriend and he was understanding. He said it wouldn't change anything, but now that we're six weeks away from graduation, I can't help but wonder if that's why he's doing this. We've never been apart for longer than two weeks. Long distance isn't easy, but I'd be willing to try if he was.

"Alaiya?" He spoke softly. He finally looked up at me. He looked so sad. His cheeks were slightly sunken in and he was slouching in his chair. Teo had bags under his eyes and his hair was disheveled. He was normally so well kept together. Why would he do this if it was making him so sad? Doesn't he know he doesn't have to break up with me?

"Hmm?" I replied.

"Did you hear what I said?"

I didn't. I stopped listening to him a while ago. It was as if my ears hit the off swift when he started this doleful speech. I was so happy twenty minutes ago.

What song was I listening to on the way over here? Something by Taylor Swift. Or maybe Beyoncé?

Why was I suddenly thinking of music? The answer was obvious. I wanted to go back in time; a time before my whole world blew up, even if it was only twenty minutes ago.

Truthfully, my mind was all over the place. I was trying to recall anything that may have led to this point but I was coming up empty-handed. Things have been good, great even. There were no signs, arguments, or scandals that would lead me to believe Teo wanted to break up with me. When he opened the door he kissed me like always. Last night we talked on the phone and laughed together. He texted me early this morning to tell me he was going to pick up breakfast like he did every Saturday morning.