"No," he rumbled in my ear. "I have to fuck you. Now."
"Why? Are you marking your territory?" I'd only been half serious with the comment, but he pulled back and the look in his eyes said that was exactly what he was doing.
I wriggled out of his gr...
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The sun was still low and streaming through a gap in the curtains when Shawn released a hand from my breast to look at his watch. “I know it’s Saturday,” he said, kissing along my shoulder, “and it’s early, but I have some business I have to take care of before it gets any later. Then I’ll ravage you nonstop the rest of the weekend.”
“All right. If you must.” I was still recovering from two good-morning orgasms, barely able to form sentences, let alone do anything that required thought. But I did have an important task to attend to myself. One that I’d been avoiding. “I have a few things to do as well so it works out. Lucky for you.”
“Lucky for me, indeed.”
Shawn hit the shower first, while I got in a run on the treadmill. When I’d finished my workout, Shawn had withdrawn into the library. I took a shower of my own then sat on the edge of the bed, towel wrapped around me, phone in hand and contemplating the call I needed to make. It took four attempts of hitting Dial quickly followed by End Call before I got brave enough to let the call go through. Then I heard the ring on the other end of the line, and, knowing my number would be recognized, I couldn’t hang up. He probably wouldn’t answer anyway, so why was I being such a chicken shit?
It seemed like forever but finally my brother answered. “Oh my god, Bey, are you okay?”
His concern irritated me. Either it wasn’t genuine or it was too little too late. “Of course I am. Why wouldn’t I be?” I hadn’t been answering his calls, but that shouldn’t have been cause for alarm.
“Because you haven’t been at the club all week.”
“What are you talking about? I’ve been there every day.”
He sounded exasperated. “I called and asked for you every night this week and you were never there. At first I thought you’d told the staff you weren’t taking my calls but then I gave a different name and called from a different phone.”
“Jesus, Idris, I didn’t realize that stalking was genetic.”
“Ha ha.” His tone was not amused. He’d never liked it when I joked about my disorder. Which was exactly why I did it.
“I wasn’t at the club because I’m not working at night anymore, you moron.” As if it was any of his business. Yet, something in me couldn’t help but tell him. To brag, to seek for approval. “I got a promotion. I'm working marketing and promotional planning. Day hours. Just like you wanted.”
“Oh. Wow. Congratulations, Bey. I’m proud of you.”
For half a second I felt warm and fuzzy. Then I remembered what a shit he’d been to me, how he’d cut me off financially, how he’d feared for my relationship with Shawn because of my obsessive history. Yeah, warm and fuzzy wasn’t there to stay. “Whatever, Idris. I don’t want to hear it.”
“I mean it.”
“Only because you’re happy that I’m now following the plan you’d laid out for me.” Idris had thought that night shifts and the club environment were not appropriate for someone with my condition, despite the fact that working at the club was what had helped me chill out in the first place. If he’d had his way, I’d be doing marketing for a Fortune 500 company during daylight hours, making a shit ton of money doing respectable work. But had I gone that route, I’d have been so bored and stifled I was sure I’d have shot myself within the first week of employment.
“That’s not true.” He almost sounded remorseful.
I almost felt bad.
“Wait, did you get this promotion because of Shawn Carter?”
So much for feeling bad. “No. I did not. And f**k you very much for asking.”
“What do you expect me to assume, Bey? You want me to change my entire experience with you because you say things are different?”
“I don’t know what I expect, Idris.” As much as I wanted to, I couldn’t really blame him for being spiteful. I’d been a burden, and, to his credit, he’d been there when I needed him most. Financially, if not emotionally. Truthfully, he was probably as broken as I was.
But understanding him didn’t make it better. It simply meant I couldn’t hate him.
I lay back on the bed and rubbed my hand over my eyes. “What was so important that you needed to reach me, anyway?” He’d said he was done with me. I figured that would have ended all communication.
He cleared his throat. "The lease on the apartment expires this month.”
Of course. Tying up loose ends. “That’s actually why I was calling you. I’m moving out. So whatever you need to do to end the lease, go ahead and do it.”
“Where are you going to live?”
If I told him I was moving in with Shawn, he’d freak with a capital F. “That’s none of your business.” Besides, why did he even care?
“Fine, be a bitch. I’m sure you think I deserve it.”
I ignored his blatant try to guilt me. “What do you want me to do with the keys?”
“You can give them to me personally when I come there. When are you planning to be out?”
“In the next week or so.” Knowing Shawn, he’d have me completely moved out within a day of telling him. It would be an easy move anyway. The furniture belonged with the apartment.
But I didn’t want to see Idris. There was no reason that I needed to. “Why do you need to come here?”
“To make sure the place is in good shape before I turn it over. I want to get my deposit back.”
I sat back up. “You were there Monday, Idris. You saw what shape it was in. I didn’t destroy the apartment after you left, if that’s what you’re suggesting. Do you think I’d do that just because I’m pissed at you?”
“I don’t know what you would do.” Idris’s voice was raised. “I’m not surprised by anything anymore where you’re concerned.”
“This conversation is pointless. Text me when you’re in town and I’ll get you your f**king keys. Other than that, we’re done.” I clicked End Call and threw my phone on the bed.
What had happened to drive us so far apart? I would have thought that the tragic loss of our parents would make us more devoted to each other, more committed. We certainly loved each other. There was no question about that. But loving a person didn’t necessarily make you right for them-didn’t make them a good person to be in your world. That was definitely a common theme in therapy.
I ignored what that might mean about Shawn and me. That wasn’t territory I was willing to broach. Besides, he’d been my salvation in ways that had nothing to do with money and everything to do with real support.
It was Idris who needed to be out of my life. It pained me to think about it in depth, so I didn’t. So what if Idris was my only living relative? It didn’t matter. I wouldn’t let it.
I sat up, about to get dressed, when my phone bleeped that I had an email. I rarely received emails, but since my work email hadn’t been set up yet, I’d had to resort to using my personal account when I sent my official proposal to Julia. Picking up my phone, I tried not to get my hopes up. I pressed the email icon and held my breath as I read. By the time I got through the first paragraph, I was nearly dancing. The email was from Party Planners Plus. And it was good news.
Hurriedly, I dressed into a pair of shorts and black and white sleeveless top, skipping the underwear entirely, then headed to the kitchen to grab something to eat before I ran to tell Shawn my good news. On the counter I found half a bagel and a banana waiting for me next to a mug of coffee. I smiled at Shawn’s never-ending attentiveness. Yeah, moving in was a good decision.
Now I just had to tell him.
But, first, I’d share my news.
After eating three quick bites of the bagel, I peeled the banana, grabbed the coffee and headed for the library.
Shawn was on the phone when I entered the room, his back to me as he faced out over the city. His tone was direct and in charge as he spoke in a combination of English and Japanese. Wow-Shawn knew Japanese, too? He would never fail to surprise me and I loved that.
Not wanting to disturb him, I walked in quietly and perched on the edge of his desk behind him. I must not have been quiet enough, because he spun to look at me, not once halting his conversation. Wearing jeans and a tight blue polo that accentuated his firm abs, he looked hot-fuck, he was always hot, but his casual look was one I still wasn’t used to. It made me squirmy and aware. Especially as I listened to him conducting his business. He always said my brain turned him on. I wondered if he had any idea that his turned me on as well.
He was equally enraptured by me, his eyes never leaving me as he continued his call. Perhaps the way I ate my banana was a bit sultry. I couldn’t help myself. Could I ever when Shawn was in the room?
When he’d finished his call, he set the receiver in the cradle on the desk and swept his glance down my body, as he often did, like he was already f**king me in his head.
His gaze roused me instantly. My body was humming with electricity, my legs swinging with restless energy. “Am I interrupting?”
“Not at all. I’m done for the day.” He hissed as I moved my lips slowly over my final bite of banana. “Done with work.”
“Sounds like your phone call was a lot more productive than mine was then.” I sucked at the tip of my thumb, pretending to clean off banana remnants when there weren’t any there.
When I began to move on to my index finger, Shawn grabbed it and sucked it instead. “It’s amazing I could even concentrate with your gorgeous mouth wrapped around your fruit. But that was your intention.”
I gave a one-shoulder shrug. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
His mouth lifted up into a smile. “Such a wicked, wicked tease.” He sat in his desk chair and rolled to face me square on. “Who was your conversation with?”
“My brother. It was painful.”
“Want to talk about it?” His hands slid along my calves, sending electric sparks through my body.
“Nope.” Not yet anyway. “I’m not letting him ruin my day and this day is fabulous. You know why?”
“Because I’m about to pounce on you?”
“That too.” God, that too. My heart quickened with the anticipation. “But also because the event planners I met with agreed to make a deal.”
“Of course they did. You’re brilliant, remember?” His hands slid past my knees to my bare thighs, his fingers dancing lightly over my skin. “This is with Party Planners Plus?”
I tensed unwittingly. “Wow. Good memory.” I’d hoped he would forget the details. The fact that he paid attention made it harder to believe he wouldn’t discover Paul Kresh’s involvement.
“Only where you’re concerned.”
That’s what I’m afraid of. But I smiled, letting him believe I enjoyed his attention, which I did in general. Just not where Party Planners was concerned.
“Congratulations. I can’t wait to see what you do with them.” He leaned forward to place a kiss on the top of my thigh, so close and so far away from places that wanted his mouth more thoroughly .
“Me neither.” My breath caught as he kissed me again, this time on my inner thigh. “It’s a start. I’m excited about it.” I wasn’t certain I was talking about business anymore.
Shawn took my hand and tugged me forward to straddle him in his chair. “Then we both have good news today.”
“Tell me yours.” My hands wandered over his shirt, enjoying the feel of the firm landscape underneath.
His eyes closed in a long blink, and I knew he was enjoying my touch as well. Mirroring my movement, his palms fondled my braless br**sts through my top. “I was on the phone with a contact in Japan. I’ve asked him to arrange for me to make a trip there in the next few days."
My hands stilled. “What? Why?” Japan was so far away. The thought of him going there for even a short time made my chest ache.
“To make a bid for Plexis.”
“Really? Oh, Shawn, that’s so great!”
“I approached that gentleman you heard talking. His name is Mitch Larson.” Shawn continued to knead my br**sts as he spoke, my body arching into his touch. “Turns out he doesn’t have any selling power in his company, but he arranged for me to bid directly to his boss in Japan. I wouldn’t have gotten the meeting if I hadn’t gone through Mitch.” I moaned as he pinched my ni**les to two proud peaks. “And I wouldn’t have known to approach Mitch if it weren’t for you.”
I squirmed, trying to get pressure where I needed it, low in my crotch. “I wouldn’t have even been at that party if it weren’t for you.”
“You could easily have tuned the conversation out. Or not bothered to tell me. You did. For which I’m grateful.”
His hands, still on my br**sts, felt too far away. I needed them on my bare skin, ached for him to touch me without a barrier. Soon. He’d have to take me soon.
I bent to whisper in his ear. “How grateful are you?”
“I think you know.” He bucked up and I could feel his erection-finally-meeting me at my core.
His mouth lifted to meet mine, but he took his time, brushing my lips with his nose, licking along the curve of my chin. His teeth nipped at my bottom lip and I couldn’t take it anymore. Putting my hands on each side of his face, I held him steady as I crushed my lips to his. My tongue stayed shallow, teasing along his lower teeth until he plunged his tongue into my mouth. Then I claimed his mouth fully, sucking his tongue like it was his dick , reveling in the moan at the back of his throat as I did.
His hands stroked up and down my back but still hadn’t gone under my shirt. I pulled on the bottom, hinting what I wanted, what I needed.
Instead of following my lead, he placed his hands gently on my shoulders and pushed me back. We were both breathless, and I, more than a bit confused, and so utterly aroused I couldn’t sit still.
“Beyoncé , there’s something I need to say.” Shawn moved his hands to my h*ps to stop my fidgeting. “About yesterday. About moving in.”
Fuck, was he taking it back? In the middle of a really hot make-out session? “Yes?”
“I don’t want you here…”
He paused, and I got nervous that he’d reached the end of his statement.
But then he continued. “…so I can control you. I want you here because I can’t bear it when you’re not. I want you here because I want you with me-always.”
It was perfect, absolutely perfect.
I let out a shaky breath. “Okay.”
His body relaxed, his shoulders lowering. “Good. I needed you to understand.”
“No, not okay, I understand. Well,” I conceded, “that too. But I meant okay, I’ll move in with you.”
Shawn’s brow arched in astonishment. “You will?”
Warmth spread through my body. “Why are you so surprised? I’d think you’d be used to getting your way. I bet you get everything you want.”
“Most everything. But I often have to fight first. And I was prepared to fight for this. For you. It was much easier than I’d planned.”
“Probably because I’d already decided to say yes. But even if I hadn’t, you would have won me over with that.” I placed my hands on the sides of his face. “Shawn, I want to be with you always, too. And who the hell cares if people say it’s insane or too soon because I’m already crazy and I’m already madly in love with you.”
“Beyoncé .” His voice was gruff and heavy, as if the utterance of my name carried much more weight than it should have. Like it held so many meanings that Shawn wasn’t able to express. With that one word, I was elevated to a state of emotion that I hadn’t felt before, one that was deep and rooted and at the same time high and euphoric. It was falling in love all over again with someone I already loved to the bone.
He moved quickly, pulling my shirt off me in one swift motion, then lifting us up from the chair enough to work free his dick . I wrapped my hands around his hard length, stroking him with a mad sort of desperation while he kissed me senseless. His face still focused on me, he attacked my shorts with his hands, clawing at them as if he could tear them away. After a few frenzied minutes, he reached in the top drawer of the desk behind me and fumbled around blindly until he found what he was searching for-a pair of scissors.
Then he cut off my shorts.
I’d never imagined it would be so outrageously sexy to have my clothes cut off of me, or that anyone would actually do it. It was one thing when he’d ripped off flimsy thongs, but taking scissors, cutting so near my skin-I was wetter and hotter than I’d ever been, driven by his rabid need to have me na**d and bared for him.
Once he’d tossed aside the torn material, he shifted his hands under my ass and lifted me on top of him. I was so wet; I slid down on him easily, sheathing him entirely.
“Oh, god, Shawn!” I could feel him so completely at that angle, his throbbing d**k hitting against the wall of my vagina, making me writhe on top of him. I sat forward on my knees so that I could push off of him again, lifting and lowering at a frenetic speed that was more reminiscent of the way Shawn rode me, not the way I rode him.
My orgasm came without warning, ripping through me out of nowhere, slowing my pace. I fought to keep the momentum as the waves overtook me, shaking me and shattering me until I gave up with a long cry of pleasure.
I was barely aware of the chair rolling until the desk pressed into my back and Shawn took over the driving. He thrust into me with skill and precision, my legs wrapping around his waist as he shifted our position, the seat behind him serving as a place for him to fall rather than actual support.
When my vision cleared, I noticed the windows behind me. Though we were on the penthouse level of the building and it was highly unlikely that anyone was looking in, it was still possible and the realization added a profound level of eroticism. The delicious tension had just begun building again, intensifying exponentially when Shawn spilled inside me with a deep primal groan.
He gave himself no time to recover before he laid me across the desk. Pushing aside the chair, he knelt between my thighs, propping my ankles on the edge of the desk. I was na**d and spread wide in front of the windows, in front of my lover-I was near my second cl**ax before Shawn’s tongue ever touched me.
He didn’t tease or go slow like he often did when he ate me out, but sucked and licked at my cl*t with urgent strokes of his tongue. I came instantly and still he continued. It was too much-too intense for my heightened senses and my h*ps bucked away.
“Once more,” Shawn said before renewing his attack.
“No!” I writhed but his hands held firm to my ankles. “I can’t take it.”
“Once more.” He was insistent, not to be swayed, but he did redirect his approach, moving away from the singing ball of nerves and plunging his tongue into my hole instead.
My hands flew to his head, clutching fistfuls of hair as he worked me toward yet another high, his tongue licking up my slit back to my cl*t then down to plunge in again at my core.
Somewhere in the part of my brain that could still formulate thought, I knew what he was doing-he was thanking me, showing me how happy I’d made him by deciding to live with him. His own cl**ax had come quickly, but he could get hard again. I knew this from experience. He probably already was hard again as it turned him on to no end to go down on me. Yet, instead of burying himself inside me, he was giving me all the pleasure. It was a message, and I got it loud and clear.
His endeavor slowed, but his ardor remained. The next orgasm came more reluctantly and he pulled it out of me with sweet, drawn-out dedication until I went over the edge, shivering as the warmth spread outward to my limbs, curling my toes.
Shawn stayed between my legs until I’d calmed, licking me and lavishing me with soft praise while my heart rate returned to normal.
Then he stood and carried me to the couch, laying me down.
He gazed at me, his eyes still half-closed with desire as he stripped naked. I was right-he was hard again, hard and throbbing. He lay beside me, wrapping his arms around me. Smoothing my hair with sensuous strokes, he spoke low at my ear. “I know it’s scary and our situation hasn’t been ideal, but you are everything good for me. Nothing in this world is important to me beyond you. I can be the same for you. I know it. And I’m so grateful you’ve given me the chance to prove It.”
I shifted to face him. “You have nothing to prove. You’re already everything good for me, too.”
“Shh.” He kissed my forehead. “Not yet. I haven’t been able to give you everything you need yet.”
My mind scrambled to figure out what he possibly thought I needed that he hadn’t given me. The three words. That was the only thing I could settle on. But I knew them even if he didn’t say them. I knew them with every fiber of my being.
“It’s okay, Shawn. It’s-“
He cut me off. “It’s not. But I need you to know that I’m trying and I’m not going to stop trying until I get there. Do you hear me? Don’t give up on me.” He was vehement, his expression frantic.
“I’m not giving up on you.” I reached my palm up to caress his face and he leaned into my touch. “Why would I do that? I love you, Shawn. So much.”
His eyes closed tight, almost as if my statement were painful to him. “I don’t deserve your love. I don’t think I ever will.”
“You deserve more than I can ever give you.”
“We have a difference of opinion on that. We’ll have to agree to disagree. Again.” He pushed at my shoulder. “Turn,” he ordered.
I shifted to face the back of the couch and immediately felt Shawn’s thick erection pressing behind me. Lifting my leg up and back around him, he slid into me again. “This time,” he whispered between kisses at my neck, “we’re going to take it slow.”
