Then, There Was You (Soon To Be Publish Under UKIYOTO Publishing)

THEN THERE WAS YOU

She'd take the world off my shoulders if it was ever hard to move
She'd turn the rain to a rainbow when I was living in the blue
Why then if she's so perfect, do I still wish that it was you?

The stereo is playing a song of Joji, The Glimpse of us.

It was my day off and I am idly sitting in the loveseat in the terrace as the rain poured.

I smiled bitterly when I heard this song because it seems like it was mocking me in this current predicament. The lyrics stated all my hidden thoughts and emotions.

It was already in the past but here I am, still reminiscing that sweet yet bitter first love that I had.

It was Qing Ming Festival when I met Edmund, my puppy love but later on turned first love. I was sixteen years old.

At that time me and my family visited a small Chinatown in Celextia.
It was the time to pay respects to our ancestors.

I found him very polite, kind and cute at the age of 20, he was already responsible raising his two sisters because they were orphaned.

I was aware that my parents was strict on anything about our traditions hence I already expected that I won't be able to be with him no matter what.
So we take it slow, we were good friends as time goes by.

Each time I visited Celextia, Edmund accompanied me to any place I wanted to visit each school vacation. He was my first love, first kiss, first hugged and first heartache.

That one summer, when he confessed I accepted his love and never regretted it.

He was such a darling. He treated me well and never ever disrespected me. We often play with his sisters, had a picnic in the farm or he will take me to their church to join praise and worship. He's a devoted chirstian while I was born and raise Chinese.

"What do you want to be when you graduate?" I asked him while laying my head on his shoulder.

He was in fourth year High school that time, he keeps on stopping to work and give way to his sister's to study first while he save money for his own education.

We were sitting in the riverbank, that one warm afternoon.
That place was our silent sanctuary, our safe haven.

"I want to enter the army so you can be proud of me, then I will of course prepare a good bethrotal gifts so your family will accept me. Han Mayling, will you wait for me?" his piercing gaze almost got me suffocated with the sudden emotion surged on my chest.

I grew up in a big Chinese family who dominate the business world but I want to do different things, after meeting Edmund, I want to chose a simple career to not make him feel inferior

I nodded adamantly, "Of course, I will wait for you. I want to be a teacher one day... I will have you paint my classroom and help me decorate it, Edmund, I will fight for us... No matter what." I said as my voice slowly breaks.

"I love you." he whispered, just enough for me to hear but it was full of emotions, his voice lace with bitterness, his eyes were red as he looked at me.

I met his gaze and smiled softly as I said,
"I love you too."

But who thought it will be the last, following our traditions, I didn't have any power to say no.

I cried so hard when I was forced to met him to stop everything or he will lose his good future along with his sisters.
I know very well the capability of my family, once they decided to do so, you cannot stop it. They were like sturdy wall that cannot be trampled on.

I don't want him to suffer for me, I want to see him reach his dreams, I want see him wearing his army uniform, his sisters to have a good life. I can't be selfish.

"You said you will fight for us? Why you're saying goodbye now?" his voice broke, so as my heart.

"I'm sorry... From this day on, we are over."

After saying those words, I runaway.
I coaxed myself that he was just my young love. I will definitely move on. I will and I can move on.

I scrolled my old Facebook account and I saw his post, proposing to his long time girlfriend, the woman he met after me.
Her name was May, her birthday was May, and she is a teacher.

Edmund is now working on Naval Force and he had a teacher fiancé, whom it was suppose to be me.

Sometimes I thought that he chose this woman because she reminded him of me, we had the same birthmonth, only 5 days apart, she was May and I am Mayling, We shared the same passion which was teaching. But I found it quite ridiculous.

I hurt him so why does he find someone that reminds him of me?

"Tell me he savors your glory, does he laugh the way I did"

Hearing that lyrics on the song,
I stalked him and I saw how happy he was.

I can't helped but look on my situation.
My husband is a good man, we shared a mutual understanding and respect. He helped me in every way, he loved me even though he knew that I am still pining on that beautiful yet gloomy past.
He is perfect but why do I still thought about Edmund?

When I look on his eyes, I hope I can see Edmund on him but I will end up getting disappointed again and again.

"You still thought about him?" a voice came from behind me then a hand handed me a tissue, to dry my tears.

"Baobei, am I still not enough?" his following question made me froze.

Indeed he is still not enough, but after seeing that post, I realized that I need to move on and forget that past.

We all have our own lives now.

I turned off the music in the stereo and went to his side to hugged him.

I smiled at him and said, "This will be the last, I'm sorry to make you feel unwanted."

He hugged me back tightly while I watched the raindrops on the flowers outside.

'Ed, I hope you will be happy. Then there was you... But now, it is him.'

I hope and pray that after the rain, my feelings, doubts, why's and even the glimpse of us will be gone and all will be buried in the past.