JeanMarco: The Burnt Ashes Of The Dead

The Burnt Ashes Of The Dead

" I wish I could've just cooped up in my room with my ears shut. But..If I had, the burnt ashes of the dead would have never forgiven me."I told Onyankopon, while we sat, drenched in the brownish cold water of the pond Pieck had dropped us in.

"Jean...I don't really understand what you're saying, but thank you." he said.

What I'm saying?

That's true.

What am I even talking about?

Who am I talking about?

Marco..?

The burnt ashes of the dead.

That's you, Marco.

What did they do to you?

What did you do to deserve this?

Do they know how painful it was when they talked about you at the campfire?

I knew Reiner, Annie, and Bertholdt were assholes, but never once had it crossed my mind. These were the people who had taken you out of this world.

And now I have to collaborate with them.
As if I could ever forget what they did to you.

If I knew it all, then I would do it again, and I would not have left your side, I would've taken your place.

I felt like I lost a part of me when I discovered your lifeless body. Laying on the dirty paths of the city, against the wall of a demolished house.

I felt like dying.

How cruel of them.

Now my panic attacks are more and more frequent. I close my eyes and cover my ears with the palms of my hands. I must look like a kid while doing so. But that's the only way I can pause reality for a second.

And take myself back to that night years ago, back when I still intended to be in the military police.

A few days before the Battle of Trost

I was sitting in the lunch hall, 8 o'clock at night, listening to the pitter-patter of the rain. Everyone had left to their rooms a while ago. They were all nervous about the choice we'd have to make in a couple of days.

I wasn't. My choice was set. Or so I thought.

I was determined to join the military police. Live safely in the interior, and not have to worry about Titans ever again. Never see that suicidal maniac ever again.

But I wouldn't be alone. I'd have Marco with me.

He had suddenly come into the lunch hall, looking for me.

I can't entirely remember what he looked like. His face is slowly disappearing from my memories. What a painful perception. Reminds me of the piles of drawings of his once gentle expression, growing more and more every day on my desk. I never got to perfect one of them. All that's left are lost memories.

''Jean! There you are!''he looked at me with his usual angelic smile.

I shifted my gaze from the window to look at him. That night. At that instant. For the first time. I noticed how charming he looked.

''Oh, hey Marco.'' was all I managed to say.

'' Mr. Shadis wants us all in the meeting room. Apparently, they have something to tell us.'' he kept on his friendly smile.