"don't leave me." Chiscara angst

regrets

I've always wondered, after knowing that I've been living a lie. Dottore.. that bastard..! I should've known..
"so tell me, in this world: is it possible to change the past?"
I asked the traveller this question. I'm sure they know of something guessing by the look they gave me.

<< From this day forth.. the names, "Balladeer" and "kabukimono" will cease to exist. >>
Is what I said.. after regaining my memories I can't help but regret about the past. Why did I do that? Why.. why won't he remember me?..

I watched as Childe looked down on me with those eyes, as the geo archon topped it off by standing so close to him too.. what had happened?

"Ajax... You- you remember me right..?" I say desperate, on the verge of tears. "Please.." I looked down slowly, "tell me.. you.. you remember me.. I'm sorry, please.." Childe looked really confused, but can I blame him..? I've erased myself from irminsul in hopes I'd change the past but it didn't do what I intended. Instead this happened. The geo archon had manipulated Childe into thinking he was the one with him. Is he really that desperate?

"Who.. are you? And how do you know my real name?" Childe spoke softly. "It.. it's me! Scaram... No! Kunikuzushi! You remember right? I told you my name before!"

"scara... I've told you my name, when do you think you'll tell me yours?" Childe asked me. "Hah? Dunno, probably in a million years." I say as I smirked. "Come on! I told you mine, Aren't we dating? We're supposed to tell eachother everything." I paused what I was doing as he said that, hah.. of course. I never really understood human emotions that well. When the dumbass confessed he looked too cute to reject so I didn't.. "tch.. okay, it's Kunikuzushi. Happy?" Childe's expression became happy in an instant. "That's a cool name! Can I.. call you kuni?" I flinched at the word. Baal once called me that.

"Ah..." Tears started streaming down my face. These stupid emotions are so hard to control and understand.. "S-Scara?! Are you okay? Was it something I said— What happened?!" Childe panicked. "Yeah.. I'm okay—" I wiped the tears off my cheeks. "it's just.. I remembered something, don't worry. And yea you can call me Kuni.." I looked up at him, smiling softly.

Childe calmed down as he stared at me. "I.. I'm sorry if I did say something wrong." Childe laughed sheepishly like he always did. "You didn't." Childe had always been considerate of my feelings, he makes me feel like he'd support me and love me unconditionally no matter what, guess this is why I like him..?

"I'm... Sorry I don't remember you." Childe said quietly. "I'm.. I'm the 6th of the harbingers! the balladeer! You remember this.. right?" "The 6th? The 6th's seat has been empty for a long time."
"That's enough, I'm sure this guy is insane, right Childe?" Zhongli said.

"I wouldn't say that.. I do feel like I've met him but.. I just.. can't." Childe looked a little upset. Hah.. so that's how it is, I've got no choices but to leave it at that. There's no use in trying anymore. "Actually, I'll leave now, there's no use in trying anymore." I tilted my hat down as I walked away slowly, looking down as tears dropped.

Why did I even expect anything other than this? "Hey pretty boy.. ya look lonely, wanna spend a night? I'll pay you good mora." A guy said as he smirked. Disgusting, but.. at this point, who cares? I've lost the only one who understood me so what else is there to lose?

"How much mora." "Depends, you look quite expensive, how does 300k for the night sound huh? Any other person would do that." I don't care about the mora, it's not like I need to eat or anything. "Yeah, sure." "Aren't you an easy one?"

"Hah..!" The guy isn't that big or anything, but he ain't small either I'll give him that. "Hey pretty boy ... This ain't your first time is it? You're taking me way too easily." He says as he rams into me "Gah.. just shut up and continue!"I said barely, "Bossy huh? Alright, I'll give you what you want."

"Here's your pay, you're pretty good maybe I'll ask for another night soon" he smirks as he leaves the inn. I sat on the bed as I rethink what I'd just did. I let another guy fuck me, for mora. I feel like a fucking slut. But it felt good, I didn't think about childe not even for a second. Maybe I'll reconsider it more...